Upgrade
Title: Upgrade
Rating: PG-13 for some swearing
Pairing: Quinn/Rachel, Charlie/Rachel
Summary: I'm the old park that gets closed when some kid goes down the slide and comes out with a big long gash on his hand, and Charlie...well she was theupgrade down the street.
A/N: Don't own any of the characters.
Charlie is everything I’m not. Nice, easy to be around, strong, brave, I mean the list goes on. And ever since I can remember, that’s always how it’s been. Charlie was the good twin, and I was the bad one. That is until Charlie stood up to dad. She told him she was gay, and his face….I’ve never seen it so furious. But then just like that, she was whisked away to a boarding school, and suddenly I was the good twin. And that’s how things were until junior year.
I was starting to really connect with the people in glee, and I know the HBIC girl I was, was slowly starting to thaw away. Of course I was still the top shit at the school, but I was doing it while being me. Well not fully me, because I don’t think I’m ready for everyone to know that about me. I’ve kept it hidden for years, so I wasn’t about to start walking down the hall with a rainbow flag, and a gay pride shirt on, just because I’ve finally admitted it to myself, and to Santana and Brittany, by force I might add. Not by choice.
But there is one more thing that I haven’t been completely honest with. I haven’t even really said it to myself, I’ve just…..known, and it terrified me so much that even thinking about telling anyone made my head spin, knees buckle, and a parade of butterflies erupt in my stomach. And it wasn’t the good kind.
It was Rachel. Rachel Barbara Berry, and everything about her. I can’t give you the exact day, but we were still in middle school when it first hit me, and since then it only ever grew. And now….now it’s something that scares me so bad. But here I go. First step is always admitting it to yourself. I, Quinn Fabray, am in…in love with Rachel, Rachel Berry.
Let the sky open up and have God smite me now, because there is no doubt in my mind that I don’t love Rachel. And while I probably will never tell her how I feel, the least I can do is make her life better. I mean I did make it a living hell for her, for most of her high school career. Well the slushies were the first things to go, next was the name calling, and I’m pretty sure Santana thinks I’ve lost my mind or something, but I don’t care. I love her, and I’m not going to let her get tortured any more.
You can imagine all the questions that popped into her head, when all of it came to a screeching halt. And when she came to me asking the questions, I told her:
“I’ve treated you like shit for too long Rachel. I want to start making things better.” It was the honest truth, just not all of it.
From there Rachel and I we started building a sort of shaky friendship. She invited me to her house, and her to mine, and things were awkward at first, but it felt so good. Even if she was just my friend, having her around me was enough to put me in a better mood.
But like most things in my life, it suddenly turned to crap when mom informed me that Charlie would be returning back to McKinley tomorrow. And it’s not like I don’t like my sister, it’s just….she’s everything I’m not. I know people are going to start picking her over me. And before long it won’t be ‘Quinn I didn’t know you had a twin’ but ‘Charlie I didn’t know you had a twin.’ I don’t care if people think I’m being dramatic, but that’s seriously how things go. When Charlie’s in the spot light, Quinn is backstage in the dark.
And when she showed up for her fist day of school, it was no surprise everyone immediately became her friend, but that’s not the worst thing that could’ve happened. No, as soon as Charlie came to glee and she saw my Rachel, her eyes….they got a spark of something in them. And I know that look, I know it all too well, because I carry it every damn day.
And when a week passed of Charlie constantly being around Rachel, I knew they were both hooked, and any sliver of chance I could have had with her, was tossed out the window. But it wasn’t until the second week of her being here did it really start sinking in.
Cheerios let out early due to Coach Sylvester ‘Not wanting to become blind by how terrible we are’ and I was actually very grateful for that today. I saw Charlie and Rachel early in the day in the library sitting to close to be friends, while whispering back and forth in each other’s ear, and all I’ve wanted to do since then is take a nice hot shower and crawl into bed.
As soon as I stepped into the house, I was met with near complete silence, which was weird, because I know Charlie’s here, and she’s usually watching TV or playing on her laptop. But I couldn’t hear the TV and Charlie’s laptop is sitting on the kitchen counter where she had left it earlier in the morning. I put my bad down in a chair and slowly made my way into the living room, and when I stepped in and saw why everything was so quiet, the world around me slowed to a halt, and any air that was in my lungs was gone now.
Charlie had Rachel underneath her, with one hand sneaking up her shirt while the other was tangled in her dark locks, and they must have been so into the kiss that they didn’t hear me. But how could they not hear the shattering. I feel like someone just took a chisel and hammer to my heart, and gave it a nice hard bang. And I just don’t know how they can’t hear my heart shattering as the tiny pieces of it scattered across the living room floor.
But I’m guessing they had to let up for air sometime, and when they did, it was Rachel who notice me standing there, and when she did she immediately sat up and pushed Charlie off her, as if she had been caught cheating. And for some reason that’s what it feels like, but then again you can’t really catch someone cheating when they aren’t even with you.
“Quinn...” I could feel the beginnings of tears prickle the corners of my eyes, and I knew it wasn’t the time for that, so I drew in what was supposed to be a deep breath but it got caught in my throat and I had to use all of my self control not to let the sob come up.
“Quinn it’s-“ I shook my head.
“Just….treat her good.” I couldn’t even meet their eyes, cause I’m sure if I did I’d break down there. And I’m not sure who it was that said my name, but I was already going out the door when I heard someone get off the couch.
As soon as my foot hit the pavement of our porch, I took off. Running…it helped, but only so much. And as I ran things began to become blurry, and it was now that I realized I had tears streaming down my face. Great, I can’t imagine what people are thinking now. Probably something about crazy hormonal teenage girls and their dramas.
I wasn’t running to anywhere in particular, I was just running, but when I stopped to look up and see where my feet had taken me, I was a little surprised to see the old park that was closed staring back at me.
I couldn’t help the sad smile the pulled at the corners of my lips. This park….it reminded me of me. This park with its rusted merry go round, and worn swing chains barley hanging on, is me, while the new park down the road with its fresh new mulch, and multiple slide play set, is Charlie. I’m the old park that gets closed when some kid goes down the slide and comes out with a big long gash on his hand, and Charlie…well she was the upgrade down the street. The one with crisp knew swings and working teeter tarter.
With all these thoughts running through my head, I take a few steps into the park and just allow it to surround me. The sound of different squeaks coming from the different play areas was surprisingly refreshing from the dead silent upgraded park.
I let my fingers run along the chains of the swings and when I pull it away I see rust covering the tips and I’m a little shocked when a small laugh escapes past my lips. I don’t mind the rust, it adds character.
When I give the merry go round a push it squeaks to life, and never stops squeaking until it comes to a stop. The sound is welcome to my ears.
The slide wouldn’t be safe to go down, and the teeter tarter was rusted away, and besides you can’t teeter tarter by yourself.
And that leaves the last thing left to the park. Most people just hang out in the playground area, but if they’d just go past the bushes, and through a few thick piles of leaves and sticks, they’d come to the edge of the river.
It’s the spot I’ve always come to think, and let myself be worry free for the few minutes I would be here. But I can’t remember the last time I’ve come down here, and when I sit down on the worn out bench, it’s like I’m home.
~/~/~/~/~/~
I don’t remember falling asleep but I did, and now it’s dark. When I turn on my phone I see several texts and calls from Charlie, Rachel, and my mom. I let all go unanswered and close them all to see the time of a little past midnight. Wow…guess I needed the sleep more than I thought.
I didn’t head home straight away, I was already way past my curfew, so staying a little longer to listen to the frogs chirping, and the lightning bugs lighting up all around me wouldn’t hurt. And before I really know it, twenty minutes have passed and if at all possible, the sky seems darker, as if it could just open up and-
CRACK
It’s just my luck that a thunderstorm rolls in and starts dropping buckets upon buckets of water down onto Lima.
I ran as fast as I could back home, but by the time I reached the porch I was already soaked to down to the bone. When it rains, it pours I suppose.
The porch light is still on, but I don’t see any lights inside on, and I’m hoping with all of my being that everyone is either gone home or is sleeping, the last thing I want right now is to face-
When it rains, it pours. Rachel’s still here, and not only is Charlie awake but so is mom, and they’re all sitting on the couch, but when they hear the door slam close all eyes turn to me.
“Oh Quinnie.” I roll my eyes at mom’s nickname, and I try to start heading up the stairs before mom could get to me, but as my luck would have it, it wasn’t mom that grabbed my wrist, but Rachel.
“We were all really scared about you Quinn.” Rachel eyes were swimming with concern, and something else I can’t put my finger on, but I toss it out of my mind when Charlie comes up next to Rachel, and slips an arm around her waist.
“Thanks but I’m fine. I’m going to go to bed now mom.” She opens and closes her mouth a few times before nodding, and I don’t wait around any longer.
“I’m really worried about her Charlie. What if…what if she doesn’t approve of us? What if she hates me now?” I felt my heart clench when I heard the tears in her voice, and it’s now that I realize it doesn’t matter what happens to me, as long as Rachel’s happy then I can be happy for her.
When I wake up the next morning Charlie’s already awake and making breakfast when I come down.
“Hey.” She says, as I grab an apple from the bowl on the island.
“Hey.” I turn to start heading towards the door, when Charlie grabs hold of my arm.
“Quinn can I talk to you?” I knew this was coming sooner or later, I just had hoped for later.
“What?”
“It’s about Rachel.” My heart starts picking up speed at the mention of her name, and all I want to do is put a hand to my racing heart, but I knew it’d rise to many questions, instead I just swallow and nod for her to continue.
“We’re dating Quinn.” It’s official now. There’s no denying it. I’ve lost, and Charlie has won once again.
“Congratulations.” I put on a fake smile and grab my bag before she can continue the conversation.
Morning practice sucked more than usual, but most mornings do.
“Q, hold up.” And as if my morning couldn’t get worse, Santana’s jogging to catch up to me.
“What’s up with you?” She asks, and when I turn and look at her she has a crinkle in her forehead, one that’s known for her concern.
“Nothing.” I try and lie, but she’s stopping me and pulling us into the locker room.
“Ok now I know something’s up. You went through all of practice looking like a zombie Q. You know you can talk to me about anything right?” Now would be the time. Let Santana in, or just shove her out like I do with everyone else.
Keeping it all in is getting quite tiring, and before I know it, tears are springing to my eyes, and I’m fighting hard to keep them in.
“Whoa…Quinn what’s bothering you so much?” It was rare but Santana did show concern for her friends, and with her looking at me like everything would be ok, and knowing what I know, I can’t hold it back and I collapse in her arms like a big mess.
“She….she…she’s gone.” I feel her hand running through my hair and another rubbing my back, and as the tears keep flowing I’m finding it easier to just….be open.
“Shhh who’s gone?” I let out a sob and bury my face into her neck.
“Rachel…” Santana’s hands momentarily stop where they are before continuing.
“Where’s she gone to?” My heart clenches painfully in my chest and I feel like it’s being ripped right out, right through the ribcage, and up and out to lay motionless on the ground at me feet.
“Charlie.” Is all I can say and I feel my knees buckle and I’ve finally reached my lowest.
*3rd POV*
Santana struggles to keep the standing so she lets them slowly fall to the ground where she pulls Quinn into her lap and just lets her cry into her shoulder, all the while gently rocking them back and forth.
“I’m glad you finally admitted that you love the midget.” Quinn’s blonde head moves to look into Santana’s Auburn eyes.
“Don’t call her that.” Santana doesn’t try and stop the laugh that works its way out.
“Exactly my point. Damn Q, I can’t believe you would just let Charlie come in here and sweep your lady love in her arms.” Then just like that she shoved out of the Latina’s arms and was standing on her feet, HBIC glare firmly in place.
“I didn’t have a choice in the matter! As soon as they saw one another it was like they were made for each other.” Quinn allows her head to slip and she puts a hand to her forehead to try and hide the tears that picked up again.
“You should have go after her as soon as you found out Quinn.”
“I’m not Charlie Santana! I’m not brave, I can’t just….open myself up like that! No….besides Charlie makes her happy and that’s all that matters.” Quinn lets in a shaky breath.
“Are you being serious right now?” Santana’s angered voice makes Quinn look up and meet her gaze.
“’If she’s happy I’m happy’ really Q? You’re breaking in here, and you’re just gonna let her waltz away with your girl? Bullshit.” Hazel eyes burned with anger.
“What am I supposed to do Santana!? Tell her, and then have her put in the worst place she can ever be? No! I don’t care if I die of a broken heart, as long as she’s happy, then I can let her be.” Quinn’s words echo inside her head, and she lets out a hollow laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Quinn crosses her arms across her chest, something Santana knew when she was feeling insecure.
“It’s just….you say you’re not brave, but what you’re doing right now, giving up your happiness for hers….that’s brave.” The blonde’s arms slowly began slipping down.
“I know you don’t think you’re strong enough, or brave enough to come out and say it, but you are brave. This, and stopping the slushies, the name calling, that’s brave. Yeah Charlie might be brave enough to come out fully, but one day you will to, and with the right girl you’ll be strong enough to get through anything anyone could ever throw at you.” It was a rare moment, Quinn knew, for Santana to open up like this. She was after all just as bad as her. But for now Quinn was thankful for Santana, and she didn’t think twice to pull her in for a hug.
“Thank you.”
The day passed by faster than Quinn has ever had it, and before she knows it she’s sitting in the choir room. She can see Charlie and Rachel sitting in the front row holding hands, and it takes a few blinks and deep breaths to be able to push aside the tears. But when a tan hand squeezes hers, she looks at Santana and she knows she’s got someone to lean against.
When glee came to an end Quinn had thought she would finally be free, but as she rose and made her way towards the door, a soft voice calling her name made her stop and turn.
“Quinn may I speak with you?” Hazel eyes flashed over to a matching pair, and next thing she knew Rachel was saying something to Charlie in a hushed voice, and then Charlie was leaving.
“Quinn…”
“I really don’t know what you want to talk about.” Quinn turns around and runs her fingers along the keys of the piano, just something to keep her from looking into those chocolate eyes.
“Quinn what happened yesterday-“
“What? It was nothing.”
“Quinn will you please turn and face me.” When did she get so close? I didn’t hear her move. Quinn slowly complied too her request, and for the first time being alone today, hazel met chocolate, and Quinn knew she was a goner. Anything Rachel asked, she already knew she’d comply.
“I know it may have come as a shock to you yesterday, when you-“
“Rach it’s fine. I don’t care if you’re dating my sister.” Quinn flinched on the inside at her words, but didn’t let it show on the outside.
“Are you sure because I don’t want anything to come between our new found friendship.” Quinn puts on her fake smile and nods, which causes Rachel’s brow to crease and her eyes to begin dancing with confusion.
“Quinn-“
“Is that all you needed to talk about? Cause you probably shouldn’t keep Charlie waiting she gets impatient.” The blonde didn’t make it far before a small tan hand was stopping her.
“Quinn something is obviously bothering you. Please just be honest and tell me what’s wrong.” Quinn bit her lip to keep from saying something she would regret.
“No.” Rachel’s hand drops from her arm, and instantly she feels less warm, less strong, less brave.
“No? No to-“
“No I’m not going to say anything because it’d put you in a bad position and that’s something I don’t want to do. Now I need to go before I’m late to practice.” As Quinn turns and leaves, Rachel doesn’t stop her this time.
~/~/~/~/~/~
Cheerios practice had just ended when Quinn knew her already bad day, just became significantly worse. Charlie was standing at the gate, her arms crossed, and a familiar hard look in her eyes.
“Shit.” Santana meets where Quinn’s gaze is, and once she spots the other Fabray she understands Quinn’s
“Say the word and I’ll get rid of her.” Quinn drew in a nervous breath before shaking her head.
“No, it’s time I stop running.” Santana couldn’t help it. She stopped in her tracks as Quinn continued on until she was only a few feet away from Charlie.
“Rachel’s really upset about whatever it is you said. I don’t like Rachel upset.” Quinn bit her lip to keep from adding ‘You and me both.’
“Well it wasn’t meant to upset her.” Charlie pushed off the fence and stood face to face to her sister.
“Why don’t you just tell someone what is bothering you. It’d probably feel better if you did.” She’s right; it did feel good to tell Santana. It was like part of the weight was lifted off my shoulders.
“So you want to know what’s bothering me.” Quinn’s glare was equally met.
“I’ll tell you what’s bothering me. It’s you. You and Rachel. That’s what’s bothering me.” Charlie’s eyes took on an even harder look.
“You told Rachel you were-“
“I lied. But you want to know the reason why you’re bothering me?”
“Do tell.” Santana stopped just behind Quinn.
“I have been in love with Rachel since I can ever remember, and then you come in here and waltz her away. That is my problem. Are you happy now Charlie?” Hazel eyes were wide and her mouth was
hanging open, and while Quinn would have normally laughed at her sister’s face, now wasn’t the time.
“You’re in love with me?” Both pairs of hazel eyes lock onto one pair of chocolate.
“Rachel you-“
“Is this what you were talking about earlier? About not wanting to put me in a bad position.” Quinn was at a loss for words. She tried to make her mind work, to come up with a response, but nothing came to mind, instead she looked away.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for any of this to get out.” With that Quinn turned and began walking the way she had, Santana next to her the entire way.
~/~/~/~/~/~
*Quinn’s POV*
I feel like I can’t breathe. I can’t believe Rachel knows, she knows everything and so does Charlie. This feels like a bad nightmare, and all I want to do right now is wake up from it.
“Quinn you ok?” I hear Santana’s soft voice.
“You haven’t said anything, and you’re going to burn a hole in my wall if you keep staring at it like that.” She tries to laugh, but nothing feels funny anymore.
“Sorry, I’m fine.” I know she doesn’t believe it, but she doesn’t push it, and I’m glad.
I stayed at Santana’s as long as I could before Mrs. Lopez came up to inform me that it was a school day, and it was getting late.
“Call me if you need anything.” Santana said when she pulled me in for a hug.
“I will.” I waved goodbye to Mrs. Lopez before taking the short walk down the street to my house.
When I rounded the corner onto my road, I could see the porch light still on but there was an extra car in the driveway. I thought about turning around and going back to Santana’s, but I know I’ll have to face them sooner or later, so I might as well get it out of the way.
The light in the living room was the only light on, and from what I could see Charlie and mom aren’t here, so that just leaves-
“Quinn.” Rachel.
“What are you doing here?” Oh no…her cheeks are puffy and her eyes are red rimmed. I know those signs.
“I need to speak with you, and seeing as how you don’t return texts or calls anymore, this was the only option I had left.” I wanted so bad to just sweep her up in my arms and just hold her, but that’s crazy talk.
“Look if you’ve come to let me down, I can reassure you that it won’t be necessary, I already know.” Truth is I don’t think I could handle hearing her say it, even if I know it’s the truth.
“Quinn that’s-“
“Rachel please just…just go ok, I can’t-“ I didn’t get to finish my train of thought when it suddenly vanished when I felt her soft lips come up to meet mine.
“If you would’ve have let me finish my sentence, I would have told you that I love you to. I’ve always loved you.” A smile, a real smile, began to tug my lips upward.
“But Charlie-“
“Looks exactly like you, and I thought that I would love her like I love you, but I don’t….she wasn’t the real thing.” I can’t really form words with my brain turned to mush, and my heart pumping a mile a minute.
“Rach, I’m not easy. Charlie she’s-“
“Not you.” Her hands are soft against my cheeks, and the smile only grows, and I was happy to see it spreading to her.
I couldn’t really think of anything else to say, so instead I showed her. I leaned down and was happy to have been met half way. I’ve finally beat Charlie at something, and while it would have been nice to steal the spot light away from her from time to time, I would gladly give her all the first places in the world, as long as I always came first to Rachel.