I'm broken.

[im_honestly_me]

So I have been avoiding talking about this with anyone at all really. But, tonight it kind of just hit me all at once and I am currently really upset.

So this summer I did alot of things: some that I don't regret and some that I do.

And the major one that I do regret is what is bothering me.

I think everyone who reads this knows what I am talking about and if you don't exactly know then I will tell you on a one on one basis if you really want to know.

Anyway, right now I am feeling like shit, because I realized that I let myself get used.

I have been building a barrier around myself for as long as I remember.

I don't let people get close to me, so that they cannot hurt me.

But, this summer I fucked it up.

I broke the barrier and it sucks.

At the time, I was like whatever it's not a big deal.

It was fun.

Well, now that I am looking back at everything that happened this summer and even recently I realized that I was just kidding myself.

I was being used.

I don't know if any of yall have been truly hardcore used, but I hadn't until now (that I know of) and it feels like shit.

I am trying so hard no to cry.

I mean I don't have feelings for the "User", trust me I don't, but it still hurts that someone would do that.

I don't usually talk about when I am sad, but I don't really know who I can talk to about this.

At the time it happened, it was a touchy subject with my friends, but even then I don't know if they know what happened because the "User" is such an asshole liar that he could have said anything.

I am shaking right now and I don't know what to do.

I am really hurt.

I think this has been in the back of my mind since it happened, but I was trying to make myself believe that it wasn't true.

God, this sucks.

I'm sorry if this is jumpy and if it doesn't make sense, I'm really upset.

I wish I could talk to someone about this and not worry about what they are thinking about me or the "User" or whatever.

Damn, I better get busy on the new barrier.