(no subject)
Homecoming
Matt shows up at Janice’s house at seven on the dot. He has to make small talk with her parents for fifteen interminable minutes, like he was Ricky Nelson picking up Mary Lou for the big Homecoming dance, but that didn’t matter because this was Janice Murphy and he’d been in love with her since seventh grade and this was their FIRST DATE, the beginning of it all and nothing could possible ruin it. Plus, she was wearing a dress that showed some serious cleavage and that was never a bad thing.
He took her to One Guy from Italy Pizzeria because it was his favorite place and he wanted to share it with her. Also, ever since he rebuilt the owner’s transmission, Carmine always let him get his pizza half off. Nothing wrong with letting Janice see that he had connections.
Except Janice didn’t look too impressed. In fact she was wrinkling her nose like the place smelled funny. Which it didn’t at all because Carmine kept a clean house.
“You’re going to love it, I promise.”
“Oh, this is fine. It’s just…quiet. I usually go to the Italian Palace. There are always so many people there to talk to.”
Matt almost pointed out that hanging out with other people kind of defeated the purpose of a date, but changed his mind at the last second.
“So, what do you like on your pizza?”
Janice smiled and it made Matt’s stomach flip.
“Pepperoni, definitely.”
Oh. Different kind of stomach flip.
“Uh…I don’t. I don’t eat pepperoni.”
Janice stared at him as if he just said he didn’t take in oxygen.
“You don’t? Is that because of the, the Jew thing? Aren’t there like, rules you have to follow?”
The Jew thing? Really? Could she have found a less articulate way to…no. Stop. She remembered a personal detail about you. That’s what’s important. He was going to take it as a compliment.
“No. I mean yeah, I’m Jewish, but I don’t keep kosher. I’m a vegetarian. I don’t eat any meat.”
“Like, seriously? Not even chicken?”
“Unless I missed something and chicken has been declared a plant.” He joked. Janice didn’t laugh.
“Sorry. No animals. Not even the less cute ones. You know Mohinder Suresh, right? Well, he’s my best friend and he’s a vegetarian and I practically live at his house and after awhile I just got used to not eating meat and realized I didn’t miss it. And also I’m not sure you know about it, but the whole meat industry is really gross. Mohinder read this book called Slaughterhouse and it talks about how the pigs are hung on these huge hooks and dragged though the blood that’s soaking the killing floor and how they’re pumped full of all kinds of hormones and fed the remains of other animals and…”
Oh dear god. Shut up. Shut up right now. Why was he babbling like this? Janice looked like she was going to be sick.
“So…yeah. It’s really bad. You uh, you wanna order now? Mohinder and I usually get the pineapple, olive and jalapeño. We created it ourselves through much trial and error. It sounds weird but it’s amazing.”
Janice smiled, her voice a little strained.
“That sounds…um, really interesting. I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
Just like that. No opinion on the matter. He and Mohinder had once argued for almost an hour over pizza toppings, debating the merits of black versus green olives with the kind of seriousness usually only shown by historians picking apart the causes behind the fall of the Soviet Union.
Stop it. What the hell was his problem? And why weren’t they saying anything to each other?
“You, uh, seen any good movies lately?”
Janice perked up slightly and started chattering away about a cinematic masterpiece called House of Corpses, or Fortress of Blood, or something like that. It involved a guy getting impaled on a wrought iron fence in the first ten minutes. There was of course more than that, but it all seemed to run together after a point. All Matt knew was that it took exactly eleven minutes for her to describe the plot in excruciating detail and that he didn’t think he’d be renting it anytime soon. The last movie he’d seen had been The Robot v. The Aztec Mummy. But Janice had never heard of Mystery Science Theater and explaining it as ‘They’re bad movies and there are robots who make fun of them’ had only gotten him a blank look.
Hey, at least his movie was supposed to be bad.
That ended up being the high point of the evening. When the pizza came, Janice picked off all the toppings. Matt offered to order something else, was even willing to watch her eat something with meat on it, but she just smiled like a brave little soldier and swore it was fine.
-If you didn’t want it, why didn’t you say anything? You didn’t even try it first, how do you know you won’t like it? Because it didn’t used to have a face you can’t enjoy it?-
Stop. He needed to stop and remember that not all couples agreed on every single thing. Even he and Mohinder fought occasionally. Wait. Scratch that last thought. Because it sounded all kinds of weird comparing Mohinder to Janice.
He tried talking about college plans because he figured someone like her would have that all worked out. She was going to Vassar to study Marketing and Consumer Science. This sounded to Matt like her parents were paying a shit load of money for her to study shopping for four years. Not that he said that out loud. At least, he didn’t say the shit load part. Still, wasn’t an observation that went over well. She didn’t seem too impressed with his plans either. Of course, Queens College was no Vassar. And he didn’t really know how to respond when her only reaction to wanting to be a cop was to wrinkle her nose and ask ‘Why?’
Talking about classes they had now wasn’t any more successful. That led to such meaningful conversations as:
“Don’t you hate the book we’re reading in English? What is with Keller’s total obsession with Hemingway?”
“Uh…I’m not in your English class. We have History and Physics together.”
“Oh, sorry. I totally knew that. Man, Henry is a jerk, right? Can you believe he gave me a zero for participation for not bringing a calculator to class?”
“It’s in the syllabus. He told us the policy on the first day. And I kind of like him. Mohinder’s dad used to work with him. You know he left M.I.T. to teach high school?”
She looked at him as if he’d completely betrayed her and Matt never recovered from it. The conversation would start up again and then just die. Really, Matt thought it might be better to just take it out back behind the barn and shoot it like Old Yeller. This was his dream girl? This was supposed to be the future Mrs. Matt Parkman?
She was…dumb. And worse than that, boring as fuck. It wasn’t working and Matt was trying hard but there was only so much he could do on his own. She wasn’t asking anything about him and he’d never had to try this hard talking to another person before, not after fourteen years of Mohinder. Mohinder who he could talk with, and think with, and who allowed him to not think all at once. He knew Mohinder and Mohinder knew him, but Mohinder wasn’t here, Janice was here and Matt had long given up on not comparing them to each other since he hadn’t been successful at it all night.
Even the cleavage couldn’t save her. Matt couldn’t enjoy the way her boobs were spilling out of her top at present because the reason they were spilling out was that her arms were crossed over her chest and she looked really, really pissed.
“Do you like, ever have a single conversation that doesn’t come back to Mohinder Suresh?”
-I don’t see you contributing much to the discussion.-
“He’s my best friend. I’ve known him since we were practically in diapers.”
“Doesn’t it bother you that he’s…gay.” The last part was delivered in a whisper; as if she worried the entire restaurant was going to scold her for saying a dirty word.
“No. Should it?”
“But what if he like, tried something?” Again her voice dropped and she glanced around frantically.
Matt leaned forward.
“Why are you whispering? And I don’t understand. What, because he’s gay he can’t control himself? Think he’s going to suddenly fling himself at me?”
Matt doesn’t know why he said it, but the moment he does, the image pops into his head and whoa, the sudden rush it gives him makes him glad that he’s sitting down.
What. The. Fuck.
Where had that come from?
Matt doesn’t know, and after he drops Janice off at home -no goodnight kiss which is probably a good thing since he feels kind of shaky and sick and doesn’t want to make things impossibly worse by puking on her, he walks around trying to understand how what he’s always wanted doesn’t seem that great anymore. Trying to understand how he’s gotten to the point where one thought about Mohinder had him more turned on than he’d been in his life.
**
Age 16
When Mohinder comes out to him mid-junior year, Matt is totally fine with it. Because Mohinder’s his best friend and will always be his best friend and the poor guy looks ready to cry when he finally chokes the words out, so no way in hell Matt can’t help putting his hand on his shoulder and telling him things are going to all be okay.
And that voice in his head that sounds like his dad? The voice hissing at him that Mohinder’s gay and he spends almost all of his time with Mohinder who is gay and how is that going to look, huh? Well, that voice can just shut the fuck up. Like his old man had ever been right about anything in his life.
It totally is all okay. It’s okay when Mohinder starts dating Peter Petrelli, even though he’s an obnoxious whiny emo rich boy with stupid hair. It’s okay when Matt gets detention for three weeks for decking Scott Danby after he calls Mohinder a faggot. More than okay, in fact, because Danby’s always been a jerk and he had it coming for at least ten other things.
It’s okay when his usual he and Janice underneath the bleachers dreams take kind of a weird turn for awhile because nothing to see here folks, everyone knew dreams meant jack shit. After all, Matt had a month when he was six that he had recurring dreams about finding Kermit the Frog encased in a huge block of ice in his freezer, so who was he to try to unravel his twisted subconscious?
And it was more than okay when Mohinder came over to his apartment (for like the first time in forever and what the fuck was that all about? Did Petrelli not let him out of the house? Did having a boyfriend mean you weren’t allowed to use the fucking phone or something?) all pissed off and tense because he and Peter weren’t going to be seeing each other anymore and Adam Monroe was a jerk and Peter was an even bigger jerk and they could both be lying cheating scumbag jerks together, and no he did not want to talk about it, so would Matt just butt the hell out and turn on the damn television, already?
Alright, so Matt wasn’t cool with Peter being a cheater. But he was cool with things ending between the two of them. Not that he didn’t want his friend to be happy. Just not with Peter. Because the hair? Really was stupid.
**
Age 14
Matt crumpled up his latest test and tossed it in the trashcan. Another F. Well, at least he’d managed to finish this one. He was still getting wrong answers, but at least he’d finally learned to pace himself and manage his time so that he could get as many wrong answers as possible.
“Matt, why didn’t you tell me things were this bad?”
Mohinder was using his very supportive and understanding ‘I love Science and You Can, Too!’ voice. Matt knew that someday that voice was going to encourage many young geniuses to buckle down and strive for their full potential. But right now it made him kind of long for the ability to wish Mohinder into a cornfield or something.
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because confessing to my genius best friend that I’m a fucking moron was a little embarrassing.”
“Matt, you’re not a-“
Matt waves his hand to cut off the rest of the speech.
“I’ve heard the ‘buck up little camper’ pep talk before, Mohinder. It’s not my fault. A learning disability is no measure of true intelligence. Lots of people with them adapt and manage to cope and achieve great things, blah, blah, blah. I just…shit, I just thought I had adapted. I was handling this. I made it through middle school. Learned all the tricks. And now here we are and it’s way worse and nothing works and I’m behind in all my classes and I’m going flunk. I’m going to be the oldest freshman in school. I should give up now and start practicing asking people if they want fries with that.”
He put his head down on top of his open textbook. Maybe if he concentrated really hard he could learn by osmosis. And why is it that he could remember that concept, but he couldn’t tell the difference between a ‘d’ and a ‘b’ when it mattered?
“You could try talking to the guidance counselor. You’ve been through a lot in the past year. I bet if you explained your home sit-“
“No! No, I am not going to use my dad as an excuse. He wasn’t here when I needed him and I’m not going to use him not being around now as a sympathy ploy.”
He’s so firm in his resolve (which is just a fancy way of saying stubborn as all hell and ready to walk away the second Mohinder even attempts to bring the topic up again) that he assumes that’s the end of it.
Until three weeks later Mohinder comes over and begins unloading a tape deck and a dozen cassettes from his backpack.
“All of my class notes. And I’m willing to read the texts out loud to you as well, if you want.”
Matt stares at him until Mohinder finally shrugs away and begins loading the tape player up.
“What? I’m supposed to survive high school without you? Now, I thought we’d start with Chemistry…”
**
Age 13
Maury Parkman left his family on a Tuesday.
No one knew exactly how long he’d been planning it.
Long enough to give his two weeks notice at work. Long enough to clean out most of his kid’s college fund. Long enough to buy a decent car for cheap from a cousin and make arrangements to stay with an old army buddy in California.
Long enough for milestones and road marks to spring up ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ ‘Last chance to turn back’, ‘Stop and think about how this is going to all go down’ to be seen and ignored.
As far as exit strategies went, it was well thought out and flawlessly executed.
Maury left on a Tuesday.
That next Monday found Matt tearing his room apart.
Because his dad was gone.
Because everyone at school knew his dad was gone.
Because everyone at school knew his dad was gone and they were all being so understanding about it, offering a shoulder or an ear or whatever was the empathetic body part of choice.
Matt hadn’t taken them up on it. In fact, he’d punched Peter Petrelli right in his understanding face.
Fuck him. Who the hell did he think he was? The younger brother of an almost friend who had no fucking clue about Matt or his life.
This action had gotten Matt suspended.
Which had gotten him grounded. Which had led him here-tearing his room apart while Mohinder watched.
Watched him rip the posters from his wall, shake the dresser until the drawers rattled, yank the blankets off the bed and leave the mattress half hanging, kick and punch at the walls and break the curtain rod when he pulled them down.
“Fuck him. I hate him. I hope he never comes back. I hope he fucking dies. He was a dick and I don’t need him. We don’t need him, we’re better off without him.”
And then he paced, adrenalin surging through him. He felt like he might die. Like if he didn’t cry or scream or run as far as he could, or tear the whole world apart he was going to fucking die right this second. Fight or flight instinct and he had nowhere to go and no one to fight and even if he did it wouldn’t make him feel better, not really. He hadn’t felt any better when he hit Peter and he didn’t even really like the kid, so hitting Mohinder would be even less useful.
Nothing was any better and now all his shit was fucked up.
His hands were bleeding and Mohinder being so very practical left for a minute and came back with band -aids and anti-bacterial junk and sat him down on the floor among all his broken things and patched him up without saying a word.
And maybe it was a case of his mom being the one to call Mohinder and asking him to come over, but Matt liked to think that it was really that Mohinder had just known instinctively to come to Matt when Matt needed somebody, needed Mohinder so much.
Like some kind of miracle.
**
Age 12
Matt stared down at the blank sheet of lined paper in front of him. Alright, then. Time to get started. Bright side though, even if he hated writing essays, at least it was for a book he’d actually liked. Mohinder had been right about it being way cooler than the movie.
‘Atticus Finch is an admirable person because he is honest and fair.’
Good strong opening sentence. Awesome. He was going to ace this assignment.
What the fuck, Evie! He’s spending the night at that little Paki’s house again this weekend?
Matt rolled his eyes and got up to close the door to his bedroom. Eight years and hid dad had finally gotten to the point where he no longer said that kind of stuff to Mohinder’s face. That had to be progress, right? Maybe he was finally learning. He’d have to remember to give him a smile or something later as a reward. And he wasn’t going to consider how weird it was that he thought about training his dad out of racism like most people thought about teaching a dimwitted puppy not to crap on the carpet.
‘Atticus believes in the truth and the goodness of people no matter what their race. This sets him apart from the people in his town. Even though it would be easier not to help Tom Robinson, he does because it is the right thing to do.’
I don’t like it. They spend way too much time together.
Maury, be reasonable. Mohinder is a bright and polite little boy. I think he’s a good influence on Matt. Would you rather he run around with that hoodlum Ted Sprague?
I’m not saying the kid’s not smart, you know those kind usually are. Makes you wonder why they always end up driving cabs.
Music. That’s what he needed. That would help him concentrate.
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
There. That was better.
‘The most important and admirable thing about Atticus Finch is that he is a good father. He passes all of his good qualities on to Scout and Jem and teaches them about not judging people and what true goodness and bravery is.’
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Pink! The little shit wears pink! And now he’s got Matt going on about cruelty to animals and-
Matt cranked the volume up louder.
I need psychiatric therapy
I could use a lobotomy
Guess I'll never learn
Suppose I'll always be a worm
‘Atticus is the best dad ever because he spends time with his kids and listens to them like they’re grown ups and what they say matters and he teaches them things. Even if he isn’t like the other dads in Maycomb he’s much better because teaching your kids about seeing what’s inside of people and not hating others is way cooler than being able to hunt or fish.’
I'm a monstrosity
I'm a human oddity
Everybody's staring at me
I'm an outcast from society
Freak of nature
God damn it, Evie!! I am not going to let our son end up being a goddamned fucking faggot!
Matt gripped his pen so hard his fingers hurt. He couldn’t breath all of a sudden, couldn’t move. It felt like his mother was never going to respond, as if he were going to sit suspended in this moment like a mosquito trapped in fly paper, forever.
Tell him it wouldn’t matter. Tell him to fuck off. Tell him it doesn’t matter, come on mom. Say it. He doesn’t know why, but he needs her to say it.
Don’t be ridiculous, Maury. Matthew’s not that way.
You know what? He could work on this essay later. He was going to get started on his Spanish homework instead.
Later that evening, Matt poked at his food. His mom was still putting meat on his plate, but she’d given him twice as much vegetables to make up for it.
“How was your day, sweetie?”
“Fine. Mohinder and I-“
His mom tensed up instantly and across the table his father looked almost purple as he stabbed viciously at his steak.
Matt bit his lip and wildly cast around for something else to say.
“There uh, there’s a new girl in my class. Janice Murphy.”
“That’s nice.”
“She’s uh, she’s really pretty.”
Instant transformation. His mom beamed at him. His dad was chuckling under his breath about him being a chip off the old block.
Matt smiled into his plate. Yeah, Janice was pretty. All that shiny dark hair. How had he not noticed it earlier?
**
Age 6
“And we went to the zoo, and Amma bought us ice cream and she let me have my own ‘cause Mohinder wanted strawberry and I wanted chocolate and we saw all the aminals and the baby el’phants and Amma says that in India people can ride the el’phants!”
Matt paused to take a breath and scowled at his mother. She wasn’t looking at him, she was sorting through the mail and getting that frowny look on her face. Bills. Matt didn’t know what they were exactly, just that they made grown ups always get upset.
“Mommy! Pay attention!”
“I’m listening, little man. Mommy’s just tired right now. Keep telling me about your day. What else did you see?”
“We saw tigers and a really, really big snake and monkeys and the monkeys were running and swinging around and Mohinder asked Amma if he could have one and she said no because they already had two little cheeky monkeys and sometimes three when you counted me and they didn’t need another one in the house and isn’t that funny? Am I your little monkey, Mommy?”
“Priya, Matthew. Her name is Priya. Or better yet, Mrs. Suresh.”
Matt was confused. He knew what Amma’s name was. But that was her grown up name. Mohinder and Shanti always called her Amma.
“But she doesn’t mind, mommy. She said I could call her Amma.”
“Well, maybe I mind it, Matthew!”
His mommy’s voice got all high pitched like it did when he ran into the street without looking. Matt took a sudden step backwards. Had he done something bad to make his mommy angry at him?
“Oh, little man. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. Come here, honey.”
She held out her arms and he climbed into her lap and buried his face into her neck. She smelled like the hospital where she worked, but underneath it there was the faint smell of rosewater, like all mommies should have.
“You see, Matty, Amma isn’t just any old name. That’s a special name little boys and girls call their mommies in India. It’s just for Mohinder and Shanti to use. I know you spend a lot of time at the Suresh’s now that I’m working more, and I know you like Mohinder-“
“I love Mohinder. He’s my bestest friend. We’re going to live together when we grow up.”
His mommy squeezed him a bit tighter and Matt started to squirm a little.
“Alright, Matty, I know you-you love Mohinder, but do you see why it wouldn’t be right for you to call Mrs. Suresh, Amma? Not when you already have a mommy who loves you very, very much.”
Mommy was biting her lip and looking like she might cry and Matt was hit by the sudden clarity that often struck little children.
His mommy was sad because she thought he loved Amma and Mohinder more than her. That he was going to go away. Well, he could fix that.
“It’s okay, mommy. Mohinder and I worked it all out. We’re gonna to live in our secret base and we’re gonna be superheroes and we’re gonna help people. And you can make us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. With strawberry jelly. Not grape. And Mohinder doesn’t like crusts. An’ chocolate milk! You hafta visit ‘cause you let us have chocolate milk and Am-Mrs. Suresh never lets us have that.”
And now his mommy was smiling. Matt had fixed everything, saved the day like a real superhero would and he couldn’t help laughing as his mommy tickled his sides and blew raspberries on his cheeks. She looked so pretty when she laughed. He and Mohinder were going to be the best team ever with her to take care of them.
**
Age 18
Holy shit. He loved Mohinder. He loved him like that. How long had he-Christ did everyone know? Was he the only one who refused to see it all this time? And he had been a jerk. He had yammered on about Janice and her boobs and her legs and her pretty shiny hair for six fucking years while Mohinder sat there and didn’t say a word and how could he have done that when Mohinder…wait. When Mohinder what? Just because Mohinder was gay, didn’t mean he automatically returned his feelings. Hadn’t he almost bit Janice’s head off for assuming the exact same thing?
Matt took a sharp U-turn suddenly knowing exactly where he had to go. Mohinder’s mom answered the door.
“Matthew, don’t you look sharp tonight.”
“Thanks, Mrs. S. Is Mohinder home?”
“Yes, dear. He’s in his room. Shanti came down from school this weekend and she and Chandra are out for the evening.” She leaned forward and dropped her voice to a whisper. “They’re buying my birthday present and planning the surprise party, although I’m sure they think they’re being terribly sneaky about it.”
She nodded towards the stairs.
“Of course, you know the way up. I’m going to practice my surprised face in the mirror. Do you think this is a good one?”
She put her hands to her cheeks and widened her eyes. Matt couldn’t help thinking she looked kind of like the kid from Home Alone. She laughed when he told her. It sounded just like Mohinder’s.
God, what would he have done all those years without Mohinder and Dr and Mrs. Suresh and his mother to make sure he turned out right? Would he have to find out? Was he about to ruin everything? Suddenly, Matt’s throat ached and his eyes prickled with tears. He wanted nothing more than to fling his arms around her waist and call her Amma again. For her to fix everything.
“That-that’s great, Mrs. S. I’m gonna, I’m just gonna head on up.”
When he entered it, Mohinder’ room was empty and Matt could faintly hear the rush of the shower from down the hall. He sat down and waited for whatever it was to come.
Mohinder stared at him for a full minute when he entered the room and it was the first time Matt had ever felt uncomfortable in his presence, like he should have knocked first or waited outside. Definitely shouldn’t have been sitting on his bed.
“Your mom, she uh-she said I could come up.”
Mohinder was wearing sweatpants and an undershirt with holes in the seams. It was so old and thin that Matt could see the dark hint of a nipple though the fabric. His hair was dripping slightly, the curls at the base of his neck tighter than usual from the humidity of the shower and he looked so good that Matt couldn’t stand it, he wanted to touch him so bad and what the fuck was his problem? How had he missed this for fourteen years? What was he? Headless?
“I love you.” He blurted out.
Oh, dear god. Way to ease into the topic there, genius.
Mohinder paused in the middle of drying his hair, his arm poised up in the air. It pulled his t-shirt up just enough that Matt could see a tiny curve of his hip-bone and his hand twitched slightly. Focus, Parkman!
“Uh, I love you too, Matt. You aren’t-you aren’t dying are you?”
“No, I am in love with you, Mohinder. Like want to take you out on a date, hold your hand at school, kiss you and-and other stuff in love with you.”
Matt didn’t think after over a decade of willful blindness he was going to be lucky enough for Mohinder to suddenly throw his arms around him and beg Matt to take him right this second, but he didn’t anticipate how sad Mohinder would look.
“No you aren’t.”
“Yes, I am, Mohinder. I mean it. You know I wouldn’t joke about this kind of thing.”
“Yes, I know you wouldn’t joke. I’m sure you think you love me, but it’s not real, Matt. Janice-“
“Was a mistake.” Matt cut in. “Such a huge mistake. I spent this whole night while I was with her thinking about you.”
Mohinder squeezed his eyes shut and frantically shook his head.
“No. No. I don’t know what you want or what you think you want or why you think you want what you think you want, but it’s not going to happen.”
Matt grabbed his wrist and tugged Mohinder closer until he fell down on the bed next to him.
“See, I just got all of that. I understand you when you babble like that. I get you. You get me. Why wouldn’t this work? Why wouldn’t we be perfect for each other?” Matt suddenly remembered Peter Petrelli. “Is it-is it that there’s someone else? Do you not…do you not want me the same way?”
“No! Yes! That’s not the point. It doesn’t work like that, Matthew!” Mohinder shouted at him and then lowered his voice to an angry whisper.
“It doesn’t work like that. I don’t know if you’re exploring or experimenting or confused or just horny, but I’m not going to let you be whatever it is you are with me. I’m gay, not pathetic. And I’m not stupid, either. You don’t wake up one day and suddenly realize ‘I’m in love with a guy! Nifty!’ That’s not real love, that’s hormones. It takes years to fall in love with a person.”
“How many years? At least two? Because it was two year ago I had my first naughty dream about you which I immediately did my best to repress. At least five? Cause that’s when you were the only thing I needed to keep me from falling apart after my dad left. Fourteen? Is fourteen years enough? Cause that’s how long we’ve known each other. That’s how long you’ve been the most important person in my life. Do you remember? We met at pre-school. You shared your crayons with me. You were drawing a picture of a tree and you made the leaves purple and I thought that was so cool because who wouldn’t want to see purple trees? How is it that I can remember that, but I couldn’t tell you the color of the dress Janice was wearing tonight? I know you. I know you still have your stuffed monkey buried in the back of your closet even though your dad thinks you got rid of it. I know you have a scar on your knee from jumping off the swings when you were ten. I know you never told either of our parents that I was the one who dared you to do it. I know that you’re the only thing that makes sense all the time. I know that you’re home for me. I know-“
And then Matt didn’t know anything because Mohinder had leaned forward and kissed him. Matt instantly went still, he was so surprised. Until Mohinder sighed, made this gaspy, choky shuddery noise and his eyelashes brushed Matt’s cheeks and Matt couldn’t help it, he couldn’t not respond, couldn’t not surge forward and slip his tongue into Mohinder’s mouth.
And Mohinder let him. Mohinder let him, kissed him back, tongue sliding against his and every hair on Matt’s body seemed to stand on end, his arms wrapped around Mohinder and Mohinder’s arms around him. Matt’s hands clutched at the back of Mohinder’s shirt and his thumb touched the spot at the hem where the fabric had ridden up, touched Mohinder’s skin, and Mohinder jolted forward, toppled into his lap and Mohinder was hard, he could feel Mohinder’s cock digging into his hip and Matt rocked forward needing contact, it wasn’t enough, not nearly enough, he needed more, so Matt flipped them over back against the mattress and pinned him. There were a few perfect seconds of blissful friction and then Mohinder rolled away gasping for breath.
“Matt, wait, wait-we can’t.”
He was absolutely not ashamed of the fact that he totally whimpered at this.
“Oh for the love of-I mean we can’t right now. My mother is downstairs. You just suddenly decided you were gay. We are not having sex right now. We need to take things slow.”
Slow. Which was not the same thing as never. Matt grinned at him.
“So…you’re saying sometime in the future at a date to be determined you’re willing to consider having sex? Aww, Mohinder you do love me!”
The other boy rolled his eyes.
“Yes, well I suppose you’re lucky I have a high tolerance for sap. I’m home for you? Of all the Hallmark card sentiments...”
Mohinder never finished the sentence because Matt leaned forward to kiss him again. Hey, the guy had said slow, not standing still.
And sappy or not, the second kiss was as much like coming home as the first.