[ video post + phone call to Zack, video post to Angeal, action post ]
Video post to Zack:
[ Kunsel can be seen setting the camera and then running out in front of it, waving enthusiastically to the intended audience. ]
Yo, Zacky! We've had a pretty shitty couple of days, haven't we? Well never fear, Kunsel's here! Sai might be the one who rescues me from Marbolos and you might be the guy who rescues me from, uh--
...everything else, but dammit, this I can do! Since we can't really hang out properly right now, I'm gonna send you a collection of Kunsel's best impressions, and since a whole lot of dead people are no longer dead, I can make fun of 'em to my heart's content without feeling guilty!
Lessee...
I'll start with--
Chocobo-head! As far as I know, he's never been dead, but I'll save that for later! Here, watch this!
[ Kunsel can be seen slicking his hair up haphazardly with a bit of water, making himself look far more like a drowned rat than Cloud, but hey, it's just for fun. ]
My name's-- Uh... Er-- Hold on a sec... S.. Squall? No, that's not right-- Lightnin'...? No, can't be that either. Dammit, it was something lame and weather-related. And... It's... Dammit, it's at the tip of my tongue! ...for some reason I'm thinking... Fluffy?
Oh!
That's right! Fluffy! Clouds! Cloud! Hell yeah! My name's Cloud-- ... Wait, wait, wait-- It's Cloud Strife! Yeah! My name's Cloud Strife, and I'm the damn cadet that no one ever liked because I never had the freaking decency to get helmet-hair.
Not once.
Half the squad was always sure I was gonna take off my helmet one day and long gold tresses were gonna cascade out. For serious. I prolly look really great in a dress too, just look at these long gorgeous lashes of mine. God, I'm so dreamy.
On the flip side, even on my best hair day I still look like I got my haircut from a blender, but I guess you can't have everything.
[ The camera beeps and Kunsel quickly jogs up to it. ]
Oops, almost out of recording time. I'll send you part two soon, okay? Peace, man!
[ The video cuts off. ]
Video post to Angeal:
[ This video begins much like the first, complete with stupid grin and enthusiastic wave. ]
Here's part two like I promised! Alright, here goes.
[ Kunsel reaches up and this time slicks his hair down, plastering it to his head before he clears his throat, sticks out his chest, and shifts himself so that he's standing rigidly straight and tall. ]
Hi, my name is Angeal Hewley. Some of you might know me as Angela, or if we're really--
[ Kunsel leans in and winks suggestively here before schooling his expression back to stern and no-nonsense. ]
--close, it's Angie... but I only do that on Tuesdays, Sunday nights, and when I've lost a bet.
I might look like a big, tough man but under all this fearsome SOLDIER exterior is nothin' more than a fluffy chocobo hen. I like taking cute puppies under my wing, and deep down, all I want is to be loved. Cuddles are nice too.
I'm here today because I need help. There, I admitted it. I'm man enough to admit that I have problems, and that I need help. Admitting a problem, they say, is the first step towards healing. I need that, I need it desperately.
You see, I have a problem I've been living with for years. I'm deeply ashamed. It's hard for me to talk about, but I know I have to. There are people depending on me to get better.
The truth is, for so long now... My sideburns. They're slowly taking over my face.
Soon all anyone will be able to see when they look at me is the contrast between my massive sideburns and my pencil-thin eyebrows. My loved ones simply can't bear to see me do this to myself anymore.
I need help.
Please. I've tried everything. There has to be someone out there who can save me.
[ At this point the phone beeps again, and Kunsel loses to his urge to burst into laughter and does so, wiping tears from his eyes. God, he's been saving that one for years. ]
Alright, I'll try to think up a part three so wait for it!
[ The video cuts off. ]
Phone call to Zack:
[ Kunsel calls Zack in a panic after he realizes he went down one too far on his contacts list sending that last video, sending it to Angeal instead of Zack. When Zack first picks up, watery sniffing can be heard. ]