Dear LiveJournal,
Dear first love,
Please stop flirting with me. I've loved you since 1993. Now you're married with 3 kids. Every time you say something sweet and endearing, my heart breaks a little more. Enough now. Enough.
Sincerely, Heartbroken Girl
Dear mother,
Please realize it wasn't a phase, and it still hurts that you think it is.
Sincerely, Your gay son.
Dear Girlfriend,
Please don't use my 12 month deployment into Afghanistan as an excuse to dump me.
Sincerely, Just trying to provide for you
Dear best friend,
Please stop telling me I have small boobs. I am a B cup. You are only a C cup because you are a lot heavier than I am. Maybe you are insecure, but you have nothing to be insecure about and you're hurting me.
Sincerely, considering a boob job now.
Dear Stepdad,
I wish you had loved me more than the money I gave you for rent. They cut my hours, I couldn't pay so you kicked me out. I've tried to forgive you for this but I can't. I hope you burn in hell.
Sincerely, Worth less to you than the rent.
Dear mosquitoes of the night,
Please stop biting.
Sincerely, I will get you
Dear F*cker of a Father,
Please stop making my little brother want to commit suicide. A 10 year old should not be putting a knife to his throat.
Sincerely, Your daughter who had to put up with this same shit.
Dear Airport Security,
Please stop "randomly" selecting me.
Sincerely, Indian Person
Dear Girls,
Please don't wear tight shorts with words over your butt and then act upset when guys stare.
Sincerely, A concerned citizen
Dear Christians,
Please stop speaking for me.
Sincerely, God
Dear Bike Stealer,
Thanks for leaving my helmet. That way I won't hurt myself while walking home.
Sincerely, Bike-less Girl.
Dear Cookie Monster,
You'll change your tune when you're blind from diabetes...
Sincerely, Vegetables.
Dear Wife,
Please get a bikini wax. You look ridiculous with hair sticking out of your granny panties.
Sincerely, Husband.
Dear Facebook,
Just wait, one day they'll abandon you as well.
Sincerely, Myspace.
Dear Boyfriend,
Please don't lie to me about the porn on my computer. I'm not mad about the porn. I'm mad that you lied about it.
Sincerely, Your Girlfriend.
Dear person who was in the bathroom stall before me,
Yeah, there's this new fad going around these days. It's called flushing. You should try it sometime.
Sincerely, Thats just gross.
Dear Kids on my Street (And their ignorant parents),
Please get out of the street. Don't stare at me and expect me to drive around your basketball game to get home. The road is for cars. Next time, you'll be under mine.
Sincerely, I Will Mow Down the Little Fuckers
Dear Mrs. Lincoln,
So besides that how was the play?
Sincerely, Anonymous
Dear Edward,
You're doing it wrong.
Sincerely, Dracula.
Dear Cosmopolitan Magazine,
The strange sex move you suggested fractured by boyfriend's penis, and now I'm single. Lovely, just lovely...
Sincerely, disgruntled and skeptical reader.
Dear Forever 21,
Size 12 isn't plus size.
Sincerely, Not a Skinny Bitch
Dear Customers,
Yes, we are making fun of you in Chinese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies.
Dear Buffy,
We have a new assignment for you. His name is Edward.
Sincerely, K