Now that everyone's dead we can finally talk
For the first time in a long time, I don't feel much like sleeping. Thinking out loud is a little more appealing to me. And, since I have no one to listen to my thought tangents, the internet will do.
Filling out forms in the doctors office today really put things into perspective. The huge list of things that could possibly be wrong with you and I didn't have to check a one. I really am a lucky jerk. Because if you don't have your health, what do you have? I'm always worried that talking about the things I take for granted is a good way to ask for a curse. So...I hope I haven't opened up a Pandora's box just with one short sentence.
I've done a lot of thinking in the back of my mind lately about how to live my life. A deep and complicated subject, no doubt. But, I always wonder if I'm doing it right. I mean, there aren't clear cut "right" and "wrong" lives exactly, I more wonder if I'm living the right way for me. I've got this idea in my head that I plan things too much. I plan things that I really have no hand in at all in my life, the big things even, that really can't be planned, and just sort of happen to you. Obviously this has not worked out for the best. It may sound like a strange plan of attack, but I'm wondering if I would feel better about things if I just backed out and let what happen happen. I mean, there's nothing more frustrating than making plans that don't work out. I often find myself deciding where I'm going to be and what I'm going to be doing in a year, five years, ten years. How would I possibly start to make an educated guess? There is no way to predict the future. But the silliest part is that I feel like a let down when these plans start to get off course. I wonder if the best idea is to just start living with a little more abandon. I wonder what happens if I stop caring about little things as much as I do. Less stress? More craziness? Who knows?? I'm afraid if I adopted this attitude however, that it might put me in danger of hurting other people, which I don't think I could live with. Maybe it's just a delicate balance between the two that I haven't been able to find yet. Maybe I've finally lost my mind.
I think I'm going to try. A bold move.
I'm writing this like there's something horribly wrong right now and I need a whole overhaul on my outlook of life because of it. It's actually the opposite. I'm pretty happy. Maybe thats the best time to try out new strategies.
Maybe I'm crazy.
Side note: I saw Pirates of the Carribean. It was pretty good. I have trouble following movies with really complicated plots though, and after watching it I needed a good hour of Dalton explaining things before I finally figured it out. I'm so smart :)
Filling out forms in the doctors office today really put things into perspective. The huge list of things that could possibly be wrong with you and I didn't have to check a one. I really am a lucky jerk. Because if you don't have your health, what do you have? I'm always worried that talking about the things I take for granted is a good way to ask for a curse. So...I hope I haven't opened up a Pandora's box just with one short sentence.
I've done a lot of thinking in the back of my mind lately about how to live my life. A deep and complicated subject, no doubt. But, I always wonder if I'm doing it right. I mean, there aren't clear cut "right" and "wrong" lives exactly, I more wonder if I'm living the right way for me. I've got this idea in my head that I plan things too much. I plan things that I really have no hand in at all in my life, the big things even, that really can't be planned, and just sort of happen to you. Obviously this has not worked out for the best. It may sound like a strange plan of attack, but I'm wondering if I would feel better about things if I just backed out and let what happen happen. I mean, there's nothing more frustrating than making plans that don't work out. I often find myself deciding where I'm going to be and what I'm going to be doing in a year, five years, ten years. How would I possibly start to make an educated guess? There is no way to predict the future. But the silliest part is that I feel like a let down when these plans start to get off course. I wonder if the best idea is to just start living with a little more abandon. I wonder what happens if I stop caring about little things as much as I do. Less stress? More craziness? Who knows?? I'm afraid if I adopted this attitude however, that it might put me in danger of hurting other people, which I don't think I could live with. Maybe it's just a delicate balance between the two that I haven't been able to find yet. Maybe I've finally lost my mind.
I think I'm going to try. A bold move.
I'm writing this like there's something horribly wrong right now and I need a whole overhaul on my outlook of life because of it. It's actually the opposite. I'm pretty happy. Maybe thats the best time to try out new strategies.
Maybe I'm crazy.
Side note: I saw Pirates of the Carribean. It was pretty good. I have trouble following movies with really complicated plots though, and after watching it I needed a good hour of Dalton explaining things before I finally figured it out. I'm so smart :)