copying this from my xanga
just to be friggen fair to my lj I'll copy the entry I wrote today in my xanga... Which blog I'm going to keep? Who knows... ohhh dun, dun, dun.
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cheers to Hilary and Maddy! &&confessions of a teenage drama-queen
Hilary and Maddy are, like, my besties.
I'll get to that in a bit.
I'm in the car right now, le sigh, nothing to do. Ugh. So bored. Anyways, I debated for a while on writing on my xanga personal things going on with me. I mean people can actually read this... But, I guess I will. In some ways. My secret is eating me up. What is there to say really? I'm just another stupid girl hiding behind a fake smile. overachieving and pushing harder every day... but its never enough for any of us. especially for myself. losing more weight from tears than in calories, I wish I could just stop worrying. shatter the mirror into a million little pieces, throw the scale against the wall. and I have in the past- many times. but SHE always comes back. I'm hooked... an addict with no hope for recovery...
It hurts so much inside. And now my secret is semi-out. I hate it. I have to wear armwarmers to hide my pain, or at leats the pain I tried to relieve myself of.
A few nights ago I weighed myself and it ends up I gained eleven pounds since prom, minus about three what I lost i the last two days or so... And it hurt inside so much. I broke the scale, and cried. I wanted to commit suicide or cut myself but I called Hilary instead... This was at 1:30 AM. She got me through. No new cuts.
Anyways, I hurt Maddy by lying to her and I feel awful. She forgives me... But I still really hurt her. I promise to never lie to her again. I was a stupid lie, I don't want to even talk about it.
I love you Hilary and Maddy, you guys are always there for me and I'm living off your promise to help me.
<33 Lils
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cheers to Hilary and Maddy! &&confessions of a teenage drama-queen
Hilary and Maddy are, like, my besties.
I'll get to that in a bit.
I'm in the car right now, le sigh, nothing to do. Ugh. So bored. Anyways, I debated for a while on writing on my xanga personal things going on with me. I mean people can actually read this... But, I guess I will. In some ways. My secret is eating me up. What is there to say really? I'm just another stupid girl hiding behind a fake smile. overachieving and pushing harder every day... but its never enough for any of us. especially for myself. losing more weight from tears than in calories, I wish I could just stop worrying. shatter the mirror into a million little pieces, throw the scale against the wall. and I have in the past- many times. but SHE always comes back. I'm hooked... an addict with no hope for recovery...
It hurts so much inside. And now my secret is semi-out. I hate it. I have to wear armwarmers to hide my pain, or at leats the pain I tried to relieve myself of.
A few nights ago I weighed myself and it ends up I gained eleven pounds since prom, minus about three what I lost i the last two days or so... And it hurt inside so much. I broke the scale, and cried. I wanted to commit suicide or cut myself but I called Hilary instead... This was at 1:30 AM. She got me through. No new cuts.
Anyways, I hurt Maddy by lying to her and I feel awful. She forgives me... But I still really hurt her. I promise to never lie to her again. I was a stupid lie, I don't want to even talk about it.
I love you Hilary and Maddy, you guys are always there for me and I'm living off your promise to help me.
<33 Lils