"In this bed of razors we sleep together forever"
Well as of today Josh and I have been together for 11 months. Thats about the most exciting part of my day. As miserable as I feel i still don't think it was ok for me to act the way I did toward everyone today. Everyone meaning the very small amount of people that care to talk to me anymore, so mainly that means josh. I feel really bad about that. I don't have anything really new to write about, which could be one of the main things that have been bothering me lately. I mean, where did everyone go? People who used to be there aren't anymore. My birthday is on march 14th, all i want is my friends, but they are nowhere ot be found. For some reason the only person who cares to have any involvement with me anymore is Josh. It's a scary thought. Over the summer and at the beginning of this year things were fine. I was spending my time elsewhere with different people. Jessica and I went to NJ over the summer, went to shows last year, and we always had fun. Now we hardly talk anymore. She has a b/f now and she spends all of her time with other friends. Then I got really close with Mary and we always had so much fun. We would always have a great time when we hung out and went places, which at one point was all the time. Now im lucky to see her at all. She spends her time now mostly talking with her "boyfriend" that she never sees anyway because he is 30 and lives in Canada. Personally im really glad he doesn't see her at all because he is an asshole. He is breaking up with her every other day and then sends her something and telling her he is sorry is supposed to make it better somehow. And she falls for his bullshit every time because she swears she loves him.
For Mary:
Well Mary, just because he may say he "loves" you it doesn't mean that its the only person who will. So if you feel obligated to be with him you shouldn't. Do you think he is the only person who will love you, so you're afraid to leave him? There are many other people out there. And I know you don't want to believe it, but it's true. There were times in past relationships when i felt there was no one else in the world for me, but In time I have proved myself wrong. If he truly loves you, he would consider your feelings before saying shit to you that he already knows will make you confused, such as "I don't know if this is working out" or "I love you, but im not in love with you." Suddenly afterwards he realizes that it was way too much fun fucking with you and wants to make up just so he can do it all over again. To send you flowers and a card is no problem for him as long as he is getting u to believe what he wants you to believe so he can make you cry and feel like you have nothing left when he leaves. You have abandoned almost every friend you have including me, for someone that you don't truly know. I don't want you to think that I think theres something wrong with you or that you can't get anyone, cuz thats not what im trying to say. You unknowingly dove into the shallow end of the pool. Who knows what will happen next? As much as you think you know Daryl, he could be something completely different. Look at his age anyway.. he is 14 years older than you and in this country thats illegal. Don't you think that maybe you each should be finding someone of your own age group? Maybe he's and under age porn freak like patrick swayze. Anyone can easily make up a story. You dont know what your're getting into. I'm only telling you this because I care about you. Although you dont seem to care much about whether im a friend of yours I still care what happens to you. You are, or were my only real friend. It was great when we would hang out. I felt like you were the only person who really cared if I was dead or not. Now you aren't even there at all. When you're not talking to Daryl you're always with Ricci. I dont have a problem with her at all, but it just kinda hurts knowing that you guys have been spending a lot of time together and you couldn't think to try to hang out with me. i cant even remember the last time we hung out. We made plans to hang out saturday, then what? We had to make those plans a few weeks in advance. Wtf is up with that? Do you remember when you said at the beginning of the year that Jessica was gonna find different friends and forget about us? Well thats exactly what you did to me. On top of that I see this asshole come and move in on everyone around you. Im trying to tell you before its too late. You can be happy without him and he is an asshole. There is someone out there for you, but you just haven't met him yet. Im glad that he may say things to you that make you feel important sometimes, but that isn't happiness. Compare those compliments with all of the times he hurt you and see the difference. If there is anything you should trust me on, it's this. If I've learned anything, its when a guy can and cannot be trusted. I don't want anything to happen. I don't want him to hurt you anymore. You're my best friend and I just wish you still cared about that. Even when you were the only one i had it still felt great having someone there to talk to sometimes.
Thats only one of many things bothering me but I don't really feel like complaining to a computer screen anymore. It will do me as much good as talking to a wall.
For Mary:
Well Mary, just because he may say he "loves" you it doesn't mean that its the only person who will. So if you feel obligated to be with him you shouldn't. Do you think he is the only person who will love you, so you're afraid to leave him? There are many other people out there. And I know you don't want to believe it, but it's true. There were times in past relationships when i felt there was no one else in the world for me, but In time I have proved myself wrong. If he truly loves you, he would consider your feelings before saying shit to you that he already knows will make you confused, such as "I don't know if this is working out" or "I love you, but im not in love with you." Suddenly afterwards he realizes that it was way too much fun fucking with you and wants to make up just so he can do it all over again. To send you flowers and a card is no problem for him as long as he is getting u to believe what he wants you to believe so he can make you cry and feel like you have nothing left when he leaves. You have abandoned almost every friend you have including me, for someone that you don't truly know. I don't want you to think that I think theres something wrong with you or that you can't get anyone, cuz thats not what im trying to say. You unknowingly dove into the shallow end of the pool. Who knows what will happen next? As much as you think you know Daryl, he could be something completely different. Look at his age anyway.. he is 14 years older than you and in this country thats illegal. Don't you think that maybe you each should be finding someone of your own age group? Maybe he's and under age porn freak like patrick swayze. Anyone can easily make up a story. You dont know what your're getting into. I'm only telling you this because I care about you. Although you dont seem to care much about whether im a friend of yours I still care what happens to you. You are, or were my only real friend. It was great when we would hang out. I felt like you were the only person who really cared if I was dead or not. Now you aren't even there at all. When you're not talking to Daryl you're always with Ricci. I dont have a problem with her at all, but it just kinda hurts knowing that you guys have been spending a lot of time together and you couldn't think to try to hang out with me. i cant even remember the last time we hung out. We made plans to hang out saturday, then what? We had to make those plans a few weeks in advance. Wtf is up with that? Do you remember when you said at the beginning of the year that Jessica was gonna find different friends and forget about us? Well thats exactly what you did to me. On top of that I see this asshole come and move in on everyone around you. Im trying to tell you before its too late. You can be happy without him and he is an asshole. There is someone out there for you, but you just haven't met him yet. Im glad that he may say things to you that make you feel important sometimes, but that isn't happiness. Compare those compliments with all of the times he hurt you and see the difference. If there is anything you should trust me on, it's this. If I've learned anything, its when a guy can and cannot be trusted. I don't want anything to happen. I don't want him to hurt you anymore. You're my best friend and I just wish you still cared about that. Even when you were the only one i had it still felt great having someone there to talk to sometimes.
Thats only one of many things bothering me but I don't really feel like complaining to a computer screen anymore. It will do me as much good as talking to a wall.