Do the chicken dance, c'mon.
You know what I was just thinking?
Oh, I'm sorry, you do? Oh. Well in that case I don't need to write it down then, I'll just sit here not saying anything because you know what I was thinking.
Ha ha, wouldn't it be so funny if I did that. Like, if I pretended I thought you were all psychic and so I like started a revolt or something and just didn't write in my diary? and then nobody would come to it, and I wouldn't update, because I would still be sending all my thoughts out telepathically, and so it would just, like, get shut down?
Actually I don't like the sound of that. So maybe I will just write what I was thinking, and for those psychic people out there who are reading and you're sitting there thinking man, I know this already! You already told me with your mind waves! And then you get kind of angry, please don't send me a hate note or kill my pet chicken. I mean, maybe you could just stop hacking into my head for five seconds. I could be thinking something really bad that you are too young to listen to. Or wait! No! I could like come up with some invention or something, and you steal it!!! Because you got to my thoughts first! GET OUT OF MY HEAD, DAMMIT! Just read the entry like a normal person and stop trying to be first in line!
Look, I'll do a deal. If you really want access to my thoughts that badly, come over and stay with me for a while. No, really, it's fine. My dog will loan you his basket to sleep in, and I can cook for you. You like toast, right? And then whenever some thought comes into my head, I can just tell you, right there and then, so nobody else hears it first. (Except the FBI possibly, who have bugged my whole house and my phone lines. *looks around in paranoid suspicion* They just won't leave me alone, will they. I tell them I am going to stay in the country and not run any more, but they just won't let it go.) Anyway, so back to the thoughts thing. Well, anytime I get a thought in my head, you can have it. No, really. I'll even put some wrapping paper on it, if you'd like? And a bow? Yeah, sure, that's no problem at all. Can you pass me the gift tags? I'll just write a little message on it:
Dear you, this is one of Sara's thoughts, just for you, treat it with care, or eat it in a sandwich if you wish. Love and marshmallows, from Sara.
And then you can just have it, before anybody. So then you don't need to worry about hacking into my brain in order to get access. Ok? Are you out now? Good.
Speaking of hacking into heads and stuff, do you think hypnotiser people are for real? I mean, do you actually think somebody has the ability to make you dress up in a diaper, suck your thumb and call the next person you see 'Mommy'? Do you really think someone could make me hop around and flap my arms around like a frantic chicken? I mean, because I don't need someone to hypnotise me to do that. I already have a chicken, called Wendy, and she gets lonesome sometimes, so I kind of do my little chicken dance to make her feel like she's not alone. Sometimes the neighbors look over the garden fence and whisper things about me, and stuff. Sometimes they call my doctor again. But they won't hurt me. Oh no. Not when I still have Wendy. Me and Wendy and our chicken dance.
I'm thinking of putting a routine together, in fact. I figured maybe if I could get Wendy to understand the concept of music, and rhythm, then we could make up a little dance to a song of some kind? And we could like, perform it, for money? Would people pay for something like that? And I could give it a name. Like Sa and Wendy Dance For You! (at a very small price. Yes, we do accept cheques.)
So I guess I've got my future sorted. Although I did kind of want to be an astronaut. Seriously, just how much training is required to walk around on the moon for a bit and tell Houston how great everything is? I would be so great at doing that, by the way. And if we had *a problem*, too, I would be awesome, because I have practised saying it. You know. "Houston, uh... (awkward cough) we have a problem."
Seriously. Tom Hanks has nothing on me. I've practised it so much that sometimes I think I am Tom Hanks. And I kind of jump a little and go "Whoa! Tom, what are you doing here in my house?!" and then I look around and he's not there, because it was actually me, the whole time, and then I look in the mirror and just laugh and laugh. Kind of like a maniac. Except without the handcuffs and fluffy hair. That is how much I have practised the Houston thing. See, and they say I waste my time? Well they won't be saying that when I'm walking on Jupiter eating M & M's like nothing is out of the ordinary. No. Then they'll be saying "we should have worshipped her while we had the chance, because now she's like the most famous important astronaut of all time!" and I will roll my eyes and eat more M & M's. Because I need the energy for all the moonwalking and stuff I'll be doing.
Hey, I've just realised. Michael Jackson does the moonwalk. What is that about? Is he trying to tell us he wants to go into space? Because, I have to say, if he does want to, I don't see why we should stop him. I think he'd fit in with aliens real well. But just as long as he's not in MY space shuttle. Not on my ship. No indeed.
Hey, are you still reading my thoughts, you sneaky little people? No? Well, just in case you are, I'm going to stop thinking now. Hah. You won't be able to read my mind now, will you! So I am officially shutting down my brain for five minutes. Don't expect anything too intelligent from here on.
......
..............
.......................
................................
Told you.
Oh, I'm sorry, you do? Oh. Well in that case I don't need to write it down then, I'll just sit here not saying anything because you know what I was thinking.
Ha ha, wouldn't it be so funny if I did that. Like, if I pretended I thought you were all psychic and so I like started a revolt or something and just didn't write in my diary? and then nobody would come to it, and I wouldn't update, because I would still be sending all my thoughts out telepathically, and so it would just, like, get shut down?
Actually I don't like the sound of that. So maybe I will just write what I was thinking, and for those psychic people out there who are reading and you're sitting there thinking man, I know this already! You already told me with your mind waves! And then you get kind of angry, please don't send me a hate note or kill my pet chicken. I mean, maybe you could just stop hacking into my head for five seconds. I could be thinking something really bad that you are too young to listen to. Or wait! No! I could like come up with some invention or something, and you steal it!!! Because you got to my thoughts first! GET OUT OF MY HEAD, DAMMIT! Just read the entry like a normal person and stop trying to be first in line!
Look, I'll do a deal. If you really want access to my thoughts that badly, come over and stay with me for a while. No, really, it's fine. My dog will loan you his basket to sleep in, and I can cook for you. You like toast, right? And then whenever some thought comes into my head, I can just tell you, right there and then, so nobody else hears it first. (Except the FBI possibly, who have bugged my whole house and my phone lines. *looks around in paranoid suspicion* They just won't leave me alone, will they. I tell them I am going to stay in the country and not run any more, but they just won't let it go.) Anyway, so back to the thoughts thing. Well, anytime I get a thought in my head, you can have it. No, really. I'll even put some wrapping paper on it, if you'd like? And a bow? Yeah, sure, that's no problem at all. Can you pass me the gift tags? I'll just write a little message on it:
Dear you, this is one of Sara's thoughts, just for you, treat it with care, or eat it in a sandwich if you wish. Love and marshmallows, from Sara.
And then you can just have it, before anybody. So then you don't need to worry about hacking into my brain in order to get access. Ok? Are you out now? Good.
Speaking of hacking into heads and stuff, do you think hypnotiser people are for real? I mean, do you actually think somebody has the ability to make you dress up in a diaper, suck your thumb and call the next person you see 'Mommy'? Do you really think someone could make me hop around and flap my arms around like a frantic chicken? I mean, because I don't need someone to hypnotise me to do that. I already have a chicken, called Wendy, and she gets lonesome sometimes, so I kind of do my little chicken dance to make her feel like she's not alone. Sometimes the neighbors look over the garden fence and whisper things about me, and stuff. Sometimes they call my doctor again. But they won't hurt me. Oh no. Not when I still have Wendy. Me and Wendy and our chicken dance.
I'm thinking of putting a routine together, in fact. I figured maybe if I could get Wendy to understand the concept of music, and rhythm, then we could make up a little dance to a song of some kind? And we could like, perform it, for money? Would people pay for something like that? And I could give it a name. Like Sa and Wendy Dance For You! (at a very small price. Yes, we do accept cheques.)
So I guess I've got my future sorted. Although I did kind of want to be an astronaut. Seriously, just how much training is required to walk around on the moon for a bit and tell Houston how great everything is? I would be so great at doing that, by the way. And if we had *a problem*, too, I would be awesome, because I have practised saying it. You know. "Houston, uh... (awkward cough) we have a problem."
Seriously. Tom Hanks has nothing on me. I've practised it so much that sometimes I think I am Tom Hanks. And I kind of jump a little and go "Whoa! Tom, what are you doing here in my house?!" and then I look around and he's not there, because it was actually me, the whole time, and then I look in the mirror and just laugh and laugh. Kind of like a maniac. Except without the handcuffs and fluffy hair. That is how much I have practised the Houston thing. See, and they say I waste my time? Well they won't be saying that when I'm walking on Jupiter eating M & M's like nothing is out of the ordinary. No. Then they'll be saying "we should have worshipped her while we had the chance, because now she's like the most famous important astronaut of all time!" and I will roll my eyes and eat more M & M's. Because I need the energy for all the moonwalking and stuff I'll be doing.
Hey, I've just realised. Michael Jackson does the moonwalk. What is that about? Is he trying to tell us he wants to go into space? Because, I have to say, if he does want to, I don't see why we should stop him. I think he'd fit in with aliens real well. But just as long as he's not in MY space shuttle. Not on my ship. No indeed.
Hey, are you still reading my thoughts, you sneaky little people? No? Well, just in case you are, I'm going to stop thinking now. Hah. You won't be able to read my mind now, will you! So I am officially shutting down my brain for five minutes. Don't expect anything too intelligent from here on.
......
..............
.......................
................................
Told you.