(no subject)
i've had SO much on my mind the past few days.
as much as i try not to complain
i really need to vent.
austin was really tired, & i didn't wanna keep him up
so i guess this thing will have to do.
i miss having friends.
no, i mean REAL friends.
i have like.. one.
i don't even have to mention a name.
i hate the way people just pop in & out of my life
when it's convenient for them.
i feel like the only time people wanna hang out with me or talk to me
is when they're pissed at someone
or fighting with someone
or can't find someone else to talk to/hang out with.
i miss being friends with rachel.
but she hates me.
why? I DON'T KNOW!
why do i miss her?
how can i miss someone
who turned everyone against me
and told SO many lies about me?
who devoted an entire lunch period
to talking SO much crap about me
when i was sitting a foot away from her?
how can i miss someone who would blatanly
talk about how much she wanted to "kill her!!"
and "punch her in the face!!"
while i was in the same freakin ROOM!
or bring up things about my dad
that i never told ANYONE before
and say that was "no excuse to abandon other people"
and she hates ME?
i tried to fix it
or atleast figure it all out
but it didn't work.
and the person that i was best friends with
is definitely not the same person now
so i don't even know if the person i was friends with
is who she really is/was.
i guess i shouldn't even worry about it
it's not like we'll ever be friends again.
but that's life, i guess.
even justin won't answer when i call.
and he definitely doesn't call me.
it's amazing to me how easily friendships can just be forgotten.
i think the reason this has been bothering me is that i was trying to make plans for my birthday. i wanna go to the beach that morning, and i was thinking of who i should invite. i had asked katelyn to come with me, but then i realized she'll be in school all day. so i was thinking of who else would go.
and... i'm drawing a blank.
but i'm gonna do something about this. i know i deserve to be happy. and i know i deserve to have real friends. it'll all work out. i'll fix it.
as much as i try not to complain
i really need to vent.
austin was really tired, & i didn't wanna keep him up
so i guess this thing will have to do.
i miss having friends.
no, i mean REAL friends.
i have like.. one.
i don't even have to mention a name.
i hate the way people just pop in & out of my life
when it's convenient for them.
i feel like the only time people wanna hang out with me or talk to me
is when they're pissed at someone
or fighting with someone
or can't find someone else to talk to/hang out with.
i miss being friends with rachel.
but she hates me.
why? I DON'T KNOW!
why do i miss her?
how can i miss someone
who turned everyone against me
and told SO many lies about me?
who devoted an entire lunch period
to talking SO much crap about me
when i was sitting a foot away from her?
how can i miss someone who would blatanly
talk about how much she wanted to "kill her!!"
and "punch her in the face!!"
while i was in the same freakin ROOM!
or bring up things about my dad
that i never told ANYONE before
and say that was "no excuse to abandon other people"
and she hates ME?
i tried to fix it
or atleast figure it all out
but it didn't work.
and the person that i was best friends with
is definitely not the same person now
so i don't even know if the person i was friends with
is who she really is/was.
i guess i shouldn't even worry about it
it's not like we'll ever be friends again.
but that's life, i guess.
even justin won't answer when i call.
and he definitely doesn't call me.
it's amazing to me how easily friendships can just be forgotten.
i think the reason this has been bothering me is that i was trying to make plans for my birthday. i wanna go to the beach that morning, and i was thinking of who i should invite. i had asked katelyn to come with me, but then i realized she'll be in school all day. so i was thinking of who else would go.
and... i'm drawing a blank.
but i'm gonna do something about this. i know i deserve to be happy. and i know i deserve to have real friends. it'll all work out. i'll fix it.