(no subject)
So holy cow. I seriously thought this only happened in the movies. Like, not even good movies. Just the really, really bad ones.
My Dad forgot my birthday.
No really. He did.
Actually, my Mom says that he didn't forget, but that he just chose not to call. He knew it was my birthday on Sunday, because I saw him on Saturday for about 2 minutes. Granted, before he could say 'Happy Birthday' he said, "Are you here to drop off money for me?". I said no and he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told him I have everything I need, more specifically, I am getting exactly what I want in 15 days, a Marine who wants to hold my hand. He said, "Who's Richard?" and then he added that he thought I was going to ask to drive around another free car. So I left.
Sunday came. People called. Even people I hardly ever talk to anymore. People dropped off balloons, people told me they loved me, people invited me to go out. I even got new stuff from the Dollar Store, which is honestly more than I expected. I am so grateful for all of it. Even the new toothbrush. I have no complaints.
Except that my Dad DID call my house on Sunday. Yup, sure did. And he asked to talk to Scott. Are you kidding me? And I stood in front of Scott the whole time he was on the phone with my hand out like a 5 year old begging for candy or something. And then he hung up. No message for me, just news that repairs on Scott's mini-bike are going well. I think I am still in shock.
I cannot remember the last time I cried like I cried last night. It probably hasn't happened since Richard left in January. I'm glad it hasn't. I don't really like crying that much. It makes my throat hurt and my mascara run. But I couldn't stop it last night. My brother hugged me in the kitchen because he could just tell by the look on my face that I was crushed. And I just cried and cried and cried. I seriously didn't know what else to do.
I talked to my Mom last night about WHY this is how things are. About WHY my Dad can walk into the house and say 'Hey' to Tracey, Marc, and Scott, but then look at me and not say a word. I don't get it. And it sucks. And it hurts. And it's sad, because it is SO hard to remember a time when it wasn't like this. My Mom told me last night, "Oh Mary, he used to love you so much, and he still does, he just doesn't know how to show it I guess.". I'm tired of her trying to cover for him. It doesn't make it right, it doesn't make it feel better. It flat out sucks.
And I try SO hard to be a good person. I screw up a lot, I know, but MAN, I really do try. I don't understand WHY this is happening, but it's okay. All part of God's plan right? I don't have to understand it to accept it. It is what it is. And I'm learning from it.
Blahblahblah. Just a lotta venting. It helps though. And thanks to everyone who helped make my 19th birthday a special one, because really, it was good. I'm a very fortunate girl and I have TONS to be thankful for.
PS. EVERYONE needs to pray for Richard. He started The Crucible last night and it goes for 2 1/2 days. And then, he's officially a United States Marine. Ahhh. I'm so proud, and excited, and nervous, and twitterpated. It's an amazing thing to have someone who can give you all those emotions and not even be right in front of you. <3.
My Dad forgot my birthday.
No really. He did.
Actually, my Mom says that he didn't forget, but that he just chose not to call. He knew it was my birthday on Sunday, because I saw him on Saturday for about 2 minutes. Granted, before he could say 'Happy Birthday' he said, "Are you here to drop off money for me?". I said no and he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told him I have everything I need, more specifically, I am getting exactly what I want in 15 days, a Marine who wants to hold my hand. He said, "Who's Richard?" and then he added that he thought I was going to ask to drive around another free car. So I left.
Sunday came. People called. Even people I hardly ever talk to anymore. People dropped off balloons, people told me they loved me, people invited me to go out. I even got new stuff from the Dollar Store, which is honestly more than I expected. I am so grateful for all of it. Even the new toothbrush. I have no complaints.
Except that my Dad DID call my house on Sunday. Yup, sure did. And he asked to talk to Scott. Are you kidding me? And I stood in front of Scott the whole time he was on the phone with my hand out like a 5 year old begging for candy or something. And then he hung up. No message for me, just news that repairs on Scott's mini-bike are going well. I think I am still in shock.
I cannot remember the last time I cried like I cried last night. It probably hasn't happened since Richard left in January. I'm glad it hasn't. I don't really like crying that much. It makes my throat hurt and my mascara run. But I couldn't stop it last night. My brother hugged me in the kitchen because he could just tell by the look on my face that I was crushed. And I just cried and cried and cried. I seriously didn't know what else to do.
I talked to my Mom last night about WHY this is how things are. About WHY my Dad can walk into the house and say 'Hey' to Tracey, Marc, and Scott, but then look at me and not say a word. I don't get it. And it sucks. And it hurts. And it's sad, because it is SO hard to remember a time when it wasn't like this. My Mom told me last night, "Oh Mary, he used to love you so much, and he still does, he just doesn't know how to show it I guess.". I'm tired of her trying to cover for him. It doesn't make it right, it doesn't make it feel better. It flat out sucks.
And I try SO hard to be a good person. I screw up a lot, I know, but MAN, I really do try. I don't understand WHY this is happening, but it's okay. All part of God's plan right? I don't have to understand it to accept it. It is what it is. And I'm learning from it.
Blahblahblah. Just a lotta venting. It helps though. And thanks to everyone who helped make my 19th birthday a special one, because really, it was good. I'm a very fortunate girl and I have TONS to be thankful for.
PS. EVERYONE needs to pray for Richard. He started The Crucible last night and it goes for 2 1/2 days. And then, he's officially a United States Marine. Ahhh. I'm so proud, and excited, and nervous, and twitterpated. It's an amazing thing to have someone who can give you all those emotions and not even be right in front of you. <3.