(no subject)

[im_a_big_loser]

i have come to realize that no matter what i do...i suck. whatever. my parents are constantly bitching at me for who knows what and i am really over it. i dont really feel much better. i still feel really lonely and its definitely not a good feeling. so between me screwing things up with andy (which proves how big of a dipshit i am), my parents constant and neverending bitching, and this unbreakable feeling of loneliness, i suck. i just wish i knew what to do or who to talk to. i mean i really do appreciate the people who have tried to help me lately, but i used to always know who i could run to and talk to but i dont feel that way anymore. but i guess i should stop my bitching and move on the the completely uninteresting events that have taken place since i last updated...which was yesterday. well today kinda sucked. i cleaned the house all day and listened to my moms neverending complaints about my attitude or whatever. if only she knew. i am comtemplating running away for a while. but im a wuss...i most likely wont do it. two main reasons beside me being a wuss
1) its really fricken cold outside and i have no where to stay
2) i know i gotta come back sometime and i will be in some deep shit

tomorrow should suck as well. i have to go back to the hospitak for more tests. sounds fun huh?its getting really old. they keep telling me before every test that that will be the last one for a while. but then they always find something else wrong anf put me on more fricken medicine. it sucks big time. but whatever, nothing i can do about it. i dont even know what i am getting done tomorrow. i never do, i kinda just go with the flow i guess. but thats all i really have to say for now. comment if you like.