coping with my own fears and expectations....

[ilvjaz_ro]

I could have closed the door, and that chapter of my life, and moved on. I should have...because it would have made my life the past month A LOT easier. But I couldn't. There was too much history and my heart was too involved.....So instead I left the door open. Wide open. and with each passing day, I slowly let the door close by itself. and just when I thought the door was going to shut and I was finally moving on, you came back. Now I sit here and stuggle with this. I don't want to be angry, or feel hurt, but I do. Should I? I do believe I should. But I understand. I have been the friend on the other side of the fence, scared of changes, afraid that the friendship could potentially become hurtful, not confronting the fear, So you let go of the end of the rope that you are barely hanging from, and you chose to ignore or forget the problem. But then you end up hurting the person on the other end. its a double edge sword. Let your own personal feelings get hurt or hurt the other person, even if you don't do it intentionally....Well it happened. Do I hate you? Absolutely not. Do I forgive? Slowly...it takes time for wounds to heal. Will things be the same? Probably not anytime soon....but someday. Why? Because I can't let our friendship fall through the cracks....You mean too much to me, and you are my best friend. I just hope that I am that person to you in some way. Because if I am not, then why am I opening my heart again? Its been stomped on so much in my life, I fear doing this....but because I have never been in this situation I know that it will work itself out....

I love you, thank you for loving me, and for your honesty. All I can do is give you my heart, and pray that you take care of it....

~Ro