I was buried alive, I came back to haunt you
I've been thinking a lot lately about why I'm not motivated to write in here anymore. I feel like it's because I don't have anything interesting to say. I know it's a 'journal' and you can say whatever you want, but it's really a public internet blog and usually I don't feel like I have anything of value for people to read.
I don't really know what to say about my life anymore. I can say with some confidence that I'm having some trouble. I'm feeling really shut-out, but it could just be more like Miller says, and I could just be going crazy. Mostly I want to leave school and go live in a foreign country. Being here is killing me. I'm really starting to understand what people are talking about when they say they've lost their idea of home. Pullman isn't my home and Vancouver is starting to feel less and less like my home. Either way, neither is very comforting and gives me the warm fuzzies anymore. It's lonely.
Part of my problem could be the people around me. For some reason, it's the time for people to be coupling off. Everyone has someone to spend their time with, which means that everyone is ALWAYS busy. I know I should just be happy that my friends have someone special, but it makes things rough for me, who doesn't have anyone to hang out with. It sounds selfish, I know. Maybe it is selfish. I've never had a problem with being single, and I still don't really feel like I have a problem with it. For some reason I feel pressured to have a problem with it. Maybe it's just some growing pains, but I feel like I'm being left out because it's just me on my own. It's always me on my own.
At this age it surprises me that I would still have to deal with some of the stuff that's going on. I thought we were too old to be having this kind of middle school drama. I guess I figured that as adults we're mature enough to talk about things face to face without these kinds of vengeful retaliation. I don't enjoy being the one who has to be the bad guy, but it seems I find myself in that position often, and it always turns out badly. I wouldn't let these things bother me like they do if they weren't hanging over my head all the time. It's hard to go about my day with the elephant in the room.
As far as school is going this semester, it's difficult to say. I'm confused about what we're doing in my classes. I feel a lot less with-it than I did last semester, which is a bad sign. It's only three weeks into the semester and already I'm not interested in doing homework or studying at all. Math and chem suck, but neuroanatomy and bowling are awesome. I think the people in my neuro class have about the same interest/sense of humor about brains as I do. My professor likes to tell crazy brain stories and often refers to the human specimens as 'steaks', which I think is hilarious. Bowling is neat. We go, listen to a five minute lecture on bowling stance and lane curtousy and then drink and bowl for two hours. I'm excited about learning how to actually bowl properly and maybe getting good at it!
There has been the same snow on the ground since school started back up, and it's been really super cold. I would like it to be warmer, if for no other reason than to be able to wear my Converse again. I miss them. Canvas shoes are not the best thing to be wearing in this weather. But, it is nice to sled when you can find people interested in going with you. It's not often but it's fun when it happens.
I don't know. Maybe I'm feeling deep, maybe I'm sad. Maybe I'm just drunk. Either way, I'm ready for a change. I can't manage things going on like they've been. Am I really going anywhere? When am I going to get there? Who's going to go with me? Or will it just be me?
I don't really know what to say about my life anymore. I can say with some confidence that I'm having some trouble. I'm feeling really shut-out, but it could just be more like Miller says, and I could just be going crazy. Mostly I want to leave school and go live in a foreign country. Being here is killing me. I'm really starting to understand what people are talking about when they say they've lost their idea of home. Pullman isn't my home and Vancouver is starting to feel less and less like my home. Either way, neither is very comforting and gives me the warm fuzzies anymore. It's lonely.
Part of my problem could be the people around me. For some reason, it's the time for people to be coupling off. Everyone has someone to spend their time with, which means that everyone is ALWAYS busy. I know I should just be happy that my friends have someone special, but it makes things rough for me, who doesn't have anyone to hang out with. It sounds selfish, I know. Maybe it is selfish. I've never had a problem with being single, and I still don't really feel like I have a problem with it. For some reason I feel pressured to have a problem with it. Maybe it's just some growing pains, but I feel like I'm being left out because it's just me on my own. It's always me on my own.
At this age it surprises me that I would still have to deal with some of the stuff that's going on. I thought we were too old to be having this kind of middle school drama. I guess I figured that as adults we're mature enough to talk about things face to face without these kinds of vengeful retaliation. I don't enjoy being the one who has to be the bad guy, but it seems I find myself in that position often, and it always turns out badly. I wouldn't let these things bother me like they do if they weren't hanging over my head all the time. It's hard to go about my day with the elephant in the room.
As far as school is going this semester, it's difficult to say. I'm confused about what we're doing in my classes. I feel a lot less with-it than I did last semester, which is a bad sign. It's only three weeks into the semester and already I'm not interested in doing homework or studying at all. Math and chem suck, but neuroanatomy and bowling are awesome. I think the people in my neuro class have about the same interest/sense of humor about brains as I do. My professor likes to tell crazy brain stories and often refers to the human specimens as 'steaks', which I think is hilarious. Bowling is neat. We go, listen to a five minute lecture on bowling stance and lane curtousy and then drink and bowl for two hours. I'm excited about learning how to actually bowl properly and maybe getting good at it!
There has been the same snow on the ground since school started back up, and it's been really super cold. I would like it to be warmer, if for no other reason than to be able to wear my Converse again. I miss them. Canvas shoes are not the best thing to be wearing in this weather. But, it is nice to sled when you can find people interested in going with you. It's not often but it's fun when it happens.
I don't know. Maybe I'm feeling deep, maybe I'm sad. Maybe I'm just drunk. Either way, I'm ready for a change. I can't manage things going on like they've been. Am I really going anywhere? When am I going to get there? Who's going to go with me? Or will it just be me?