theatrical-muse: Stranger.
2008
Ever since waking up in a cave, Tony had lost track of time and now that he's free he's starting to discover that it's not coming back to him as easily as he had expected. It feels like it has been days, not hours, since Rhodey had found him in the desert, and despite how exhausted he is, and how he can barely move without his body burning with pain, all he wants to do is go home. That's all he needs. He needs to put behind everything. The memories. The cave. Yinsen. The dirt that he still feels clinging to him, the sand he still feels throughout his body and pressing into his skin under his finger nails. Now that the possibility of going home is actually a realistic one, he aches to just go. California, New York - anywhere. He just wants something familiar. He just wants his old life back. Rhodey had said he had been gone for three months, but damn if it didn't feel like it had been years.
When it's finally time to get ready to leave, though, Tony can't ignore the way that his heart seems to beat stronger and uncomfortably as it presses against the arc reactor. Suddenly he can swear that it's too bright, it's protruding too much from his skin so it must be too obvious, and his hand flies unconsciously to cover it.
But, he ignores it. After Rhodey sets down the suit, shirt and tie that Pepper had arranged to have for him, he doesn't even notice he leaves the room because all he can do is stare at the clothes blankly. Hadn't it been just minutes since he had been looking forward to getting out of the scrubs he had been given, since he had balked at the idea of a hospital gown? The clothes look too clean, though; they look so perfectly crisp and new, and even more than going home suddenly all he wants is another shower. A long, hot shower that would hopefully make him feel cleaner than he does right now. Because he still feels dirty. There's still dirt and smudges on his skin, isn't there? He hadn't gotten rid of all the sand. His hair feels disgusting even if he had just showered and it was still wet.
Picking up the tie, he passes his thumb along it for a second as he feels the silk and chuckles wryly under his breath. Three months. It had been three months since he had last worn something like this, right? So, how come it feels like it was another lifetime? While being in the cave he would have never thought that he had gotten used to the hard cot he had slept on close to the ground and the dirt. He would have never thought he had gotten used to the cold, and the cave itself.
Then how come all this - the clean clothes, the idea of going home - suddenly feels so...foreign? Because, even if these clothes are meant for him, they don't feel like they are. For a moment he just feels like a stranger in his own skin, and his heart seems to press against the arc reactor uncomfortably again as if saying, 'This is the new you. The old you didn't have this thing in his chest, did he?'
"Tony? Tony."
Blinking, Tony turns to look at Rhodey who is suddenly there again, and when the noise of the room and the hospital in general registers in his head again, he just tries to ignore the sudden anxiety. There are so many people around, and even if it's just himself and Rhodey in the room he just feels cornered. He just needs to go. "Yeah," Tony just answers, even if he doesn't know the question. "...what'd you say?"
Rhodey stares for a moment, studying his best friend's face, but doesn't vocalize his concern yet. "You need help getting dressed? I mean with the..." He trails off, but nods towards Tony's right arm, that is being cradled close to his body because he had refused to hear the suggestion of a sling.
"I'm fine." Tony notices Rhodey about to say something, maybe ask again, but he just shakes his head. "I'm good. I'll let you know, though."
He just needs a moment, he says without saying a word, but thankfully Rhodey seems to understand. He just hopes by the time the plane lands he'll feel a little bit more like himself again.
Ever since waking up in a cave, Tony had lost track of time and now that he's free he's starting to discover that it's not coming back to him as easily as he had expected. It feels like it has been days, not hours, since Rhodey had found him in the desert, and despite how exhausted he is, and how he can barely move without his body burning with pain, all he wants to do is go home. That's all he needs. He needs to put behind everything. The memories. The cave. Yinsen. The dirt that he still feels clinging to him, the sand he still feels throughout his body and pressing into his skin under his finger nails. Now that the possibility of going home is actually a realistic one, he aches to just go. California, New York - anywhere. He just wants something familiar. He just wants his old life back. Rhodey had said he had been gone for three months, but damn if it didn't feel like it had been years.
When it's finally time to get ready to leave, though, Tony can't ignore the way that his heart seems to beat stronger and uncomfortably as it presses against the arc reactor. Suddenly he can swear that it's too bright, it's protruding too much from his skin so it must be too obvious, and his hand flies unconsciously to cover it.
But, he ignores it. After Rhodey sets down the suit, shirt and tie that Pepper had arranged to have for him, he doesn't even notice he leaves the room because all he can do is stare at the clothes blankly. Hadn't it been just minutes since he had been looking forward to getting out of the scrubs he had been given, since he had balked at the idea of a hospital gown? The clothes look too clean, though; they look so perfectly crisp and new, and even more than going home suddenly all he wants is another shower. A long, hot shower that would hopefully make him feel cleaner than he does right now. Because he still feels dirty. There's still dirt and smudges on his skin, isn't there? He hadn't gotten rid of all the sand. His hair feels disgusting even if he had just showered and it was still wet.
Picking up the tie, he passes his thumb along it for a second as he feels the silk and chuckles wryly under his breath. Three months. It had been three months since he had last worn something like this, right? So, how come it feels like it was another lifetime? While being in the cave he would have never thought that he had gotten used to the hard cot he had slept on close to the ground and the dirt. He would have never thought he had gotten used to the cold, and the cave itself.
Then how come all this - the clean clothes, the idea of going home - suddenly feels so...foreign? Because, even if these clothes are meant for him, they don't feel like they are. For a moment he just feels like a stranger in his own skin, and his heart seems to press against the arc reactor uncomfortably again as if saying, 'This is the new you. The old you didn't have this thing in his chest, did he?'
"Tony? Tony."
Blinking, Tony turns to look at Rhodey who is suddenly there again, and when the noise of the room and the hospital in general registers in his head again, he just tries to ignore the sudden anxiety. There are so many people around, and even if it's just himself and Rhodey in the room he just feels cornered. He just needs to go. "Yeah," Tony just answers, even if he doesn't know the question. "...what'd you say?"
Rhodey stares for a moment, studying his best friend's face, but doesn't vocalize his concern yet. "You need help getting dressed? I mean with the..." He trails off, but nods towards Tony's right arm, that is being cradled close to his body because he had refused to hear the suggestion of a sling.
"I'm fine." Tony notices Rhodey about to say something, maybe ask again, but he just shakes his head. "I'm good. I'll let you know, though."
He just needs a moment, he says without saying a word, but thankfully Rhodey seems to understand. He just hopes by the time the plane lands he'll feel a little bit more like himself again.