do i've come to realize...
that i've been a really shitty person. i've been in hiding away from my friends. but i suppose its been kind of a good thing. i've been really cleaning up my act so that i can graduate. i feel like when i hang out with "the crew" everyone just really wants to get drunk all the time and everyone is really weird about alcohol. i cant really have a hangover every day when i wake up to go to school.
another thing is i just feel like people are constantly judging me. i'm always thinking "what do they think of me?" "did i say something wrong?" its really starting to bug me. the only person i'm really ever comfortable with is jennifer because i know shes just like me. but its been overtaking my mind.
i really just can't wait to get out. i thought that i would never want to get out of des moines but now i just cant wait. i just want to be happy and get a fresh new start. what i really want is to be not so dependent on drugs and alcohol. you dont even know it has come down to that but then all of the sudden BAM! youre scrounging around to find the fastest way to alter your mind. it makes me sick to my stomach. and what really scares me is that i wont have the will power to stop. both of my parents were/are alcoholics. that really fucks me up.
so apparently i have a date on sunday? hes not that cute but hes funny and thats what really gets me. humor. cuteness is overrated. im excited but at the same time im scared. im scared that the same thing will happen over and over again. i'll lead him on and he'll get hooked and then i'll be like "see yaaa" because one thing will annoy me about him and i'll obsess about that one little thing that really doesnt even matter. i'm so just sick of myself.
another thing is i just feel like people are constantly judging me. i'm always thinking "what do they think of me?" "did i say something wrong?" its really starting to bug me. the only person i'm really ever comfortable with is jennifer because i know shes just like me. but its been overtaking my mind.
i really just can't wait to get out. i thought that i would never want to get out of des moines but now i just cant wait. i just want to be happy and get a fresh new start. what i really want is to be not so dependent on drugs and alcohol. you dont even know it has come down to that but then all of the sudden BAM! youre scrounging around to find the fastest way to alter your mind. it makes me sick to my stomach. and what really scares me is that i wont have the will power to stop. both of my parents were/are alcoholics. that really fucks me up.
so apparently i have a date on sunday? hes not that cute but hes funny and thats what really gets me. humor. cuteness is overrated. im excited but at the same time im scared. im scared that the same thing will happen over and over again. i'll lead him on and he'll get hooked and then i'll be like "see yaaa" because one thing will annoy me about him and i'll obsess about that one little thing that really doesnt even matter. i'm so just sick of myself.