"this is why i'm hott: i'm hott 'cause i'm fly, you ain't 'cause you not."
whenever i get on here to write, i always have so much running through my head, and i want to get it all out, but it's just not possible. these thoughts just run too fast.
this weekend was interesting and very boyfriend oriented. we randomly drove down to tucson for the night on friday. that was the worst night of sleep i think i've ever gotten. try sharing a couch that could barely fit one, with two fully grown adults. it wasn't comfortable, but i totally dominated :) saturday, i worked allll day. the story of my life on the weekends...sucksss but i gotta make the money somehow right? saturday night: chill, relaxing, passed out by 12.30 with the boy watching hitch. awh cute, i know. sunday: more work. but AMAZING night. those conversations him and i had were absolutely priceless. i loved it.
i always feel like it's a competition with her. even though i've never met her in my entire life, and i really have no idea who she is. but she's the ex-girlfriend. she's his first love. she's the one who will always have a part of him that i will never be able to experience. i hate it. it's so overwhelming, and i just can't keep up with it sometimes. this weekend was wonderful. everything about it...but in the process of it becoming wonderful, conversations further solidified my competetion theory. ugh i hate her. harsh, i know. but i can't help it. i'm so jealous that she got to experience him as a whole, and now, he gets to experience me as a whole, but it's not a fair exchange. this is when and where i start to regret never having a relationship in high school. yes, i'm sooo glad i never had one, because they're dumb, but the lack of one made me miss out on experience that would've been great to have. sometimes i feel like i'm 5 years old when it comes to this relationship stuff. he was in one for 2 years, and the one we're in right now is my first and therefore longest relationship thus far. NOT FAIR. haha. i can't believe how patient he's been with me, especially under the circumstances. it's good i know, but i just really wish i had more experience then meaningless make out sessions and broken hearts. but oh well, what can i do?
it's officially valentine's day. i hate it. i'm convinced that valentine's day even with a boyfriend will still suck. i just hate the holiday. why do we need one day of the year to show that special someone how you feel, shouldn't you do that on a regular basis? whatever. he told me it'd be different. this valentine's day. i'm not convinced. and i won't be until i see how the day goes. but so far, it's not looking good, and wait what time is it? it's only 1 hour and 19 minutes into it. suhweet.
fuck this.