blah
yet again, i feel negative today. people finally got the balls to ask me where i was, and a few of them i just couldnt brush off. so i had to tell some people about what happened. and my friend jen was really sad about what i told her. we have been really close since my freshman year when we both started playing waterpolo. and when i told her my story, she was really sad. when someone is my close friend, and then i tell them what happened to me. they get all sad, and say "i should have known" and then i feel bad. because honestly, know one knew. know one knew how i felt, i never really told anyone about my feelings. at one point in time, i honestly thought that no one cared. even my closes friends didnt know, for a long time people called me a big mouth, but the truth is, is i keep secrets really well, and the best one ever kept by me, was about myself. i didnt want anyone to worry about me, i wanted people to remember me as a happy person. it was all part of the plan, back then. its just very complicated. and then today in 5th i had a freaking anxeity attack, it felt horrible, so i just tried to fall asleep. and i am only gonna pass 3 of my classes, maybe. damn it. so yea. im still not feeling great.
but i did have a good time tonight. the whole lgbt group went to santa barbara, it was fun. we met some new people, i got to connect better with some that i already knew. and yea, things were good. i honesly had fun. but then i had to talk to someone about something i didnt feel like talking about. and it kinda brought me down. so now i have a headache. and my heart hurts. damn it.
**mo**
but i did have a good time tonight. the whole lgbt group went to santa barbara, it was fun. we met some new people, i got to connect better with some that i already knew. and yea, things were good. i honesly had fun. but then i had to talk to someone about something i didnt feel like talking about. and it kinda brought me down. so now i have a headache. and my heart hurts. damn it.
**mo**