This is why I did it.
I can't speak on behalf of the rest of the community here. I always had hair well below my chin, usually even below my shoulder. Then, when gay hit me, I chopped it. I got my little lesbian haircut and came out of the closet.
Why did I do it? It was somewhat of a cry for help. You know when you're going out and you want your crush to notice you, you wear something nice and noticeable? Well, I wanted ANYONE to notice me. People automatically assume everyone is straight, unless proven gay. Just like the principle of presumption of innocence, this is for sexual orientation. Well, when your bark and bite are equally weak, you need to come up with something. What makes a gay man gay? Flamboyancy. What makes a lesbian a lesbian? A short haircut and flannel. I'm too young to be sporting flannel, and I needed a year round thing that would work in the heat, so I went for the haircut. I know I’m stereotyping here, but I’m given the right. Just like I can say spic and you can’t.
So… unless a girl is hyper masculine, she is usually considered straight. I needed this cut to help me out of the closet. It makes telling your friends easier (if they don't believe your celibate ass, all you need to do is point upward to your 'do) and it makes your welcome into the community quicker. Long-haired hot SOFT girls are always questioned… "she might be straight, so don't get involved" I've said it. People have said it to me. You gotta keep your guard, it’s a war zone out there.
I've seen some uber femme (I hate that word) hotties and questioned them as questioning themselves. This does not bode well on me, or the other person. Solution: cut your hair. I didn't have to prove myself, didn't have to make out with the president of the LGBT welcoming community. There was no test. I came in with the secret password. All I had to do was meet one person. When she introduced me to her friends, I didn't have to say "no really I AM a lesbian, I swear I’m not trolling for another girl to be part of a threesome with my boyfriend who’s standing right there in a puddle of drool and unidentified liquids." No sir, I pointed upward to my hair and that, my friends, was the secret password into the club.
Isn't that the worst stereotype? Yeah, and we hate it when other people use it. But I buy into it and you buy into it sometimes. I mean, you're standing in a straight bar. How do you pick out the lesbian? If you've been in the business for quite some time, you may just say that you get "the vibe" from another girl. On the other hand, if your gaydar is less than stellar, you judge the book by its cover. Flannel shirt, check. Cargo shorts + Abercrombie polo with popped collar clearly bought in the men’s section, check. Softball player, check. Short hair, CHECK
Before I lead you to believe that I don't think the hot feminine long-haired lesbians exist, let me say this. My girlfriend is a hot feminine lesbian with hair. When I met her, though, I said to myself "she's straight." Now that I'm proficient in gay, I know that to be false.
Years ago, before any experience with a girl, yet absolute definite knowledge that I was, I felt insecure. I thought, since I couldn't tell, that no one else could tell. You know, I was invisible. The upside being that none of my friends had to know, the downside being that I would never ever EVER date. I knew that there were some at straight bars…there HAD to be, considering the one gay bar in the town, that I would describe as a closet with 30 gay men. No pun intended. Since these girls were having trouble finding me in the straight bar, I decided to make it easier…and more obvious. I mandi-moored my hair. And then my friends noticed. The questions flew… was I gay? "no" (YES…duh) then why would I cut my hair? "because it's too much of a pain to blowdry" (because I want these lesbians to notice me) I knew that if my straight friends could tell, I was in the clear.
And I was, for the most part. I felt more obvious. It certainly made me more confident. And I gayed up. That's exactly what it was. Now it's years later, and I'm finally about done growing this thing out. It's taken a long time and it's been a long road, but 1) I don't need girls to notice me and 2) I realized I never really needed that haircut. Just how that haircut affected me. Not that I’m complaining though, because it was neither time consuming nor hard to deal with. Bedhead was acceptable, even endearing. If I have bedhead now, I look like dirty Mexican trash who’s got the flu, which is neither acceptable nor endearing. On the other hand, there was no ponytail to wear on a humid rainy day.
There are pros and cons, but the truth is that haircut changed my entire life. A haircut… that’s right. I mean, I would still be gay if I hadn’t cut it, but I would’ve had a lot more proving and explaining to do. And let’s face it, it’s much easier to have yourself be defined without explanation, than to have to sit there and waste your breath. Even if it IS all based on a stereotype. So if you’re straight, don’t cut the hair… ever. You’ll spend the growing process explaining to your friends that it is, in fact, just a haircut, and you do, in fact, still love the penis. If you want an easy in, just do it. Even if it looks crappy, four years later when you’ve grown it out, your hot girlfriend will look at those pictures of you with your little pixie looking cut and say “thank god you grew your hair out, you looked like a super dyke before.”
Why did I do it? It was somewhat of a cry for help. You know when you're going out and you want your crush to notice you, you wear something nice and noticeable? Well, I wanted ANYONE to notice me. People automatically assume everyone is straight, unless proven gay. Just like the principle of presumption of innocence, this is for sexual orientation. Well, when your bark and bite are equally weak, you need to come up with something. What makes a gay man gay? Flamboyancy. What makes a lesbian a lesbian? A short haircut and flannel. I'm too young to be sporting flannel, and I needed a year round thing that would work in the heat, so I went for the haircut. I know I’m stereotyping here, but I’m given the right. Just like I can say spic and you can’t.
So… unless a girl is hyper masculine, she is usually considered straight. I needed this cut to help me out of the closet. It makes telling your friends easier (if they don't believe your celibate ass, all you need to do is point upward to your 'do) and it makes your welcome into the community quicker. Long-haired hot SOFT girls are always questioned… "she might be straight, so don't get involved" I've said it. People have said it to me. You gotta keep your guard, it’s a war zone out there.
I've seen some uber femme (I hate that word) hotties and questioned them as questioning themselves. This does not bode well on me, or the other person. Solution: cut your hair. I didn't have to prove myself, didn't have to make out with the president of the LGBT welcoming community. There was no test. I came in with the secret password. All I had to do was meet one person. When she introduced me to her friends, I didn't have to say "no really I AM a lesbian, I swear I’m not trolling for another girl to be part of a threesome with my boyfriend who’s standing right there in a puddle of drool and unidentified liquids." No sir, I pointed upward to my hair and that, my friends, was the secret password into the club.
Isn't that the worst stereotype? Yeah, and we hate it when other people use it. But I buy into it and you buy into it sometimes. I mean, you're standing in a straight bar. How do you pick out the lesbian? If you've been in the business for quite some time, you may just say that you get "the vibe" from another girl. On the other hand, if your gaydar is less than stellar, you judge the book by its cover. Flannel shirt, check. Cargo shorts + Abercrombie polo with popped collar clearly bought in the men’s section, check. Softball player, check. Short hair, CHECK
Before I lead you to believe that I don't think the hot feminine long-haired lesbians exist, let me say this. My girlfriend is a hot feminine lesbian with hair. When I met her, though, I said to myself "she's straight." Now that I'm proficient in gay, I know that to be false.
Years ago, before any experience with a girl, yet absolute definite knowledge that I was, I felt insecure. I thought, since I couldn't tell, that no one else could tell. You know, I was invisible. The upside being that none of my friends had to know, the downside being that I would never ever EVER date. I knew that there were some at straight bars…there HAD to be, considering the one gay bar in the town, that I would describe as a closet with 30 gay men. No pun intended. Since these girls were having trouble finding me in the straight bar, I decided to make it easier…and more obvious. I mandi-moored my hair. And then my friends noticed. The questions flew… was I gay? "no" (YES…duh) then why would I cut my hair? "because it's too much of a pain to blowdry" (because I want these lesbians to notice me) I knew that if my straight friends could tell, I was in the clear.
And I was, for the most part. I felt more obvious. It certainly made me more confident. And I gayed up. That's exactly what it was. Now it's years later, and I'm finally about done growing this thing out. It's taken a long time and it's been a long road, but 1) I don't need girls to notice me and 2) I realized I never really needed that haircut. Just how that haircut affected me. Not that I’m complaining though, because it was neither time consuming nor hard to deal with. Bedhead was acceptable, even endearing. If I have bedhead now, I look like dirty Mexican trash who’s got the flu, which is neither acceptable nor endearing. On the other hand, there was no ponytail to wear on a humid rainy day.
There are pros and cons, but the truth is that haircut changed my entire life. A haircut… that’s right. I mean, I would still be gay if I hadn’t cut it, but I would’ve had a lot more proving and explaining to do. And let’s face it, it’s much easier to have yourself be defined without explanation, than to have to sit there and waste your breath. Even if it IS all based on a stereotype. So if you’re straight, don’t cut the hair… ever. You’ll spend the growing process explaining to your friends that it is, in fact, just a haircut, and you do, in fact, still love the penis. If you want an easy in, just do it. Even if it looks crappy, four years later when you’ve grown it out, your hot girlfriend will look at those pictures of you with your little pixie looking cut and say “thank god you grew your hair out, you looked like a super dyke before.”