(no subject)
wow....6 weeks. 6 weeks and it will all be over. scary? yea. exciting? even more so. these 6 weeks will define me as a high school student. these 6 weeks are all i have to leave nsa with a good name. leaving isnt the scary part. lord knows i have been in school for 13 years and im ready to leave.. the scary part is knowing that i will have left without accomplishing things. i remember thinkning, frshamn year, of things i wanted to do in highschool. i cant remember all of them but i know that i had atleast 5 important ones, that i can remember. and out of those 5, i've done one. that was to leave having more close friends than i had coming in. i know that i have done that. and im so happy with my friends. i have many close ones and one very important one, jen. even though i feel that within these 4 years i have lost my 2 of my BEST BEST BEST friends i have gained many in their place. things happen for a reason and i will never forget them and i hope they do the same for me.
my other things were to 1)become a great student-that chance has come and passed. im not the worst student but im certainly not the best. 2)be in a realtionship-this could still happen but i dont think so...unless someone is hiding something or magically sees me in anyother way than just friends, this wont happen. 3) gain a better understanding about myself-6 weeks is a short time to discover yourself. yes i have realized what i want to do with my life, as of now, but i want to find out why i am me. why i do things the way i do them. why i lie to myself so much and why it is hard to please myself. 4)be happy-ok. highschool has been amazing. it has been fun but im to scared to tell people what i think. they dont know. no one does. thats just how i am. and happiness cant come from that. thats my own personal problem.
ummm there has been a recent goal,like since the begining of 1tth grade,in my life. one of the best friennds that i lost touch with seems to keep popping up in my head a lot. i know i think about her everyday, but i always wonder if she does the same for me. i promised myself that i would contact her before i graduate, but what would i say? i cant even imagine seeing her again. i know i would just break down. i have missed her so much. i regret not talking to her the few times she visited. i was just a coward. when ever someone mentions that they saw her i get so jealous. why couldnt it have been me? i ask myself that to much.
now. i cant tell you more how much i have loved nsa, but im done. and thats it.
they say that during graduation everyone in the audiance watches the first person, the one they are there to see, and the last person to be called. well. im the last. and i know that this may be weird to say but i cant wait to have everyone looking at me. i will be up there with pride and understanding of what i have accomplished. i want everyone to know how proud i am of us. i will be leaving the last impression of the class of 2006....so lets cross our fingers that i dont screw it up and trip...haha. knowing me i will.
so i'll probably be writing more stuff like this with each passing week. so yea....
my other things were to 1)become a great student-that chance has come and passed. im not the worst student but im certainly not the best. 2)be in a realtionship-this could still happen but i dont think so...unless someone is hiding something or magically sees me in anyother way than just friends, this wont happen. 3) gain a better understanding about myself-6 weeks is a short time to discover yourself. yes i have realized what i want to do with my life, as of now, but i want to find out why i am me. why i do things the way i do them. why i lie to myself so much and why it is hard to please myself. 4)be happy-ok. highschool has been amazing. it has been fun but im to scared to tell people what i think. they dont know. no one does. thats just how i am. and happiness cant come from that. thats my own personal problem.
ummm there has been a recent goal,like since the begining of 1tth grade,in my life. one of the best friennds that i lost touch with seems to keep popping up in my head a lot. i know i think about her everyday, but i always wonder if she does the same for me. i promised myself that i would contact her before i graduate, but what would i say? i cant even imagine seeing her again. i know i would just break down. i have missed her so much. i regret not talking to her the few times she visited. i was just a coward. when ever someone mentions that they saw her i get so jealous. why couldnt it have been me? i ask myself that to much.
now. i cant tell you more how much i have loved nsa, but im done. and thats it.
they say that during graduation everyone in the audiance watches the first person, the one they are there to see, and the last person to be called. well. im the last. and i know that this may be weird to say but i cant wait to have everyone looking at me. i will be up there with pride and understanding of what i have accomplished. i want everyone to know how proud i am of us. i will be leaving the last impression of the class of 2006....so lets cross our fingers that i dont screw it up and trip...haha. knowing me i will.
so i'll probably be writing more stuff like this with each passing week. so yea....