we are the pretty petty thieves, and you're standing on our street.

[im_a_model]

its amazing how things can change so fast. i almost dont even kno what to say right now. this is my last sunday in my apt. i pretty much would rather die than move back "home". honestly i cant express how bad its going to be. i realized last night that i never stopped being depressed. i still am. i drink and smoke EVERY night and its just an escape from myself. i smoked and drank a little last night but it wore off real fast and i was like...wow its saturday night and im sober? i'm sober??? it actually shocked me. and i just started realizing thing after thing about myself and how much i have always felt like i didn't want to be myself. im reading this book called prozac nation and i feel like im reading about myself but what i will become if i don't try and help myself right now. its not easy to make the call to ask for a therapist. i just cant bring myself to do it. i want to so badly tho. im so out of it these days. im forgetful and so irresponsible, its crazy. i dont know what is going on with me. i have been wanting to go to bowling green for the past year in hopes for something better but i feel like nothings ever going to be "better". all i ever do is want something more. but im never going to stop being myself so im never going to be happy. i just dont know wut the hell to fucking do.

im sick of hearing about how bad of a person i am. all my flaws are being brought up to me constantly the past couple weeks and i am sick of it. im not perfect we all know this, noone is, and if you're my friend then you shouldnt be treating me like that. i hate that you never kno what is being said behind your back but its a reality.

lsjdflkafds i dont want to move. :'(

watch me get out of control tonight.