I hope everyone's seen Mean Girls . . .
Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Justin's life definitely didn't make me and Taylor any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.
Maddi: I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.
Just so everyone knows: Trang Pak made out with Coach Carr! And so did Sun Jin Dinh!
Olivia and Maddi remember: Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers. At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you *will* get Chlamydia... and die.
Justin: I gave you everything! I was half a virgin when I met you!
Kayla: She made out with a hot dog.
Nicole: She is a grotsky, little byotch.
Doug: Yeah, he's almost too gay to function.
Meg: Look, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I only date women of color.
Mara: Boo, you whore!
Bunny: I don't hate you cuz yo' fat... yo' fat cuz I hate you! Oh and by the way, I have this theory, that if you cut off all you hair you'd look like a British man.
Everyone: I know Bunny's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you wont make fun of her!
Mike: I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhoea at Barnes & Nobles . . . And I'm sorry for telling everyone . . . And I'm sorry for repeating it just now.
Paige: Stopping making this about you. I'm the one that got hit by the bus.
Jessica Mae: Oh my God, I love your skirt! Where did you get it? . . . Vintage, so adorable. [after Jessica walks away] That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I've ever seen.
Gay and Lesbian film festival protestors keep in mind that: And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs . . . and the homosexuals.
Taylor: One time he punched me in the face... it was awesome. And by the way, why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just *stab* Caesar!
Andrea: Somebody wrote in that book that you're lying about being a virgin because you use super jumbo tampons... but you can't help it if you've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!
Ryne and that creepy note girl: Can I get you guys anything? Some snacks? A condom? Let me know! Oh, God love ya.
DC: We all know why your hair is so big, it's full of secrets.
Zoe: Stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!
So everyone my point is: I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...
Maddi: I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.
Just so everyone knows: Trang Pak made out with Coach Carr! And so did Sun Jin Dinh!
Olivia and Maddi remember: Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers. At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you *will* get Chlamydia... and die.
Justin: I gave you everything! I was half a virgin when I met you!
Kayla: She made out with a hot dog.
Nicole: She is a grotsky, little byotch.
Doug: Yeah, he's almost too gay to function.
Meg: Look, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I only date women of color.
Mara: Boo, you whore!
Bunny: I don't hate you cuz yo' fat... yo' fat cuz I hate you! Oh and by the way, I have this theory, that if you cut off all you hair you'd look like a British man.
Everyone: I know Bunny's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you wont make fun of her!
Mike: I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhoea at Barnes & Nobles . . . And I'm sorry for telling everyone . . . And I'm sorry for repeating it just now.
Paige: Stopping making this about you. I'm the one that got hit by the bus.
Jessica Mae: Oh my God, I love your skirt! Where did you get it? . . . Vintage, so adorable. [after Jessica walks away] That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I've ever seen.
Gay and Lesbian film festival protestors keep in mind that: And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs . . . and the homosexuals.
Taylor: One time he punched me in the face... it was awesome. And by the way, why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just *stab* Caesar!
Andrea: Somebody wrote in that book that you're lying about being a virgin because you use super jumbo tampons... but you can't help it if you've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!
Ryne and that creepy note girl: Can I get you guys anything? Some snacks? A condom? Let me know! Oh, God love ya.
DC: We all know why your hair is so big, it's full of secrets.
Zoe: Stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!
So everyone my point is: I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...