(no subject)
Time goes by I just try to hold my head up high people try to deny pass it by or just hide the feelings what's inside broken hearts and hard times don't let life break you down this time I'm sitting here crying here you're alone and dying there waiting for bad news like walking on broken glass no answers for what was asked you're all alone cause you know that I'd give my life for you time can be nothing but our enemy don't give up just hold on is the pain just too strong to hold sometimes we're wrong when we do it right tonight will be the night you'll break free from this fight don't let life break you dwon this time I'm sitting here crying here you're alone and dying there waiting for bad news like walking on broken glass no answers for what was asked you're all alone cause you know that I'd give my life for you time can be nothing but our enemy I'm dying from all I feel does it have to be this way memories of yesterday when it all just slips away I'd give up everything I have to keep you one more day I know that it's not right why do we feel this way why do I feel this way I'm sitting here crying here you're alone and dying there waiting for bad news like walking on broken glass no answers for what was asked you're all alone cause you know that I'd give my life for you time can be nothing but our emeny - Mest
Let me explain something to you pricks. I'm only explaining it once. So take into consideration what I'm going to say.. January 7th, 2004 was possibly the worst day of my life because I lost my best friend and no, she didn't walk out on me or stab me in the back. She died. She had a seziure and she drown while taking a bath. Now, a lot of you probably know what it's like to have a friend stab you in the back, or decide they don't want to be your friend anymore, but a lot of you.. don't have your best friend die. A lot of you don't have to live with th fact that you'll never see that person again. I have to live with that everyday and you know what, it's pretty fucking painful. When I lost her... I literally had nothing. I had a whole lot of friends who weren't speaking to me because I had changed and they thought I was weird or because I'd lost then because I was with my ex. All I had was music. The night Michele called me and told me that Krissy was gone. I didn't have the slightest fucking idea what to do with myself. I wanted to die. I went into my room I closed my eyes and I grabbed a fucking switchblade and I held it so tight to my wrist that you could see the droplets of blood fucking forming where the blade was. I turned on the music because I didn't want anyone to hear me. I wanted everyone to think that I was okay and to leave me the fuck alone. Well that song, that song right there... Walking On Broken Glass is the reason that I'm still here. If anyone out there thinks that I should just "get over this" then you have truely never had to live with having nothing but music. That is all I have. Everytime I hear that song I still think of her and I think that I'm still here because I wasn't supposed to die that night. Everytime I think of her I always think of "don't let life break you down this time". I am all alone in this world and I don't have much, but I have music which is my outlet. Everyone has one song, one lyric, one note that they identify themself with. Well this, this right here is mine. I probably wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for listening to that song hundreds of times on repeat when I thought my life was over. So to me, it hurts a little bit that they're quitting and it hurts a little bit that I'll never see them again. Music is all I have. This means everything to me. I hit rock fucking bottom. Not many of you... if any at all know what that's like. I had to pull myself together and I did it through music. I did it through bands like Mest, New Found Glory, Good Charlotte, and Blink 182. So for those of you that think I should just get over this and it was bound to happen eventually... think about the worst day of your life. To me.. that's the day I lost one of the most important people in mine. Everytime I go and see her and I sit at her grave side and I talk to her and tell her what's going on in my life... that song is playing in the back of my mind. So no, I'm not just going to get over it because it. Mest isn't trendy. They don't have an exceptionally large fanbase like some of the other made for MTV pop punk bands out there and you all know exactly who I'm talking abou, but they wrote the music that changed my life and maybe that doesn't mean shit to any of you, but it means a fucking lot to me. A lot of you, I never would have even met if it wasn't for seeing them play. I'm greatful for that, because I found friends who have a little bit of understanding of how I feel. Now maybe some of you think I'm being overdramatic or overreacting, but you know what.. I don't give a fuck because you don't know. You don't know what it's like to have nothing and to hear the voice of someone who's become a stranger on the other end of the phone telling you that your best friend is dead. You have no idea what it's like to be staring at your life as a plate of glass and have a fucking stone thrown through it.
And with that I say, fuck you, because some of you kids would cry your little hearts out if it was fucking Fall Out Boy or My Chemical Romance or shit like that. Well to me, this is sad, and it is important to me and that's my story. Like I said everyone has a song, a lyric, a note that they identify themselves with and that... that's mine and that's why I do. You don't know how much you love something until it's gone. None of you were at Krissy's funeral when my brother and my friends had to grab me by the waste and throw me in the car because I tried so hard to crawl into the ground with her. So if you think that I should just get over this I think that you should I either...
a) GO FUCK YOURSELF
or
b) Go kill yourself
When you have nothing... then come and talk to me and tell me how you feel when you find that song you can identify with. Don't tell me to get over shit because it'll make me hate you. It'll make me wonder what the fuck is wrong with you, and it'll make me want to be there on the worst day of your life to watch you suffer the way I fucking suffered when I lost one of the most important people in my life.