life upd8
I've been living in Kalamazoo for a few weeks now, and it's been here and there. So far I have absolutely no social life and am bored out of my mind and wretched with brief spells of depression and consuming loneliness, which I am no stranger to. On the upside, I have air conditioning.
I went on a date last week, and I had a fantastic time. He was smart, funny, thoughtful, a good listener and conversationalist, had a nice body, gave me looks to tuesday, and loves "john wesley harding." What a winner. I don't think he'll contact me again. Just an intuition. The most perplexing aspect of all this is why I was so bummed out to not receive immediate further attention. For chrissake, I only met the man once. This is undoubtedly more a testimate to my own romantic loneliness than any perceived connection I observed and enjoyed, which is perhaps sadder than the latter. I want to be in love. For the first time, I don't care this way or that about getting freaky. There are actual affecting emotions involved. I was thinking about it, all sad and stuff, and I told myself "you just need to squash any hope. Just squash it." Then, another voice calmly intervened and said "no. You need to deal with your feelings," which terrified me beyond belief, and also frustrated me because I don't know how to go about doing so. I just don't. So that's what's been on my mind 75% of my days.
The week of my move, an old, and somewhat estranged, friend got a hold of me, expressing her need to see me because she had moved back into town and was at a lowest of low and needed to talk to me. Didn't explain the nature of her misery whatsoever, but let it be known that I was needed for therapeutic conversation. I dutifully made vague plans to hang out, but since I was working full-time, packing for a long-distance move, and desperate to relish my last moments with friends who I would see less over the coming years, I allowed my life to get in the way of her immediate emotional needs. Now she ignores my facebook comments. Seriously, the nerve. She had made zero effort to keep in touch with me over the years, and in her begging texts, presented her longing for specifically mine company as more a polite addendum than real motive. I suppose if she wants my therapy In the future I'll have to charge a market-reasonable fee.
Just another interpersonal disappointment.
Jared is coming to see me this weekend. He said we'll prolly go out to eat, get drunk, and make out. He's probably right, but he doesn't know I'm a new woman! One of romance, caught up in the daydream of fireflies and the fragrant whisper of peonies.
Jk.
...or am I?????
I'm not. I'm all romance all the time these days. And I'm running with it. Someone else can fulfill my duties to the gods of crass and imp. Not i!!!
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
I went on a date last week, and I had a fantastic time. He was smart, funny, thoughtful, a good listener and conversationalist, had a nice body, gave me looks to tuesday, and loves "john wesley harding." What a winner. I don't think he'll contact me again. Just an intuition. The most perplexing aspect of all this is why I was so bummed out to not receive immediate further attention. For chrissake, I only met the man once. This is undoubtedly more a testimate to my own romantic loneliness than any perceived connection I observed and enjoyed, which is perhaps sadder than the latter. I want to be in love. For the first time, I don't care this way or that about getting freaky. There are actual affecting emotions involved. I was thinking about it, all sad and stuff, and I told myself "you just need to squash any hope. Just squash it." Then, another voice calmly intervened and said "no. You need to deal with your feelings," which terrified me beyond belief, and also frustrated me because I don't know how to go about doing so. I just don't. So that's what's been on my mind 75% of my days.
The week of my move, an old, and somewhat estranged, friend got a hold of me, expressing her need to see me because she had moved back into town and was at a lowest of low and needed to talk to me. Didn't explain the nature of her misery whatsoever, but let it be known that I was needed for therapeutic conversation. I dutifully made vague plans to hang out, but since I was working full-time, packing for a long-distance move, and desperate to relish my last moments with friends who I would see less over the coming years, I allowed my life to get in the way of her immediate emotional needs. Now she ignores my facebook comments. Seriously, the nerve. She had made zero effort to keep in touch with me over the years, and in her begging texts, presented her longing for specifically mine company as more a polite addendum than real motive. I suppose if she wants my therapy In the future I'll have to charge a market-reasonable fee.
Just another interpersonal disappointment.
Jared is coming to see me this weekend. He said we'll prolly go out to eat, get drunk, and make out. He's probably right, but he doesn't know I'm a new woman! One of romance, caught up in the daydream of fireflies and the fragrant whisper of peonies.
Jk.
...or am I?????
I'm not. I'm all romance all the time these days. And I'm running with it. Someone else can fulfill my duties to the gods of crass and imp. Not i!!!
Posted via m.livejournal.com.