silly little girl

[ima_silly_girl]

i thought it was going ok. but no.

isn't it amazing how everything can change in a day? in an hour? in a minute? no in just 2 words? drug additiction. and the way you see someone who you have admired for so long just changes in a snap? its amazing how words can hurt you so much.

what made it all right for her to lie to herself. she hated him for it. she changed everything b/c of it. but look at her now. she is not better than he is.

i have arrived at a place. i didnt want it. but i chased for it. i have chased for everything my whole life. nothing has been placed in my hand. not like others. how lucky they are. and they dont realize it. the places that im running to now won't make me happy. i know what will make me happy. but it wont make them happy. and it wont put them at ease. i have always been the difficult one to them. the indecisive one. i could never make a choice quick enough. but i have made one now. and they see it but not really. don't they want their little girl to be happy. i have paid my dues. i'm just a silly little girl with a silly little dream.

i am someone who has always made people happy but never myself. and i'm afarid if that doesnt change then i will never be truely happy. but where can i start?

whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhynow?

i cant remember the last time i feel asleep without a tear in my eyes.