(no subject)
With some good news there is always bad news...unfortunately. Well Connor James Giovanni Lee is in the U.S. now!!! That is exciting, and that means my aunt kathy is home to see her mom in the hospital.
My grandma is hanging on, getting worse daily. We are just keeping her comfortable by giving her morphine every 3 hours...along with having someone with her all day long. I spent a while there last night, 7pm-11ish part of which time I was alone. The other part of it I was with Mike. We both I don't think really wanted to leave my grandma last night alone but if one of us left the other didn't have a car and the plan was that no one would spend the night last night. I can definately see that this whole grandma dying thing is taking a toll on my body, emotionally, physically and mentally. Last night i went to bed at 12, woke up at 4 stayed awake (like wide awake) until 5:30ish and went back to bed till 8am when i woke up to start my day. You can see it in my face that I am exhausted, and who knows this could only be the beginning. Mentally deals with me eating, my stomache tells me I'm hungry, well more my mouth says feed me...but my mind says you don't want to eat, err i don't want to eat, don't but food in me. Then it's the well I need to eat so what do i want to eat or what will my mind say okay you can eat that. It's a tough battle that is going on, then after I do eat i don't actually feel full, i feel the same way as i did before but i really don't want food anymore.
Honestly one thing that I am looking forward to is people bringing over food to my family after my grandma dies, then I'll have food and we won't have to make any and hopefully this feeling will go away, but now thinking about it it's like a feeling of emptiness that could be caused from my grandma physically dying.
Okay well I'm going to go now...time to just sit and do nothing since that's what i'm good at lately...i feel numb to everything it's not fun. Later guys.
My grandma is hanging on, getting worse daily. We are just keeping her comfortable by giving her morphine every 3 hours...along with having someone with her all day long. I spent a while there last night, 7pm-11ish part of which time I was alone. The other part of it I was with Mike. We both I don't think really wanted to leave my grandma last night alone but if one of us left the other didn't have a car and the plan was that no one would spend the night last night. I can definately see that this whole grandma dying thing is taking a toll on my body, emotionally, physically and mentally. Last night i went to bed at 12, woke up at 4 stayed awake (like wide awake) until 5:30ish and went back to bed till 8am when i woke up to start my day. You can see it in my face that I am exhausted, and who knows this could only be the beginning. Mentally deals with me eating, my stomache tells me I'm hungry, well more my mouth says feed me...but my mind says you don't want to eat, err i don't want to eat, don't but food in me. Then it's the well I need to eat so what do i want to eat or what will my mind say okay you can eat that. It's a tough battle that is going on, then after I do eat i don't actually feel full, i feel the same way as i did before but i really don't want food anymore.
Honestly one thing that I am looking forward to is people bringing over food to my family after my grandma dies, then I'll have food and we won't have to make any and hopefully this feeling will go away, but now thinking about it it's like a feeling of emptiness that could be caused from my grandma physically dying.
Okay well I'm going to go now...time to just sit and do nothing since that's what i'm good at lately...i feel numb to everything it's not fun. Later guys.