(no subject)
So, this is me, writing a serious post for once, for the first time in awhile. Hello world. Lately life seems to be so good, yet something comes out of no where and just knocks you on your ass. You think it's finally going your way, and that maybe this could be something good for you for the first time ever. Then, WHAM, it's knocked away and what was once an opportunity, is now nothing but a misconception, something you never really had in the first place. High hopes are a killer I've learned. You take those damn love songs' advice, and just go for it, take a chance, and risk your heart, and sometimes, it doesn't pay off at all. There's no looking back and smiling at what you had, knowing that now there apparently wasn't a damn thing. Here's another term. Best friends. Not the best girly friends who gossip and hang out and watch OC and share their lives together, but the other kind. The boy that claims he loves you so much, yet all you are is "best friends". Somehow best friends is above lovers, and thats the best way a boy can express his feelings. Nope, no sex, no lovey dovey stuff, but best friends. You understand each other so much, that you finish each others' sentences, you sing to each other, and always express whats on your mind. You click so well and you even kiss each other as if you're in love. But guess what, you're just best friends. It almost sounds selfish, as if I'm constantly asking for more, that somehow best friends isn't enough. But perhaps it just wasn't what I was looking for. I was very clear in my emotions, but somehow they got crossed and I'm left with an "I love you, you're my best friend, and that's all." I guess when you hold and kiss someone it's a way of expressing just how much you care about the other, even if you're not dating. There's such a fake chemistry, but somehow, out of all that physical display of affection, you're 'just friends'. It kills me really. For the first time I realized that in my life, someone really depends on me and cares about me, and truly loves me. However, all that love, seems to be emphasized in the wrong direction for what I was hoping and praying for. I didn't wanna be just friends, I wanted selfishly to be both. A relationship that was all around amazing. I suppose I just shot far too high. Now I'm left with this title, and responsibility to go along with it. He needs me, yet doesn't want to date me. He kisses me, but has feelings for another girl. I'm now obliged to restrain myself, put on a fake smile, and an "I'm happy for you, really." However, I'm the one there when he needs someone, not her. I'm the one with the comforting words and smiles. But I don't get in return what I had hoped for. Best Friends. Well if best friends make each other cry, give them a false vibe, and like other people and expect me to be fine with it, then this job is much harder than I thought. Maybe I'm not cut out for it just yet. Come Saturday when there's a slow song on and I'm left standing alone, when I look over and see my best friend in the arms of some ungrateful girl, I'll remember just what "best friends" did for me. Yet at the end of the day, when I'm needed I come running, I listen and sympathize and don't mind it one bit. I'll always be there, labeled as "that girl I used to love". Yes he still loves me, I won't argue it. But it's all different now. More is expected of me, I guess. I'm here to lean on, as he is in return, but how am I to go on living that kind of life, where I always secretly still want more. I'm stricken green with jealous, yet I still need to be supportive, and be a good caring person. New phase in our relationship, and apparently this is how it's been for awhile, but I'm clearly too dumb to see it. So here it goes, best friends, no benefits, no other feelings, just a great friendly love where we can rely on each other and always find comfort in each other. Great, I'll see how that turns out. So, in conclusion, fuck love, fuck best friends, and watch yourself before you "Live for the moment, and take this advice." because now I so corny-ly agree, "Love is just a hoax so forget everything that you have heard."
I'm finished now. Let it out, and moving on, slowly. Hope everyone has and will enjoy their homecomings and their someone-specials. Peace.