hey moon, please forget to fall down
title: hey moon, please forget to fall down
pairing: chansoo
rating: nc-17
genre: romance, flulff, very lil angst
length: ~3.7k
warnings: drinking, party mention, sex
summary: kyungsoo knows how to keep everything at arm's length. if only he could figure out how to do it with chanyeol.
a/n: i love this story bc it's very unlike anything i've written before. thank u to sarah and erica for reading it before it was done. thank u to rominan, kaylee, and mimi for the idea! enjoy!
☾
May 12 8:09pm
The party wasn't otherworldly. There weren't any fireworks or fancy drinks. It was as simple as five boxes of wine and iHome speakers blasting music Kyungsoo couldn't hear over the voices of other people and the own thoughts in his head.
He was sitting in the kitchen sipping on vodka and sprite when Jongin walked over, beaming and glowing a little more than usual. He had a boy stumbling behind him, which wasn't too uncommon, to be honest. The boy towered over everyone else in the room and was laughing shyly, seemingly trying to stick his head into his body like a turtle, when Jongin pushed him into Kyungsoo's personal space.
When he smiled it looked as if he had too many teeth in his mouth. Kyungsoo wondered how they could all fit in there and then thought maybe he shouldn't think about this pretty boy’s mouth.
"I'm Chanyeol," his voice was low and soft. Kyungsoo figures he probably wouldn't have heard if he hadn't been staring at his mouth, which he shouldn't have been.
"I'm Kyungsoo."
He wasn't sure why but he felt an overwhelming need to run towards and away from Chanyeol. Instead he downed the rest of his drink and began pouring himself another one. Chanyeol stood next to him and watched quietly. Without asking, Kyungsoo poured him a drink and pushed it over.
"Do you want to dance?" Chanyeol asked cheerily.
"Not really," Kyungsoo responded, noticing Jongin was no longer near them and spotting him on the dance floor, wrapped around a pretty blonde boy with a long face.
"I'm a bad dancer anyway," Chanyeol took a long drink that made Kyungsoo cringe. "Do you wanna just sit outside instead?"
Kyungsoo thought that it was pretty stuffy, and Chanyeol's eyes were really big and for once Kyungsoo didn't feel so out of place.
He followed him to the front porch, taking with him what was left of the vodka.
The party wasn't otherworldly; he spent the rest of it with Chanyeol at his left, the horizon and it's dull flickering stars playing a melody in the sky, until the sunrise told them to go to sleep.
☾
May 28 1:48pm
Two weeks later Kyungsoo is licking drops off of a popsicle, feet barely touching the ground on a bench in a park.
Summer has already rolled in, bringing with it warm, sun-kissed skin and days that felt as long as weeks but as short as minutes. Kyungsoo still hasn’t done anything, has barely thought about much, spending days sprawled on the benches in the sun or playing video games with Chanyeol.
The boy is next to him now, sticky juice from his own popsicle turning his hands red. He’s laughing at what seems to be a joke inside his own head and when he grins at the sky, Kyungsoo feels like his smile could blind him.
He notices a tiny smudge of red sugar next to Chanyeol’s lip and instinctively licks his finger and reaches over, sliding his thumb over his lips and rubbing at the smudge. He notices Chanyeol has tensed, and his eyes are so wide he can see himself in them. For a moment he just looks at him, deciding for a second to get lost in chocolate, but he snaps out of that soon enough. His finger pushes into Chanyeol’s face, rough but playful.
“You looked like a dirty child,” Kyungsoo mutters, biting the top of his popsicle.
Chanyeol recovers quickly, smiling toothfully and continuing to make a mess with his popsicle.
☾
June 3rd 2:33pm
They’re sitting on his bed with the fan turning lazily above their heads and their legs dangling over the edge. Chanyeol’s touch the ground easily, while Kyungsoo’s barely kiss the floor. He turns to look at Chanyeol, examining his face. His nose is tiny and round, just like his mouth. He thinks his ears maybe look a little stupid, but maybe that’s one of his favorite things about Park Chanyeol. Looking at the red in Chanyeol’s cheeks grow from the heat makes Kyungsoo’s heart jolt with pain and something else until it reaches the tips of his fingers.
“You know,” he starts, boring his eyes into the side of Chanyeol’s face. “Sometimes things really hurt.”
Kyungsoo wonders if Chanyeol could ever even understand. If he doesn’t understand he definitely hears because he turns to face Kyungsoo and there is some kind of truth in his eyes.
“Yeah. They do,” he half croaks.
Kyungsoo doesn’t respond, wouldn’t really know how to if he could find his voice. He’s not sure if Chanyeol understands the way his heart stretches painfully when they’re alone, but at least he had the courage to speak.
“Where does it hurt?” Chanyeol asks, furrowing his eyebrows in concern.
Kyungsoo points to his own chest, breaking his eye contact with Chanyeol to look down at his finger.
Chanyeol kisses the tip of his fingers and brings them to Kyungsoo’s chest, rubbing slowly and smiling.
“Better?”
Kyungsoo just stares, blinking at Chanyeol and holding his breath.
“Does it hurt somewhere else?”
Kyungsoo closes his eyes tightly and points at his lips. He’s not exactly lying. His lips do hurt, as a matter of fact they ache, but that might not be what Chanyeol is asking. He hears Chanyeol kiss the tips of his fingers and then feels a soft, warm pressure on his lips. He opens his eyes and Chanyeol’s fingers are on him and he realizes he reached out to grab Chanyeol’s shirt. He’s not sure how long he’s been holding his breath but when he sees Chanyeol’s pupils are almost as wide as his irises he doesn’t care.
“Better?”
Kyungsoo leans forward, allowing his eyes to start to close as he shakes his head. Chanyeol’s hand cups his cheek and Kyungsoo’s heart feels like it’s going to burst out of his chest and his stomach feels like when you ride a roller coaster.
He feels Chanyeol’s lips touch his and gets dizzy. They’re just a little chapped, probably from the heat, but they’re warm against his own. Kyungsoo kisses him back softly, letting his body melt into the mattress below him.
Too soon, Chanyeol is pulling back, sliding his hand off of Kyungsoo’s cheek and leaving a sense of coolness behind.
Chanyeol is breathing a little fast and his cheeks are more flushed than they were minutes ago. Kyungsoo thinks about kissing him again.
“Better?”
This time, Kyungsoo nods his head.
☾
June 21 11:46pm
He’s not sure if this is how summer is supposed to feel; like he’s sucking honey and lemonade out of the mouth of a boy who’s smile is way too big, but it’s definitely how it feels to him.
He likes drawing maps of the places he wants to go on Chanyeol’s chest.
During the day he keeps his distance, trying to kiss him with his eyes while he waits. It’s not that he’s afraid that people will know, but he’s afraid that would make it real. Instead he waits until the sky turns black to whisper prayers into Chanyeol’s lips.
“My moon,” Chanyeol says one day when they have the sheets pulled over their heads, talking with their lips grazing.
“Hm?”
Chanyeol just smiles his smile.
“You’re my moon,” he says, voice low enough to make Kyungsoo wonder if maybe he didn’t want to be heard. “You only come out at night but you shine almost as bright as the sun.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to say and he feels like he can’t breathe. He wonders what love feels like and gets upset, so he just closes the distance between their lips.
☾
July 17th 11:53pm
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Chanyeol says between kisses.
Kyungsoo puts his forehead against Chanyeol’s and the side of his lip twitches upward, Kyungsoo’s version of a smile.
“I’ll stop you if I want to,” he reassures. “And you do the same.”
Chanyeol swallows nervously and smiles wide, bringing his lips down on top of Kyungsoo’s again.
The kisses are long and deep and there are moments that Kyungsoo wonders if maybe Chanyeol is trying to breathe his soul out of him. Chanyeol hesitantly flicks his tongue across Kyungsoo’s swollen lips and he opens his mouth in approval.
Chanyeol’s tongue is always soft but strong, sloppy and hesitant when he’s nervous, like right now. One hand dips in the mattress by Kyungsoo’s face, while the other is tracing shaky circles on the side of Kyungsoo’s stomach. Lips still pressed firmly together, Kyungsoo sits up slowly.
“Chanyeol,” he starts, raising his hand to the other boy’s flushing face and stroking his cheek. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
At his, Chanyeol relaxes visibly. He smiles only a little bit, still revealing teeth that just can’t seem to hide, and nods. Kyungsoo seizes the opportunity to place one hand on Chanyeol’s chest and push him down, facing down at him. He smiles triumphantly.
Chanyeol laughs and pulls him down by the shirt, continuing their kiss. It doesn’t take long to fall into the familiar rhythm, Kyungsoo finding his way around Chanyeol’s body. He reaches his hand under Chanyeol’s oversized shirt, feeling the skin hot against his cold hands. Chanyeol hissed at the contact. Kyungsoo traces the middle of his stomach, feeling thin patches of hair there, dipping at his belly button, until he reaches hem of his pants. He slides his finger to the side, drawing lazy circles on Chanyeol’s protruding hip bone.
Chanyeol arches his back slightly and lets out something like a whimper. The sound sends an electric sensation through his body, settling in the pit of his stomach. Cautiously, he lowers his head to kiss the same spot. A small moan comes from above him and he can see Chanyeol tangling his fists in the sheets. In that moment, Kyungsoo decides he wants this. More than he knew and more than he wants to think about.
He follows a line of slow, full kisses up Chanyeol’s chest, pulling his shirt up with them. He breathes over his nipple, earning a gasp and a sigh. Kyungsoo lightly licks the expanse of Chanyeol’s collarbone, then moves to his neck, where he lets his tongue explore salty, soft skin.
He moves farther up and catches Chanyeol’s mouth in his, snaking his hand around to the base of Chanyeol’s neck. He feels warmth spreading from everywhere inside him as he tilts his head back to allow a desperate and clumsy Chanyeol to leave sloppy kisses down the expanse of it. He runs his hands through Chanyeol’s hair, letting a moan escape him when Chanyeol decides to nip at the sensitive skin. Half instinctively and half on purpose, Kyungsoo moves his hips downward to rub against Chanyeol’s, making the boy arch up and stop kissing his neck in favor of reciprocating the motion.
Kyungsoo takes this moment to look down at Chanyeol, whose eyes were dark and glassy.
“I want to do this.”
“Me too.”
Chanyeol opens his mouth like he might say something, but thinks better of it and resumes their kissing, for the third time, hungrier than before.
Kyungsoo slides a hand down Chanyeol’s body, fidgeting with the button helplessly. He groans angrily into Chanyeol’s mouth and feels two larger hands near his, undoing the button of his jeans. Chanyeol lifts his hips to take off his pants, rubbing against Kyungsoo haphazardly, drawing another moan, this one affected by the fact that by now Kyungsoo is hard beneath his pants, sensitive and aching.
“Kyungsoo…” Chanyeol whispers against his lips, sliding a finger across the tight part of Kyungsoo’s pants.
He lifts his hips again, this time staring at Kyungsoo as he closes his eyes and moans, pleasure betraying his careful cool. He quickly does away with Kyungsoo’s pants and shirt, kissing away at the expanse of skin. Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows, pink botton lip jutting out.
“Take your shirt off too.”
Chanyeol sticks his tongue out and then elbows Kyungsoo in the process of removing his shirt.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” he says, both arms trapped in his shirt. He tries to pull them out, yanking hard enough that he elbows Kyungsoo again, earning him an angry “Chanyeol!” and two hands helping him pull off his shirt.
When it finally comes off, Chanyeol is blushing a bright red and Kyungsoo is trying his best not to laugh at him. Kyungsoo grinds against him, reminding them both of the pressure building in their pants, and wiping the embarrassment from Chanyeol’s features.
“Do you have-- Um, well…” Kyungsoo starts, but he’s never really said this outloud. He’s not quite sure how it goes. It’s not that he hasn’t thought about it, but usually his fantasies are not as practical as, well, reality.
When Kyungsoo is pulled from his thoughts, Chanyeol is pulling a condom and what Kyungsoo assumes is lube out of his discarded pants.
Chanyeol is spreading the lube on his fingers when he starts looking nervous.
“I want it to be good for you,” Chanyeol mutters, eyes darting around, unable to find a place to settle where there isn’t exposed skin. Kyungsoo grabs his chin gently, forcing their eyes to meet.
“It will be.” He doesn’t add that he knows this because it’s Chanyeol, who sometimes kisses like an overexcited dog but somehow still manages to ignite every nerve on Kyungsoo’s body.
Chanyeol cautiously slides a finger into Kyungsoo, watching his face for any sign of pain. It feels strange, Kyungsoo decides, but not bad. Chanyeol’s attentive and careful, kisses his eyes and his cheeks and sometimes his mouth, as he works into him with two and then three fingers. Soon the pain turns to white-hot pleasure and a moan escapes from Kyungsoo’s lips. Chanyeol’s eyes widen and his pupils dilate as he watches Kyungsoo arch his back off the bed. He speeds up, hitting his fingers against Kyungsoo with just a bit more force but still careful as ever. Kyungsoo decides, as he bites on his lip and fists his hands in the sheets, that he loves this.
He grabs Chanyeol’s neck and pulls him in for a kiss, moving to match the rhythm of Chanyeol’s fingers.
“Does it feel good?” Chanyeol asks, looking at Kyungsoo inquisitively. He looks concerned, like all he wants is to make Kyungsoo feel good and three words tickle Kyungsoo’s tongue, three words that make him shake with fear.
“I want you,” he says instead, kissing wet spots onto Chanyeol’s neck. He feels him shudder underneath his lips and then pulls out of him, getting on his knees to slip on the condom.
Chanyeol is over him, cupping Kyungsoo’s face with his hand, stroking his cheek softly. Kyungsoo thinks he looks more lost than usual, so he whimpers and lifts his hips. Chanyeol snaps out of it and smiles, kissing him as he guides himself to his entrance.
It hurts at first, a sort of good pain, as Chanyeol slides in slowly. He doesn’t take his eyes off of Kyungsoo, gauging his every reaction.
“Is this okay?” He’s sliding in and out of Kyungsoo leisurely and although it feels great, it’s not nearly enough.
“It feels so good,” he wraps his legs around Chanyeol’s waist, giving him more room. “You can go faster, I’m not made of glass.” Chanyeol laughs at this and moves faster, kissing Kyungsoo’s moans out of his mouth.
As their rhythm gets faster and more erratic, Chanyeol’s breathy moans turn into words. “My moon,” he’s whispering in Kyungsoo’s lips. “My moon, my beautiful moon, don’t go.” He feels the words in his veins, they travel and build up until they spill out of him, throwing him over the edge. He comes breathing Chanyeol’s words like oxygen. He clenches around Chanyeol, who goes faster, elongating Kyungsoo’s orgasm. He follows after, now mumbling unintelligibly. As he pulls out he kisses Kyungsoo and it feels like fire.
Once they clean up they collapse on the bed, worn and exhausted. He’s watching Chanyeol scrunch his nose and rub his eyes when he thinks he could do this again for a long time. Chanyeol opens his eyes and looks at him before scooting closer and putting his foot between Kyungsoo’s ankles. He kisses him and tries to sleep.
But he can’t, because all he can think of is Chanyeol whispering to him that he’s his moon. He’s half asleep when he hears Chanyeol stir and feels his breath hot against Kyungsoo’s cheek.
The words are low enough that Kyungsoo might be able to convince himself it wasn’t real. They’re a secret, meant to be heard by the stars but maybe never by the moon.
“I love you.”
All his nerves turn to ice and, still pretending to sleep, he moves away and curls in on himself.
☾
July 25th 7:29pm
He’s sitting in his living room scrolling through his phone, periodically ignoring texts from Chanyeol, with Junmyeon next to him on his laptop. The air between them is tense, mostly because Kyungsoo refuses every question regarding Chanyeol, opting instead for comments on the weather.
He feels eyes burning into the side of his face and turns to see Junmyeon looking at him with his signature disappointed face, the one that makes everyone feel like Junmyeon really is the mom of their group.
Kyungsoo looks back at his phone, feeling heat on his face. “What?”
“You’re an idiot,” Junmyeon says matter-of-factly. “You always do this. You always push away what’s good because you’re so damn afraid, you’re always so afraid. For once I just wish you would--”
“Stop,” Kyungsoo whispers, looking at him with glossy eyes.
Junmyeon doesn’t speak and even pretends not to see Kyungsoo wiping at his eyes.
☾
July 27th 2:54pm
Kyungsoo has avoided Chanyeol since they slept together, which he knows is cruel and probably a bad idea.
He’s miserable, and he knows it’s his fault. Facing what Chanyeol said and how he felt about it was not something he was going to do. Admit that his way of coping was unhealthy was even less feasible.
Truth is, Junmyeon was right. He’s afraid. He’s afraid of himself and mostly of Chanyeol. He’s afraid of the way Chanyeol’s fingers wrap around his and squeeze when no one is looking and he’s afraid of the way his lips always taste kind of like chapstick. He’s afraid of how he’s started to want to kiss Chanyeol in the daylight and hold his hand at the mall and--
The doorbell interrupts his stream of consciousness.
He doesn’t really remember ordering take out today but to be honest the last few days have been such a blur that he wouldn’t be surprised if he did.
When he opens the door all he gets is a faceful of red-rimmed eyes and splotchy skin in the form of Chanyeol. Kyungsoo wasn’t really expecting this, since Chanyeol stopped trying to text him after Junmyeon had come over (which he was sure was not a coincidence).
They stare at each other for a while and Chanyeol starts to look a bit panicked, looking around helplessly and biting the inside of his cheek.
“Do you… wanna come… in?” Kyungsoo says feebly. Chanyeol just nods and they make their way to the couch where they sit with an uncomfortable distance between them.
“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol starts, looking down at his hands on his lap, “I don’t know how I fucked up this time but I’m sorry.” He finally looks up at Kyungsoo and he can see every bit of the last ten days in his eyes. His stomach sinks painfully.
“Yeol…” Is really all Kyungsoo can say. He knows he owes Chanyeol something, anything, to explain what he has been doing but he can’t bring himself to even look at the boy for longer than a few seconds.
Instead, he moves his hand over and places it softly on Chanyeol’s, who then looks up at him with eyes so wide for a second Kyungsoo is afraid they’re going to fall right out of their sockets.
“I’m not-- uh, shit-- I’m not really, like. Good at this,” he says, gesturing the space between them. Chanyeol swallows thickly and Kyungsoo stares at his Adam’s apple as it bobs. He wants to kiss him, maybe. He’s hoping Chanyeol will say something to end the silence, but he knows he’s waiting for Kyungsoo to say more. Kyungsoo gets the same feeling he did right before going onstage in his first talent show in middle school. “I’m really good at keeping people at arm’s length, especially people that I-- well.”
I’m making it real, he thinks.
“I, uh, like. You.” He turns away from Chanyeol when he says it. Just because he’s making it real doesn’t mean he’s that brave.
“I know,” Chanyeol says simply.
Kyungsoo turns back to him with his eyebrows furrowed. “How?”
Chanyeol shrugs. “We spend a lot of time together, ‘Soo. Believe it or not, I kind of do know you.”
Kyungsoo flushes thinking of all the time him and Chanyeol have spent talking to dark ceiling until the sun peeked through the blinds. He figures they might be something like best friends. Maybe more.
When he looks at Chanyeol again, he’s close enough that their noses are almost touching. It makes his heart flutter and he breathes in the smell of Chanyeol. Maybe one day he’ll tell him how much he missed him, how empty and exhausting the days were without his laughter to quiet his thoughts.
He can’t tell him today, though, so like he’s learnt to do and Chanyeol has learned to understand, he leans in and kisses him instead.
☾
August 2 12:55pm
It’s too hot and Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are eating ice cream by the town center. They’re contemplating exactly how fast a popsicle would melt if it was inside an inappropriate orifice when Kyungsoo reaches over, lacing his fingers with Chanyeol’s. Chanyeol stops talking in the middle of explaining the exact potential temperature of said orifice to look down at their hands.
Kyungsoo glares at him. “Don’t make a big deal out of it.”
Chanyeol looks smug, walking with a little more pep than before.
“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo grumbles.
“Hmm?”
“It’s nothing.”
Chanyeol just beams, “Okay.”
pairing: chansoo
rating: nc-17
genre: romance, flulff, very lil angst
length: ~3.7k
warnings: drinking, party mention, sex
summary: kyungsoo knows how to keep everything at arm's length. if only he could figure out how to do it with chanyeol.
a/n: i love this story bc it's very unlike anything i've written before. thank u to sarah and erica for reading it before it was done. thank u to rominan, kaylee, and mimi for the idea! enjoy!
☾
May 12 8:09pm
The party wasn't otherworldly. There weren't any fireworks or fancy drinks. It was as simple as five boxes of wine and iHome speakers blasting music Kyungsoo couldn't hear over the voices of other people and the own thoughts in his head.
He was sitting in the kitchen sipping on vodka and sprite when Jongin walked over, beaming and glowing a little more than usual. He had a boy stumbling behind him, which wasn't too uncommon, to be honest. The boy towered over everyone else in the room and was laughing shyly, seemingly trying to stick his head into his body like a turtle, when Jongin pushed him into Kyungsoo's personal space.
When he smiled it looked as if he had too many teeth in his mouth. Kyungsoo wondered how they could all fit in there and then thought maybe he shouldn't think about this pretty boy’s mouth.
"I'm Chanyeol," his voice was low and soft. Kyungsoo figures he probably wouldn't have heard if he hadn't been staring at his mouth, which he shouldn't have been.
"I'm Kyungsoo."
He wasn't sure why but he felt an overwhelming need to run towards and away from Chanyeol. Instead he downed the rest of his drink and began pouring himself another one. Chanyeol stood next to him and watched quietly. Without asking, Kyungsoo poured him a drink and pushed it over.
"Do you want to dance?" Chanyeol asked cheerily.
"Not really," Kyungsoo responded, noticing Jongin was no longer near them and spotting him on the dance floor, wrapped around a pretty blonde boy with a long face.
"I'm a bad dancer anyway," Chanyeol took a long drink that made Kyungsoo cringe. "Do you wanna just sit outside instead?"
Kyungsoo thought that it was pretty stuffy, and Chanyeol's eyes were really big and for once Kyungsoo didn't feel so out of place.
He followed him to the front porch, taking with him what was left of the vodka.
The party wasn't otherworldly; he spent the rest of it with Chanyeol at his left, the horizon and it's dull flickering stars playing a melody in the sky, until the sunrise told them to go to sleep.
☾
May 28 1:48pm
Two weeks later Kyungsoo is licking drops off of a popsicle, feet barely touching the ground on a bench in a park.
Summer has already rolled in, bringing with it warm, sun-kissed skin and days that felt as long as weeks but as short as minutes. Kyungsoo still hasn’t done anything, has barely thought about much, spending days sprawled on the benches in the sun or playing video games with Chanyeol.
The boy is next to him now, sticky juice from his own popsicle turning his hands red. He’s laughing at what seems to be a joke inside his own head and when he grins at the sky, Kyungsoo feels like his smile could blind him.
He notices a tiny smudge of red sugar next to Chanyeol’s lip and instinctively licks his finger and reaches over, sliding his thumb over his lips and rubbing at the smudge. He notices Chanyeol has tensed, and his eyes are so wide he can see himself in them. For a moment he just looks at him, deciding for a second to get lost in chocolate, but he snaps out of that soon enough. His finger pushes into Chanyeol’s face, rough but playful.
“You looked like a dirty child,” Kyungsoo mutters, biting the top of his popsicle.
Chanyeol recovers quickly, smiling toothfully and continuing to make a mess with his popsicle.
☾
June 3rd 2:33pm
They’re sitting on his bed with the fan turning lazily above their heads and their legs dangling over the edge. Chanyeol’s touch the ground easily, while Kyungsoo’s barely kiss the floor. He turns to look at Chanyeol, examining his face. His nose is tiny and round, just like his mouth. He thinks his ears maybe look a little stupid, but maybe that’s one of his favorite things about Park Chanyeol. Looking at the red in Chanyeol’s cheeks grow from the heat makes Kyungsoo’s heart jolt with pain and something else until it reaches the tips of his fingers.
“You know,” he starts, boring his eyes into the side of Chanyeol’s face. “Sometimes things really hurt.”
Kyungsoo wonders if Chanyeol could ever even understand. If he doesn’t understand he definitely hears because he turns to face Kyungsoo and there is some kind of truth in his eyes.
“Yeah. They do,” he half croaks.
Kyungsoo doesn’t respond, wouldn’t really know how to if he could find his voice. He’s not sure if Chanyeol understands the way his heart stretches painfully when they’re alone, but at least he had the courage to speak.
“Where does it hurt?” Chanyeol asks, furrowing his eyebrows in concern.
Kyungsoo points to his own chest, breaking his eye contact with Chanyeol to look down at his finger.
Chanyeol kisses the tip of his fingers and brings them to Kyungsoo’s chest, rubbing slowly and smiling.
“Better?”
Kyungsoo just stares, blinking at Chanyeol and holding his breath.
“Does it hurt somewhere else?”
Kyungsoo closes his eyes tightly and points at his lips. He’s not exactly lying. His lips do hurt, as a matter of fact they ache, but that might not be what Chanyeol is asking. He hears Chanyeol kiss the tips of his fingers and then feels a soft, warm pressure on his lips. He opens his eyes and Chanyeol’s fingers are on him and he realizes he reached out to grab Chanyeol’s shirt. He’s not sure how long he’s been holding his breath but when he sees Chanyeol’s pupils are almost as wide as his irises he doesn’t care.
“Better?”
Kyungsoo leans forward, allowing his eyes to start to close as he shakes his head. Chanyeol’s hand cups his cheek and Kyungsoo’s heart feels like it’s going to burst out of his chest and his stomach feels like when you ride a roller coaster.
He feels Chanyeol’s lips touch his and gets dizzy. They’re just a little chapped, probably from the heat, but they’re warm against his own. Kyungsoo kisses him back softly, letting his body melt into the mattress below him.
Too soon, Chanyeol is pulling back, sliding his hand off of Kyungsoo’s cheek and leaving a sense of coolness behind.
Chanyeol is breathing a little fast and his cheeks are more flushed than they were minutes ago. Kyungsoo thinks about kissing him again.
“Better?”
This time, Kyungsoo nods his head.
☾
June 21 11:46pm
He’s not sure if this is how summer is supposed to feel; like he’s sucking honey and lemonade out of the mouth of a boy who’s smile is way too big, but it’s definitely how it feels to him.
He likes drawing maps of the places he wants to go on Chanyeol’s chest.
During the day he keeps his distance, trying to kiss him with his eyes while he waits. It’s not that he’s afraid that people will know, but he’s afraid that would make it real. Instead he waits until the sky turns black to whisper prayers into Chanyeol’s lips.
“My moon,” Chanyeol says one day when they have the sheets pulled over their heads, talking with their lips grazing.
“Hm?”
Chanyeol just smiles his smile.
“You’re my moon,” he says, voice low enough to make Kyungsoo wonder if maybe he didn’t want to be heard. “You only come out at night but you shine almost as bright as the sun.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to say and he feels like he can’t breathe. He wonders what love feels like and gets upset, so he just closes the distance between their lips.
☾
July 17th 11:53pm
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Chanyeol says between kisses.
Kyungsoo puts his forehead against Chanyeol’s and the side of his lip twitches upward, Kyungsoo’s version of a smile.
“I’ll stop you if I want to,” he reassures. “And you do the same.”
Chanyeol swallows nervously and smiles wide, bringing his lips down on top of Kyungsoo’s again.
The kisses are long and deep and there are moments that Kyungsoo wonders if maybe Chanyeol is trying to breathe his soul out of him. Chanyeol hesitantly flicks his tongue across Kyungsoo’s swollen lips and he opens his mouth in approval.
Chanyeol’s tongue is always soft but strong, sloppy and hesitant when he’s nervous, like right now. One hand dips in the mattress by Kyungsoo’s face, while the other is tracing shaky circles on the side of Kyungsoo’s stomach. Lips still pressed firmly together, Kyungsoo sits up slowly.
“Chanyeol,” he starts, raising his hand to the other boy’s flushing face and stroking his cheek. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
At his, Chanyeol relaxes visibly. He smiles only a little bit, still revealing teeth that just can’t seem to hide, and nods. Kyungsoo seizes the opportunity to place one hand on Chanyeol’s chest and push him down, facing down at him. He smiles triumphantly.
Chanyeol laughs and pulls him down by the shirt, continuing their kiss. It doesn’t take long to fall into the familiar rhythm, Kyungsoo finding his way around Chanyeol’s body. He reaches his hand under Chanyeol’s oversized shirt, feeling the skin hot against his cold hands. Chanyeol hissed at the contact. Kyungsoo traces the middle of his stomach, feeling thin patches of hair there, dipping at his belly button, until he reaches hem of his pants. He slides his finger to the side, drawing lazy circles on Chanyeol’s protruding hip bone.
Chanyeol arches his back slightly and lets out something like a whimper. The sound sends an electric sensation through his body, settling in the pit of his stomach. Cautiously, he lowers his head to kiss the same spot. A small moan comes from above him and he can see Chanyeol tangling his fists in the sheets. In that moment, Kyungsoo decides he wants this. More than he knew and more than he wants to think about.
He follows a line of slow, full kisses up Chanyeol’s chest, pulling his shirt up with them. He breathes over his nipple, earning a gasp and a sigh. Kyungsoo lightly licks the expanse of Chanyeol’s collarbone, then moves to his neck, where he lets his tongue explore salty, soft skin.
He moves farther up and catches Chanyeol’s mouth in his, snaking his hand around to the base of Chanyeol’s neck. He feels warmth spreading from everywhere inside him as he tilts his head back to allow a desperate and clumsy Chanyeol to leave sloppy kisses down the expanse of it. He runs his hands through Chanyeol’s hair, letting a moan escape him when Chanyeol decides to nip at the sensitive skin. Half instinctively and half on purpose, Kyungsoo moves his hips downward to rub against Chanyeol’s, making the boy arch up and stop kissing his neck in favor of reciprocating the motion.
Kyungsoo takes this moment to look down at Chanyeol, whose eyes were dark and glassy.
“I want to do this.”
“Me too.”
Chanyeol opens his mouth like he might say something, but thinks better of it and resumes their kissing, for the third time, hungrier than before.
Kyungsoo slides a hand down Chanyeol’s body, fidgeting with the button helplessly. He groans angrily into Chanyeol’s mouth and feels two larger hands near his, undoing the button of his jeans. Chanyeol lifts his hips to take off his pants, rubbing against Kyungsoo haphazardly, drawing another moan, this one affected by the fact that by now Kyungsoo is hard beneath his pants, sensitive and aching.
“Kyungsoo…” Chanyeol whispers against his lips, sliding a finger across the tight part of Kyungsoo’s pants.
He lifts his hips again, this time staring at Kyungsoo as he closes his eyes and moans, pleasure betraying his careful cool. He quickly does away with Kyungsoo’s pants and shirt, kissing away at the expanse of skin. Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows, pink botton lip jutting out.
“Take your shirt off too.”
Chanyeol sticks his tongue out and then elbows Kyungsoo in the process of removing his shirt.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” he says, both arms trapped in his shirt. He tries to pull them out, yanking hard enough that he elbows Kyungsoo again, earning him an angry “Chanyeol!” and two hands helping him pull off his shirt.
When it finally comes off, Chanyeol is blushing a bright red and Kyungsoo is trying his best not to laugh at him. Kyungsoo grinds against him, reminding them both of the pressure building in their pants, and wiping the embarrassment from Chanyeol’s features.
“Do you have-- Um, well…” Kyungsoo starts, but he’s never really said this outloud. He’s not quite sure how it goes. It’s not that he hasn’t thought about it, but usually his fantasies are not as practical as, well, reality.
When Kyungsoo is pulled from his thoughts, Chanyeol is pulling a condom and what Kyungsoo assumes is lube out of his discarded pants.
Chanyeol is spreading the lube on his fingers when he starts looking nervous.
“I want it to be good for you,” Chanyeol mutters, eyes darting around, unable to find a place to settle where there isn’t exposed skin. Kyungsoo grabs his chin gently, forcing their eyes to meet.
“It will be.” He doesn’t add that he knows this because it’s Chanyeol, who sometimes kisses like an overexcited dog but somehow still manages to ignite every nerve on Kyungsoo’s body.
Chanyeol cautiously slides a finger into Kyungsoo, watching his face for any sign of pain. It feels strange, Kyungsoo decides, but not bad. Chanyeol’s attentive and careful, kisses his eyes and his cheeks and sometimes his mouth, as he works into him with two and then three fingers. Soon the pain turns to white-hot pleasure and a moan escapes from Kyungsoo’s lips. Chanyeol’s eyes widen and his pupils dilate as he watches Kyungsoo arch his back off the bed. He speeds up, hitting his fingers against Kyungsoo with just a bit more force but still careful as ever. Kyungsoo decides, as he bites on his lip and fists his hands in the sheets, that he loves this.
He grabs Chanyeol’s neck and pulls him in for a kiss, moving to match the rhythm of Chanyeol’s fingers.
“Does it feel good?” Chanyeol asks, looking at Kyungsoo inquisitively. He looks concerned, like all he wants is to make Kyungsoo feel good and three words tickle Kyungsoo’s tongue, three words that make him shake with fear.
“I want you,” he says instead, kissing wet spots onto Chanyeol’s neck. He feels him shudder underneath his lips and then pulls out of him, getting on his knees to slip on the condom.
Chanyeol is over him, cupping Kyungsoo’s face with his hand, stroking his cheek softly. Kyungsoo thinks he looks more lost than usual, so he whimpers and lifts his hips. Chanyeol snaps out of it and smiles, kissing him as he guides himself to his entrance.
It hurts at first, a sort of good pain, as Chanyeol slides in slowly. He doesn’t take his eyes off of Kyungsoo, gauging his every reaction.
“Is this okay?” He’s sliding in and out of Kyungsoo leisurely and although it feels great, it’s not nearly enough.
“It feels so good,” he wraps his legs around Chanyeol’s waist, giving him more room. “You can go faster, I’m not made of glass.” Chanyeol laughs at this and moves faster, kissing Kyungsoo’s moans out of his mouth.
As their rhythm gets faster and more erratic, Chanyeol’s breathy moans turn into words. “My moon,” he’s whispering in Kyungsoo’s lips. “My moon, my beautiful moon, don’t go.” He feels the words in his veins, they travel and build up until they spill out of him, throwing him over the edge. He comes breathing Chanyeol’s words like oxygen. He clenches around Chanyeol, who goes faster, elongating Kyungsoo’s orgasm. He follows after, now mumbling unintelligibly. As he pulls out he kisses Kyungsoo and it feels like fire.
Once they clean up they collapse on the bed, worn and exhausted. He’s watching Chanyeol scrunch his nose and rub his eyes when he thinks he could do this again for a long time. Chanyeol opens his eyes and looks at him before scooting closer and putting his foot between Kyungsoo’s ankles. He kisses him and tries to sleep.
But he can’t, because all he can think of is Chanyeol whispering to him that he’s his moon. He’s half asleep when he hears Chanyeol stir and feels his breath hot against Kyungsoo’s cheek.
The words are low enough that Kyungsoo might be able to convince himself it wasn’t real. They’re a secret, meant to be heard by the stars but maybe never by the moon.
“I love you.”
All his nerves turn to ice and, still pretending to sleep, he moves away and curls in on himself.
☾
July 25th 7:29pm
He’s sitting in his living room scrolling through his phone, periodically ignoring texts from Chanyeol, with Junmyeon next to him on his laptop. The air between them is tense, mostly because Kyungsoo refuses every question regarding Chanyeol, opting instead for comments on the weather.
He feels eyes burning into the side of his face and turns to see Junmyeon looking at him with his signature disappointed face, the one that makes everyone feel like Junmyeon really is the mom of their group.
Kyungsoo looks back at his phone, feeling heat on his face. “What?”
“You’re an idiot,” Junmyeon says matter-of-factly. “You always do this. You always push away what’s good because you’re so damn afraid, you’re always so afraid. For once I just wish you would--”
“Stop,” Kyungsoo whispers, looking at him with glossy eyes.
Junmyeon doesn’t speak and even pretends not to see Kyungsoo wiping at his eyes.
☾
July 27th 2:54pm
Kyungsoo has avoided Chanyeol since they slept together, which he knows is cruel and probably a bad idea.
He’s miserable, and he knows it’s his fault. Facing what Chanyeol said and how he felt about it was not something he was going to do. Admit that his way of coping was unhealthy was even less feasible.
Truth is, Junmyeon was right. He’s afraid. He’s afraid of himself and mostly of Chanyeol. He’s afraid of the way Chanyeol’s fingers wrap around his and squeeze when no one is looking and he’s afraid of the way his lips always taste kind of like chapstick. He’s afraid of how he’s started to want to kiss Chanyeol in the daylight and hold his hand at the mall and--
The doorbell interrupts his stream of consciousness.
He doesn’t really remember ordering take out today but to be honest the last few days have been such a blur that he wouldn’t be surprised if he did.
When he opens the door all he gets is a faceful of red-rimmed eyes and splotchy skin in the form of Chanyeol. Kyungsoo wasn’t really expecting this, since Chanyeol stopped trying to text him after Junmyeon had come over (which he was sure was not a coincidence).
They stare at each other for a while and Chanyeol starts to look a bit panicked, looking around helplessly and biting the inside of his cheek.
“Do you… wanna come… in?” Kyungsoo says feebly. Chanyeol just nods and they make their way to the couch where they sit with an uncomfortable distance between them.
“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol starts, looking down at his hands on his lap, “I don’t know how I fucked up this time but I’m sorry.” He finally looks up at Kyungsoo and he can see every bit of the last ten days in his eyes. His stomach sinks painfully.
“Yeol…” Is really all Kyungsoo can say. He knows he owes Chanyeol something, anything, to explain what he has been doing but he can’t bring himself to even look at the boy for longer than a few seconds.
Instead, he moves his hand over and places it softly on Chanyeol’s, who then looks up at him with eyes so wide for a second Kyungsoo is afraid they’re going to fall right out of their sockets.
“I’m not-- uh, shit-- I’m not really, like. Good at this,” he says, gesturing the space between them. Chanyeol swallows thickly and Kyungsoo stares at his Adam’s apple as it bobs. He wants to kiss him, maybe. He’s hoping Chanyeol will say something to end the silence, but he knows he’s waiting for Kyungsoo to say more. Kyungsoo gets the same feeling he did right before going onstage in his first talent show in middle school. “I’m really good at keeping people at arm’s length, especially people that I-- well.”
I’m making it real, he thinks.
“I, uh, like. You.” He turns away from Chanyeol when he says it. Just because he’s making it real doesn’t mean he’s that brave.
“I know,” Chanyeol says simply.
Kyungsoo turns back to him with his eyebrows furrowed. “How?”
Chanyeol shrugs. “We spend a lot of time together, ‘Soo. Believe it or not, I kind of do know you.”
Kyungsoo flushes thinking of all the time him and Chanyeol have spent talking to dark ceiling until the sun peeked through the blinds. He figures they might be something like best friends. Maybe more.
When he looks at Chanyeol again, he’s close enough that their noses are almost touching. It makes his heart flutter and he breathes in the smell of Chanyeol. Maybe one day he’ll tell him how much he missed him, how empty and exhausting the days were without his laughter to quiet his thoughts.
He can’t tell him today, though, so like he’s learnt to do and Chanyeol has learned to understand, he leans in and kisses him instead.
☾
August 2 12:55pm
It’s too hot and Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are eating ice cream by the town center. They’re contemplating exactly how fast a popsicle would melt if it was inside an inappropriate orifice when Kyungsoo reaches over, lacing his fingers with Chanyeol’s. Chanyeol stops talking in the middle of explaining the exact potential temperature of said orifice to look down at their hands.
Kyungsoo glares at him. “Don’t make a big deal out of it.”
Chanyeol looks smug, walking with a little more pep than before.
“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo grumbles.
“Hmm?”
“It’s nothing.”
Chanyeol just beams, “Okay.”