i'm such a good liar i fool myself...
i keep making excuses as to why i continue to care. and i honestly don't know why i continue to care. i try my hardest not to, and i start not to for a while, but curiosity gets the best of me and then i see stupid things that shouldnt bother me but do. and then everyone gets angry face and tempermental and hypocritical. britt wrote something in her lj along the lines of "we don't have eyes in the back of our heads for a reason. we're not supposed to look back. we're supposed to focus on the future" or something like that. and i wish i could be one of those people. i wish i could just drop the past. but the way i see it is, the past makes us who we are.. he's my past.. and i kinda don't like who i am right now. so if i choose to care or not, that's my prerogative. it's not really affecting me for longer than two seconds out of my day. i'm not running for him or begging him to change his opinion of me. his opinion is his opinion. he obviously has a fucken problem and can't see that HE'S the slut cuz in this society, men can't be sluts. only the women can. so whatever. the way i see it is, he can think i'm a slut all he wants. i didnt do half the shit he did to me to him or to other people for that matter. i treated him so much better than he deserved and he took that and me for granted. and he'll never own up to what he's done or how he's fucked up everyone who comes into his life. and he'll never care. cuz he's robert austin chianese. he can do no wrong.
but whatever. everyone's allowed a moment of relapse. i'm not leaving ronnie, not even thinking of it. when i see things like that it bothers me cuz it's not true and he honestly thinks that it is and thats he's being clever. he doesn't understand he's a joke and a waste of life. and if i cared, it'd make me sad.
and for the peerson who honestly think that he's capable of having any kind of relationship with you.. i pity you. and you deserve better. but you like to forfeit on better, don't you?
It's funny how your worst enemies always seem to
turn out to be all of your
"best friend"'s best friends
I wish her... past tense my best friend
But I folded and I told
These aren't things I say to save me
But I folded, I told
I hope she's caught in the explosion
So I update this almost every single day for you
I begin to hate you for your face, not just the things you do
Nothing that you do is new to anything or anyone but you
but whatever. everyone's allowed a moment of relapse. i'm not leaving ronnie, not even thinking of it. when i see things like that it bothers me cuz it's not true and he honestly thinks that it is and thats he's being clever. he doesn't understand he's a joke and a waste of life. and if i cared, it'd make me sad.
and for the peerson who honestly think that he's capable of having any kind of relationship with you.. i pity you. and you deserve better. but you like to forfeit on better, don't you?
It's funny how your worst enemies always seem to
turn out to be all of your
"best friend"'s best friends
I wish her... past tense my best friend
But I folded and I told
These aren't things I say to save me
But I folded, I told
I hope she's caught in the explosion
So I update this almost every single day for you
I begin to hate you for your face, not just the things you do
Nothing that you do is new to anything or anyone but you