(no subject)
lets see. i graduate tomorrow and im so excited. it hasnt hit me yet though. i guess it will hit me as august approaches and i know that i dont get to do what i want to do. i have to settle for the worst. the one thing i promised myself that i would never do. i hate myself. i hate that i cant take a stand. i hate that there is nothing i can do. i hate that they dont realize where the whole money problem is coming from. maybe they do? i dont know. i hate that im going to be one of those kids that always talked about getting out but end up being only 30 minutes from home. i wasnt going to be one of those kids but i should have known that i would have ended up as one. my futiure looked so bright for about a month. never have i been so excited about one thing. everything seemed to be going right. but then with each day it was knocked down. only one person from school knows and thats jen. and then i let people put things in my yearbook about it and i let them tell me how cool it is, without stopping them. maybe i had some hope in my mind that my parents would be able to pull 30,000 dollars out of their ass or something. what was i thinking. it just knocked me down. right now my self esteam is well....not good. ugh. how do i go from western to JOHNSON AND WALES to fucking mtsu. all i know is that i should have seen it coming. im still waiting for my turn. will someone let me have theirs?