132 - Sorry for the second post so soon...
Private to Rufus, Veld, Rude//Unhackable
I have it on good authority that Reno is... is no longer here in the city. It's...it's safe to assume he's gone home or somewhere even better, and though people have returned from home, some have not. We need to be prepared...for the worst, whatever that might be.
I felt it best to tell you for the assignments and workload and bureaucratic end of things.
I...is it all right if I leave it to you to tell the appropriate parties, sirs? If not, I can make the announcement to the Turks and whoever you feel should know.
Private to Rude//Hackable
Can...can we go out tonight? I can get a bottle of bourbon, and we...we can go...sit in the treehouse...or we were invited to Sunde with Schuldig's big mouth...or yeah. Please? If you have time, of course?
Private to Self//Unhackable
He's...gone. And I'm happy for him, I am, like I was for Shu on that bittersweet level, but...it hurts. It hurts.
How many years will have passed before/if he comes back? Will he remember what happened here? The things, the way they changed? Will I ever see him at all?
I don't think I'm ever going home. I don't, and I'd be fine with that anymore, with having Schuldig and Shu here. But...but I didn't think it would hurt like this to lose those we love in the process.
The decisions are torture, and we don't even get a choice. Isn't that funny? I don't get to say if I stay or go, someone makes it for me, and every day could be the last day I wake up next to the people I care for, because either one of us could open our eyes alone in a still-warm empty bed.
I've lost Tseng twice. I lost my sister. I lost Shu and Logan. I lost the president and all those people. It hurts, it hurts...
I never got to tell Reno how sorry I was. I never got to hug him and tell him that even if he forgets all of me, all of everything, I'd never forget him.
What kind of shit is this?! I want it all, and it's terrible and I know I shouldn't, but I want my Turks, I want my company, I want my president, I want my sister, and I want the friends and loved ones I have now! Is that so wrong? Is it?
Is it wrong to want happiness? I've...I've tried to be good...
Please, don't take anymore from me. No more. Or if you do, just let me know that they're the happiest that they can ever be so I don't hurt so much without them... Even I'm not that selfish.
...crap.