unfinished business
While I don't feel I have any real enemies, I do have a few people I've met in my life that I've parted ways with and wish I could have had one last conversation before we did.
Whenever I fight with anyone in my life, I perseverate on the entire interaction over and over and am eager to again talk with the person and resolve things. I'd like to think I've grown somewhat over the years. I now focus harder on examining my part in an argument; what did I say/do wrong? Where did I overlook the others feelings or point of view? Was I unreasonable? Did I react too quickly? Generally, I've come to find that both parties always have a hand in what went down.
What I can't understand, despite my maturity, is when other people can't have this same reflection. I can't understand people who just cut ties with you with no explanation. I can't understand people who continuously hurt me and walk away and don't seem to care at all about my feelings. I can't understand people who can say such hurtful things to me and not ever apologize for them.
I'd like to have one last conversation with a few of these peoples. Tell them how I feel and have them tell me how they feel. I think too often we assume how others feel and truth is maybe there's a reason things were left off the way they were, but I just want to know why. I can't stand not having an understanding and clear grasp on things.
There's a best friend who has slowly grown distant and never seems to want to discuss why. There's this boy who has hurt me so many times I've lost count and though he's admitted it, still continues to do it and i can't understand why. There's another boy who just can't seem to let me in and also is back and forth with his feelings but won't ever give me a clear picture of how he feels. There's this friend who I miss so dearly and though we recently were able to reconnect, still keeps his distance and I don't know why.
These people often cross my mind, I can't seem to let go no matter how much time passes. I just want answers and maybe I could move on, but until then I can only think of memories past and cry from my frustration.
Maybe it all comes down to vanity and maybe I just want to feel wanted. After all when someone ceases contact with you or just makes no effort to make a relationship better and allows it deteriorate it makes you feel like the relationship doesn't matter to them. This is what hurts the most, because the relationships I had with the people I mentioned previously, mattered a great deal to me.
Whenever I fight with anyone in my life, I perseverate on the entire interaction over and over and am eager to again talk with the person and resolve things. I'd like to think I've grown somewhat over the years. I now focus harder on examining my part in an argument; what did I say/do wrong? Where did I overlook the others feelings or point of view? Was I unreasonable? Did I react too quickly? Generally, I've come to find that both parties always have a hand in what went down.
What I can't understand, despite my maturity, is when other people can't have this same reflection. I can't understand people who just cut ties with you with no explanation. I can't understand people who continuously hurt me and walk away and don't seem to care at all about my feelings. I can't understand people who can say such hurtful things to me and not ever apologize for them.
I'd like to have one last conversation with a few of these peoples. Tell them how I feel and have them tell me how they feel. I think too often we assume how others feel and truth is maybe there's a reason things were left off the way they were, but I just want to know why. I can't stand not having an understanding and clear grasp on things.
There's a best friend who has slowly grown distant and never seems to want to discuss why. There's this boy who has hurt me so many times I've lost count and though he's admitted it, still continues to do it and i can't understand why. There's another boy who just can't seem to let me in and also is back and forth with his feelings but won't ever give me a clear picture of how he feels. There's this friend who I miss so dearly and though we recently were able to reconnect, still keeps his distance and I don't know why.
These people often cross my mind, I can't seem to let go no matter how much time passes. I just want answers and maybe I could move on, but until then I can only think of memories past and cry from my frustration.
Maybe it all comes down to vanity and maybe I just want to feel wanted. After all when someone ceases contact with you or just makes no effort to make a relationship better and allows it deteriorate it makes you feel like the relationship doesn't matter to them. This is what hurts the most, because the relationships I had with the people I mentioned previously, mattered a great deal to me.