A few words on love at 4:00 in the morning
Remembering always that I am the epitome of the hopeless romantic, and I'm listening to Dave right now....
Joseph gave me a good analogy for love yesterday. Love is like a shadow. You run to it, it runs away. You run away, it comes right at you. The trick is to give it time. Eventually, the sun will rest right over your head, and the two will become one.
I like it. But I have something to add to it.
Because if you just stand there, expecting things to remain that way, you'll lose it. So there are two options if you want to keep love around. Pray that the sun will stop over your head, which is impossible; or follow it. Make sure the sun is always right over your head, make sure the shadow never leaves you. It's going to take a lot of work, a lot of sacrifice. But it's worth it, which fits under an entirely different analogy altogether.
In case you can't tell, I miss my girlfriend.... A lot. I miss the way her hair smells, I miss the way her lips taste... I miss the way she feels. I miss her voice, I miss her smile, I miss her laughter. I really miss her eyes. Damn, damn I miss her eyes.
And it's only been four days. 15 more. Crap. But she's having fun. She seems to be having a lot of fun, actually. Aside from being called a skank by some dumbass who I would love to get ahold of right now.... But yeah, aside from that, good time. I hope when she comes back she doesn't want to. I hope she's having such a good time that the idea of coming back here disappoints the hell out of her.
Well, tonight held a debate over the origins of homosexuality in individuals, whether it is a chosen behavior or simply a difference in the way the brain works. Good debate, best I've had in quite some time. I love arguing with people. Not fighting, mind you, just arguing. Makes you think, keeps you on your toes. It'd been way too long since I'd been in a good argument.
Also a discussion about love, with the same person. This was less an argument, more just two people throwing thoughts at an issue. Love is illogical. Greatly so. Why in the name of all that's holy would someone act so selflessly? I mean, if you really love someone, then you're at least willing to put yourself out for him or her greatly, and don't truly expect anything in return.
We discussed the idea that perhaps at root, such behavior is just made in an attempt to keep your partner loving you, just to make sure they never leave you. But love goes beyond even this, because I know that if I thought Natalie would be better off with someone else, then I would want her to be with that person. I've already told her that if she finds someone back here who can make her happier than I can while I'm in Austin, then all she has to do is tell me. She said the same to me.
So this love thing, what the hell is it? Good thing, I know that much. Just doesn't make sense. Maybe it stems out of a reproductive instinct, but it goes far beyond that. Monogamy doesn't make sense if love is just instinct. The more partners one takes, if one is male, the better the odds of reproducing successfully.
And yet, I can't imagine ever wanting to be with anyone but Natalie. And I'm more than willing to go to great lengths to assure her happiness, regardless of the cost to myself. It's very illogical. And yet, this selflessness brings me happiness, a sense of satisfaction.
Knowing that she's happy makes me happy. And while that idea has become instinct to me, when I really think about it, it doesn't make any damn sense at all.
So anyway, love doesn't make any sense, but I don't give a shit. I'm glad I found it, I feel great because of it, and all I want is to keep experiencing it, with her. Donno. Don't really care, when it comes down to it.
Well, that's it for now. It's very late, I've been doing a lot of other stuff since I started typing this, including putting things to rest with Brad, and I'm going to bed.
Joseph gave me a good analogy for love yesterday. Love is like a shadow. You run to it, it runs away. You run away, it comes right at you. The trick is to give it time. Eventually, the sun will rest right over your head, and the two will become one.
I like it. But I have something to add to it.
Because if you just stand there, expecting things to remain that way, you'll lose it. So there are two options if you want to keep love around. Pray that the sun will stop over your head, which is impossible; or follow it. Make sure the sun is always right over your head, make sure the shadow never leaves you. It's going to take a lot of work, a lot of sacrifice. But it's worth it, which fits under an entirely different analogy altogether.
In case you can't tell, I miss my girlfriend.... A lot. I miss the way her hair smells, I miss the way her lips taste... I miss the way she feels. I miss her voice, I miss her smile, I miss her laughter. I really miss her eyes. Damn, damn I miss her eyes.
And it's only been four days. 15 more. Crap. But she's having fun. She seems to be having a lot of fun, actually. Aside from being called a skank by some dumbass who I would love to get ahold of right now.... But yeah, aside from that, good time. I hope when she comes back she doesn't want to. I hope she's having such a good time that the idea of coming back here disappoints the hell out of her.
Well, tonight held a debate over the origins of homosexuality in individuals, whether it is a chosen behavior or simply a difference in the way the brain works. Good debate, best I've had in quite some time. I love arguing with people. Not fighting, mind you, just arguing. Makes you think, keeps you on your toes. It'd been way too long since I'd been in a good argument.
Also a discussion about love, with the same person. This was less an argument, more just two people throwing thoughts at an issue. Love is illogical. Greatly so. Why in the name of all that's holy would someone act so selflessly? I mean, if you really love someone, then you're at least willing to put yourself out for him or her greatly, and don't truly expect anything in return.
We discussed the idea that perhaps at root, such behavior is just made in an attempt to keep your partner loving you, just to make sure they never leave you. But love goes beyond even this, because I know that if I thought Natalie would be better off with someone else, then I would want her to be with that person. I've already told her that if she finds someone back here who can make her happier than I can while I'm in Austin, then all she has to do is tell me. She said the same to me.
So this love thing, what the hell is it? Good thing, I know that much. Just doesn't make sense. Maybe it stems out of a reproductive instinct, but it goes far beyond that. Monogamy doesn't make sense if love is just instinct. The more partners one takes, if one is male, the better the odds of reproducing successfully.
And yet, I can't imagine ever wanting to be with anyone but Natalie. And I'm more than willing to go to great lengths to assure her happiness, regardless of the cost to myself. It's very illogical. And yet, this selflessness brings me happiness, a sense of satisfaction.
Knowing that she's happy makes me happy. And while that idea has become instinct to me, when I really think about it, it doesn't make any damn sense at all.
So anyway, love doesn't make any sense, but I don't give a shit. I'm glad I found it, I feel great because of it, and all I want is to keep experiencing it, with her. Donno. Don't really care, when it comes down to it.
Well, that's it for now. It's very late, I've been doing a lot of other stuff since I started typing this, including putting things to rest with Brad, and I'm going to bed.