oye. the confusion over takes my mind again. as i return to the cycle of HELL. ok. ok. ok. so its not hell. its just stupid of me to do this. again. but i cant help it. theres just something about it thats comforting. its like a really SCREWED UP safty net. we are only using each other anyway. for this comfort that is felt. so maybe it wont be so bad this time...