(no subject)
How do I begin?
I've been known as a "pothead" for quite some time now. I've completely let the drugs and party scene control my mind, soul, and life. I made horrible mistakes along the way and feel like I lost so many good friends down the road. I wasted not only my time, money, high school experience, energy, but everyday that passed by. I felt lost in the world and couldn't find who I was inside when really I was too scared to face the reality of who I really was.
And now going onto being five week clean, (which may not sound like a lot but coming from someone who smoked AT LEAST once a day I'm proud to say I'm proud of myself) I have now excepted who I am inside and admore everything single aspect. I've learned a great deal of things being sober again and have grown up a lot in the process; only to leave me wondering how I ever fell down that path in the first place.
I'm very soon to be turning 19, already concidered an "adult", but mentally became one just recently. Age doesn't define you. Who you are inside does. I'm glad I know better than to waste my life away on being the "cool" one at the party seeing how many things you can indulge into your body and see if you can live from it. Life is too pure to even think about finding out.
Now in college, I'm not exactly thrilled about what I chose as my major due to the years of schooling and extreme hard work I'm going to have to put into it but it's what makes me happy and I know I'm giving something back which is a blessing in itself. I'm happy to say I'm on my way to beginning my life, step by step. I don't exactly know where I will be in ten years, five years, next year, or even this weekend but I do know where ever I will be I will always be the same person inside, filled with all this "insane" knowledge that I like to think God (and my mother) have filled me with to not only help myself, but to make a difference in the sad, disgusting side of the world that I grew incredable too fond to at a point in my life. To use my powers for not evil, but for good. And make the bad shine again.
For all the "friends" I made along my journey of who can get the most "trashed" in one sitting, I pray deeply for them. And knowing they have all long forgotten me I haven't forgotten any of them. I will always hold each and everyone of them close in my heart and pray they soon realize what I have recently realized. To get away from the "lifestyle" they know and find a better one to live that doesn't involve spending their entire paychecks on drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, and whatever other ways they feel to harm their bodies. Knowing God is standing there right beside them the entire time hurts me knowing how bad it is hurting him. And as to how bad I wish I could pull every single one of them out of that "hole" they have fallen into I have accepted that is only a choice that they themselves have to make. Yet, I do hope they know that if they ever need a good influence or a friend to talk to, I'm here. Because no matter what anyone says, all a fein really wants is a friend to talk to. And since that's all I can be I've decided to make it kind of a mission of mine to always be that friend.
I've been known as a "pothead" for quite some time now. I've completely let the drugs and party scene control my mind, soul, and life. I made horrible mistakes along the way and feel like I lost so many good friends down the road. I wasted not only my time, money, high school experience, energy, but everyday that passed by. I felt lost in the world and couldn't find who I was inside when really I was too scared to face the reality of who I really was.
And now going onto being five week clean, (which may not sound like a lot but coming from someone who smoked AT LEAST once a day I'm proud to say I'm proud of myself) I have now excepted who I am inside and admore everything single aspect. I've learned a great deal of things being sober again and have grown up a lot in the process; only to leave me wondering how I ever fell down that path in the first place.
I'm very soon to be turning 19, already concidered an "adult", but mentally became one just recently. Age doesn't define you. Who you are inside does. I'm glad I know better than to waste my life away on being the "cool" one at the party seeing how many things you can indulge into your body and see if you can live from it. Life is too pure to even think about finding out.
Now in college, I'm not exactly thrilled about what I chose as my major due to the years of schooling and extreme hard work I'm going to have to put into it but it's what makes me happy and I know I'm giving something back which is a blessing in itself. I'm happy to say I'm on my way to beginning my life, step by step. I don't exactly know where I will be in ten years, five years, next year, or even this weekend but I do know where ever I will be I will always be the same person inside, filled with all this "insane" knowledge that I like to think God (and my mother) have filled me with to not only help myself, but to make a difference in the sad, disgusting side of the world that I grew incredable too fond to at a point in my life. To use my powers for not evil, but for good. And make the bad shine again.
For all the "friends" I made along my journey of who can get the most "trashed" in one sitting, I pray deeply for them. And knowing they have all long forgotten me I haven't forgotten any of them. I will always hold each and everyone of them close in my heart and pray they soon realize what I have recently realized. To get away from the "lifestyle" they know and find a better one to live that doesn't involve spending their entire paychecks on drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, and whatever other ways they feel to harm their bodies. Knowing God is standing there right beside them the entire time hurts me knowing how bad it is hurting him. And as to how bad I wish I could pull every single one of them out of that "hole" they have fallen into I have accepted that is only a choice that they themselves have to make. Yet, I do hope they know that if they ever need a good influence or a friend to talk to, I'm here. Because no matter what anyone says, all a fein really wants is a friend to talk to. And since that's all I can be I've decided to make it kind of a mission of mine to always be that friend.