(no subject)
Part of me feels as though I have written about this before and should have tagged my blog so I could find it more easily. Part of me thinks I've just talked about this and never written my response in any way I can look at again. Either way, this topic continues to rear its head. Time to type.
So many people are getting married and/or having children lately. Girls I went to school with from mid-elementary school through high school are throwing bridal and baby showers, and it freaks me out a little. Yes, yes, I know what you may be thinking: Tara, weren't you going to get married? Yes, yes I was. And then I figured out that it was not a good idea. There are more male-female connections besides romance, and we figured out that we worked as friends, not as lovers. It was a great decision, and I will never look back on it with disappointment or disdain. I have a wonderful friend whose closeness to me will never lose its light, and I've found my own path, refusing to redirect myself for someone else.
I don't mean to say that my friends are wrong in what they are doing. I wish them all nothing but happiness in this world and any other worlds that exist. Am I behind somehow? No. I am not even 22 years old and am about to move across the country to pursue my dreams. I am selfish, but I don't think that's a bad thing. I am not opposed to romantic exploration, but I find myself to be far too self-involved at this point in my life to really take care of another person's needs and desires--let alone a child. Perhaps parenthood is something you are born to do. Perhaps it's all about timing, and the time is just not right. For now, I simply have no drive for that kind of life-altering experience; plenty of changes are on my plate right now, and I don't know that I'm ready for anything else.
My wonderment is truly surrounding the diverging of paths. No way could any of us have anticipated in high school just where we would be four years later. I dearly miss those friends. I was invited to attend one of those friend's wedding a couple years ago, which I attended. I haven't seen us all together since then. Bummer. To each their own journey.
So many people are getting married and/or having children lately. Girls I went to school with from mid-elementary school through high school are throwing bridal and baby showers, and it freaks me out a little. Yes, yes, I know what you may be thinking: Tara, weren't you going to get married? Yes, yes I was. And then I figured out that it was not a good idea. There are more male-female connections besides romance, and we figured out that we worked as friends, not as lovers. It was a great decision, and I will never look back on it with disappointment or disdain. I have a wonderful friend whose closeness to me will never lose its light, and I've found my own path, refusing to redirect myself for someone else.
I don't mean to say that my friends are wrong in what they are doing. I wish them all nothing but happiness in this world and any other worlds that exist. Am I behind somehow? No. I am not even 22 years old and am about to move across the country to pursue my dreams. I am selfish, but I don't think that's a bad thing. I am not opposed to romantic exploration, but I find myself to be far too self-involved at this point in my life to really take care of another person's needs and desires--let alone a child. Perhaps parenthood is something you are born to do. Perhaps it's all about timing, and the time is just not right. For now, I simply have no drive for that kind of life-altering experience; plenty of changes are on my plate right now, and I don't know that I'm ready for anything else.
My wonderment is truly surrounding the diverging of paths. No way could any of us have anticipated in high school just where we would be four years later. I dearly miss those friends. I was invited to attend one of those friend's wedding a couple years ago, which I attended. I haven't seen us all together since then. Bummer. To each their own journey.