jesus's long hair.
I saw Jesus yesterday, walking from the church. He tipped his hat at me as he always does. He took my hand, and walked me over to a tree. It was an apple tree. He picked an apple and sat down. His feet were bare; however he wore a brown suit. His hair was long, and he smelled like roses. I don't really know what roses smell like. I've seen them, and I've bought them. I'm sure I must've smelled them at some point. But I can't remember. Maybe Jesus didn't smell like roses, maybe roses smell like him.
'What's new?' he asked. He was always interested in what was happening in my life. I felt like he was an old teacher of mine, in high school perhaps, checking in, seeing how I have come to use the knowledge he chiseled in my mind. Facts and dates and people. No, not facts and dates and people. That didn't matter, and he knew that. He knew it didn't have anything to with life, or love for that matter. I hadn't noticed that Jesus was wearing glasses until he looked at me, (I hadn't responded to his question); perhaps he wasn't wearing them earlier. He likes to play tricks like that, especially on me. He’ll do anything to see me smile.
'Are those new glasses?' I asked. He closed his eyes and slowly removed the glasses from his eyes. His sad eyes. I never could figure out why his eyes were always so sad. He could have the brightest smile on his face, or could be laughing so loud that all of heaven could hear him, but his eyes. His eyes were always sad.
'I got them a few days ago,' he replied "do you like them?" I did like them, but he knew that. So I didn't respond. I just looked down. He handed me his half eaten apple. Jesus was such an interesting man. He never needs to ask you anything, because he already knows it. He knew that I too would like an apple. I could never figure out why sometimes he asked me and other times he didn't. I thanked him for the apple and took a bite.
"This is a great apple" I stated, as juice ran from the corner of my mouth to my chin, and down my neck. "I was going to stand up and get one but..."
"It wouldn't have mattered" he interrupted, "you aren't tall enough." He smiled at me. He was very tall. I often forgot this, and misjudged my own abilities to do things. When you're with Jesus everything seems possible, you feel invincible. I’m not trying to say anything like 'in faith you find strength'. I don't believe that. Many people do, good for them. I don't, I often wonder what Jesus thinks about it. He knows this, and he would tell me if he felt it to be important. Some things we just aren't meant to know or understand. However, I feel powerful with him, everything is so easy to him, and I think it is because he doesn't worry. I wouldn't worry if I knew everything would turn out alright. He never even has to make decisions, for he already made them.
"I envy you," I stated, but quickly wished I hadn't. He knew anyway, but the fact that I said it, I felt like it changed things, apparently it didn't.
"Why?" he asked, as if he didn't know.
"You know why," I pointed out, "why do you always ask me questions? You know all the answers, every answer."
"Because I envy you," he replied. He was still holding his glasses. Twirling them in his fingers. They were rimless with black arms. I didn't understand what he meant at first. But he knew I would. He stood up and hung his jacket on a tree branch, and sat back down.
"You don't realize how lucky you are." he said, "Just how lucky you are. You are human, you feel: pain, weakness, love, happiness, strength, misery". His voice was louder when he mentioned pain, weakness, and misery.
"As do you," I commented.
"You know what I mean," he slowly said, and sunk down on the tree. He ran his fingers through his beautiful hair, and put his glasses back on. "Are you sure you like these? There was another pair but..."
"Yes I do, and yes, I know what you mean."
I knew what he meant. Jesus wasn't living, he already lived. He lived some 2000 years ago, but even then we wasn’t living. Jesus, in a way, had no choices. Infinite wisdom means there are no mistakes, and always a correct choice. A single correct choice for every decision. Which means one path. A single path that leads him to a single destination. Which happened to be sitting next to me, under this apple tree. Jesus straightened his glasses, and looked at me. He smiled. His eyes were so sad.
"I love you," he said.
"I know you do," I replied, it was one of the only things I knew. I only got to say "I know you do" once every time we met. I liked to know that. "I love you too," I added.
He smiled, "let me take that core from you," I hadn't noticed that I had eaten the entire thing. Again he smiled, took the core from me, and walked away. He forgot his jacket. But then again, he doesn't forget anything. It was getting cold, so I put the jacket over my shoulders, sat a bit lower, and closed my eyes.
'What's new?' he asked. He was always interested in what was happening in my life. I felt like he was an old teacher of mine, in high school perhaps, checking in, seeing how I have come to use the knowledge he chiseled in my mind. Facts and dates and people. No, not facts and dates and people. That didn't matter, and he knew that. He knew it didn't have anything to with life, or love for that matter. I hadn't noticed that Jesus was wearing glasses until he looked at me, (I hadn't responded to his question); perhaps he wasn't wearing them earlier. He likes to play tricks like that, especially on me. He’ll do anything to see me smile.
'Are those new glasses?' I asked. He closed his eyes and slowly removed the glasses from his eyes. His sad eyes. I never could figure out why his eyes were always so sad. He could have the brightest smile on his face, or could be laughing so loud that all of heaven could hear him, but his eyes. His eyes were always sad.
'I got them a few days ago,' he replied "do you like them?" I did like them, but he knew that. So I didn't respond. I just looked down. He handed me his half eaten apple. Jesus was such an interesting man. He never needs to ask you anything, because he already knows it. He knew that I too would like an apple. I could never figure out why sometimes he asked me and other times he didn't. I thanked him for the apple and took a bite.
"This is a great apple" I stated, as juice ran from the corner of my mouth to my chin, and down my neck. "I was going to stand up and get one but..."
"It wouldn't have mattered" he interrupted, "you aren't tall enough." He smiled at me. He was very tall. I often forgot this, and misjudged my own abilities to do things. When you're with Jesus everything seems possible, you feel invincible. I’m not trying to say anything like 'in faith you find strength'. I don't believe that. Many people do, good for them. I don't, I often wonder what Jesus thinks about it. He knows this, and he would tell me if he felt it to be important. Some things we just aren't meant to know or understand. However, I feel powerful with him, everything is so easy to him, and I think it is because he doesn't worry. I wouldn't worry if I knew everything would turn out alright. He never even has to make decisions, for he already made them.
"I envy you," I stated, but quickly wished I hadn't. He knew anyway, but the fact that I said it, I felt like it changed things, apparently it didn't.
"Why?" he asked, as if he didn't know.
"You know why," I pointed out, "why do you always ask me questions? You know all the answers, every answer."
"Because I envy you," he replied. He was still holding his glasses. Twirling them in his fingers. They were rimless with black arms. I didn't understand what he meant at first. But he knew I would. He stood up and hung his jacket on a tree branch, and sat back down.
"You don't realize how lucky you are." he said, "Just how lucky you are. You are human, you feel: pain, weakness, love, happiness, strength, misery". His voice was louder when he mentioned pain, weakness, and misery.
"As do you," I commented.
"You know what I mean," he slowly said, and sunk down on the tree. He ran his fingers through his beautiful hair, and put his glasses back on. "Are you sure you like these? There was another pair but..."
"Yes I do, and yes, I know what you mean."
I knew what he meant. Jesus wasn't living, he already lived. He lived some 2000 years ago, but even then we wasn’t living. Jesus, in a way, had no choices. Infinite wisdom means there are no mistakes, and always a correct choice. A single correct choice for every decision. Which means one path. A single path that leads him to a single destination. Which happened to be sitting next to me, under this apple tree. Jesus straightened his glasses, and looked at me. He smiled. His eyes were so sad.
"I love you," he said.
"I know you do," I replied, it was one of the only things I knew. I only got to say "I know you do" once every time we met. I liked to know that. "I love you too," I added.
He smiled, "let me take that core from you," I hadn't noticed that I had eaten the entire thing. Again he smiled, took the core from me, and walked away. He forgot his jacket. But then again, he doesn't forget anything. It was getting cold, so I put the jacket over my shoulders, sat a bit lower, and closed my eyes.