whoopie. happy hallofuckenween

[im_only_kai]

so i'm up stressing. listening rather than watching the rocky horror picture show. and guess what he's doing? snoring away without a care in the fucking world. this is all HIS goddamn fault and I'M the one staying up and worrying about everything. i love it. i was tired last night. i didn't want to have sex. and what happened? i let him have his way, i stayed up with him and did what HE wanted. can i get the same courtesy tonight? no of course not. should i understand that he's as stressed out as i am when he never shows it, he never shows remorse or regret unless we're in a fight and he can use it to get me to shut up and feel sorry for him?? apparently so.

i dont understand why i thought anything would be different. just like the last one, it's gotten to the point where we are mutually using each other and we're both too fucking stupid to say anything or do anything about it. too stupid or too selfish, i haven't quite figured it out yet.

i dont know what i'm going to do with this all gets straightened out. i dunno if i should stay, if i should go. i have no idea. i just dont think i can take this much longer.

everyday i love him just a little bit more
and he loves me the same.