you can cover your eyes but you'll still hear lies
I hate the term "best friend".
Whenever I hear someone say "*insert name* is my best friend." or "i love *insert name* more than anyone else" all it does is make me feel inferior. maybe i'm just jealous. maybe i'm just envious that i have never heard someone say something like that to me. or maybe it just upsets me because i can only hope for that one day.
I hope for some day to find that someone will consider me their best friend. Some of you say that I am in your group of best friends, but it still doesn't feel like it.
I know that this isn't an important thing to talk about, and that i do have good friends. But it never really feels like it. People only seem to notice me in times like now when i'm upset all the time, or if i'm having a problem. If i ever want to see someone, i have to make plans with them. Not that i mind, but i just feel like if i make plans a lot, then i'm just bugging them all the time. I wish that one day someone would just call me up and say "hey want to hang out". I just feel like people only notice me if i bug them or if im upset. And it's not that i want to be an attention whore, but if i don't see anyone then i get upset---its not something i can help. Sorry I don't have a family that i live with. And while they bug the hell out of you or ground you or whatever, they are still there. The lack of human presence is depressing. I hate it. I'm sorry if I always want someone around me.
Sorry that i'm selfish and petty.
I'm going to sleep now.
Maybe i just need my meds again.
Whatever.
Whenever I hear someone say "*insert name* is my best friend." or "i love *insert name* more than anyone else" all it does is make me feel inferior. maybe i'm just jealous. maybe i'm just envious that i have never heard someone say something like that to me. or maybe it just upsets me because i can only hope for that one day.
I hope for some day to find that someone will consider me their best friend. Some of you say that I am in your group of best friends, but it still doesn't feel like it.
I know that this isn't an important thing to talk about, and that i do have good friends. But it never really feels like it. People only seem to notice me in times like now when i'm upset all the time, or if i'm having a problem. If i ever want to see someone, i have to make plans with them. Not that i mind, but i just feel like if i make plans a lot, then i'm just bugging them all the time. I wish that one day someone would just call me up and say "hey want to hang out". I just feel like people only notice me if i bug them or if im upset. And it's not that i want to be an attention whore, but if i don't see anyone then i get upset---its not something i can help. Sorry I don't have a family that i live with. And while they bug the hell out of you or ground you or whatever, they are still there. The lack of human presence is depressing. I hate it. I'm sorry if I always want someone around me.
Sorry that i'm selfish and petty.
I'm going to sleep now.
Maybe i just need my meds again.
Whatever.