I think you're wrong.
I hate this. And I don't want it. And I hate that you made this decision for me. And you have NO way of knowing if this is "for the best". I stood by you during some dark times. And now that I'm in the dark, where are you?
I don't want to do this again. I don't know how many times I can be ripped apart. Right now, it feels like this has to be the last time. That I can't trust again, I can't let go again, I can't let anyone in. Maybe I was right when I said it such a long time ago, "don't let anybody love you".
Because this is where love leads.
What did I do to make you stop loving me? And in such a seemingly short time. It hurts me to no end to think of you existing, and I can barely bring myself to say it, happier without me.
We were NOT better as friends, because we were always something more than that. And when we took that next step, didn't it feel like something that had been missing was there?
I was always so excited to see you in the morning. To eat I Love You toast together. To hold hands in the car. To kiss you. And kiss you. And not feel ashamed or wrong. To snuggle and spoon, I loved in the morning being the big spoon after pushing snooze.
And all the beautiful words you wrote me? My song, my letters, my book. You said you'd love me more days than are pages in that book. You didn't tell me those days were numbered too.
And how can I erase all that, and go back to being "friends"? Oh, like when we snuggled every night away in a haze of alcohol? When we laid awake and told each other our fears and regrets? When we smoked out of windows, and built fires, and drove in the snow? We barely managed not to cross that line then, how could we do it now?
Would we meet for superficial lunches, and pretend to care about mundane details of day to day life? It's different when you're together, I LOVED hearing about your day. I loved telling you about mine. And it's just not the same with a friend.
Nothing will ever be the same for me. And I don't understand why it keeps happening, or what I've done to deserve this. I loved you and loved you and loved you, and maybe too much.
Why couldn't you tell me when you weren't happy? I would have tried to get through this. Because maybe we wouldn't have been forever, but we could've had longer than this.
It kills me that you gave up so easily. That I meant so little.
That you're ok with not seeing me anymore.
Because I've lost more than a significant other, I've lost my best friend. The one who I would turn to with this pain would be you. But I can't.
And you can't see that I will be gone. You don't get to be selfish and alone AND have my unending support anymore. Because I handed you my heart, and you froze it and let it shatter.
I still can't believe it or understand it, and if I had my way we wouldn't be doing this. Because I still love you, and it's slowly killing me not seeing you. But seeing you would just drive the knife deeper.
Because you don't love me, and your cold, stony, robot demeanor would be the end of me.
Sometimes I fear this is the end of me.
I don't want to do this again. I don't know how many times I can be ripped apart. Right now, it feels like this has to be the last time. That I can't trust again, I can't let go again, I can't let anyone in. Maybe I was right when I said it such a long time ago, "don't let anybody love you".
Because this is where love leads.
What did I do to make you stop loving me? And in such a seemingly short time. It hurts me to no end to think of you existing, and I can barely bring myself to say it, happier without me.
We were NOT better as friends, because we were always something more than that. And when we took that next step, didn't it feel like something that had been missing was there?
I was always so excited to see you in the morning. To eat I Love You toast together. To hold hands in the car. To kiss you. And kiss you. And not feel ashamed or wrong. To snuggle and spoon, I loved in the morning being the big spoon after pushing snooze.
And all the beautiful words you wrote me? My song, my letters, my book. You said you'd love me more days than are pages in that book. You didn't tell me those days were numbered too.
And how can I erase all that, and go back to being "friends"? Oh, like when we snuggled every night away in a haze of alcohol? When we laid awake and told each other our fears and regrets? When we smoked out of windows, and built fires, and drove in the snow? We barely managed not to cross that line then, how could we do it now?
Would we meet for superficial lunches, and pretend to care about mundane details of day to day life? It's different when you're together, I LOVED hearing about your day. I loved telling you about mine. And it's just not the same with a friend.
Nothing will ever be the same for me. And I don't understand why it keeps happening, or what I've done to deserve this. I loved you and loved you and loved you, and maybe too much.
Why couldn't you tell me when you weren't happy? I would have tried to get through this. Because maybe we wouldn't have been forever, but we could've had longer than this.
It kills me that you gave up so easily. That I meant so little.
That you're ok with not seeing me anymore.
Because I've lost more than a significant other, I've lost my best friend. The one who I would turn to with this pain would be you. But I can't.
And you can't see that I will be gone. You don't get to be selfish and alone AND have my unending support anymore. Because I handed you my heart, and you froze it and let it shatter.
I still can't believe it or understand it, and if I had my way we wouldn't be doing this. Because I still love you, and it's slowly killing me not seeing you. But seeing you would just drive the knife deeper.
Because you don't love me, and your cold, stony, robot demeanor would be the end of me.
Sometimes I fear this is the end of me.