This Was My EsSaY tO Mr.S EwAnS ClaSs
Happiness Essay
(yes i would liek to share it all with you)
I was asked to write an essay on what makes me happy. Well, unfortunately I took this essay as just another assignment and began writing down things that went with the side of me that everybody knows. The makeup, nice clothes, lots of friends, popular girl side of me. I started writing about these things as people gave their essays in front of the class. A classmate of mine went up there and started reading about how the rain makes her happy. How the raindrops fall and wash away the unhappiness from her shoulders into the gutter. I stopped to listen to a few more. All I was thinking to myself was "I'm not alone." Trying to keep painful, truthful, and guilty tears inside me I realized, no one knows who I am. I couldn’t even think if my parents have seen the real side of me. That’s when I lost it. I cried like a baby and poured words from my mouth I have never spoken to anyone before… "I am unhappy." Now this assignment was to write what makes me happy not what makes me miserable. So I have spent the last 3 days soul searching to tell the only people I have ever opened up to what truly makes me happy.
The theatre makes me happy. If I were asked to go anywhere in the world it would be to a Broadway play in New York. My mom and me go to see as many productions as we can here. But not just being at the theatre makes me happy; I love being in theatre. The lights, the music, the singing, and most of all, being able to be somebody else for that moment. When you are acting, you are in a completely in a different world. You are inside somebody else's soul. And you are showing that soul to hundreds of people in the audience. I have never done that with my own life, so it makes me happy to pretend I actually am that giddy young girl in love for the first time, or even just the ensemble in the background dancing and singing my feelings out. I am somebody else who doesn’t care who is watching or judging. I just care what my character is feeling.
California makes me happy. I used to live there. When I visit is the only time I really feel like I am home. Something about being able to drive 30 minutes to the beach with my friends and the warm sun glistening on my back makes me want to go there right now. I have my friends there who actually know the real Stefani. The girl who likes to just wear big t shirts and jean shorts and run around the house singing show tunes. The girl who is not afraid to show anyone how much she has inside. Here I keep it balled up under the expensive clothes and plastic attitude. But when I get there I unleash it all. I am myself.
It was hard to think of the third thing that truly made me happy. I have been putting on this act for so long that it actually started to become my life. My truth. I put up these four walls that hid my true identity and it was hard to knock them down and remember what makes me truly happy. But it doesn’t matter what that was anymore. The real thing that is making me happy is realizing that I need to find my happiness. You all made me realize that what I thought was making me happy, was actually making me unhappy with myself. That is something I will keep with me forever. So I would just like to say that I respect and honor and care for all of you. I hope you feel the same way. And I hope I can show someone what you all have shown me. Thank you.