Fic: Put a band-aid on my heart (One-Shot)
Title: Put a band-aid on my heart (One Shot)
Summary: Blaine breaks up with Kurt in October. This is what happens when he sees him again two days before Christmas.
Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, New Directions, MOC
Rating: PG-13 (barely)
Word Count: 3,500
Warnings: Spoilers for what apparently happens in season 4. Fluff. A bit of angst.
Beta: The lovely collidingminds.
They don’t run into each other at Mr. Shue’s wedding. Blaine has a sudden case of family emergency and he is very, very sorry, but he makes sure that Sam knows the lyrics to all of Blaine’s lines for the big number at the reception; makes sure that the New Directions will shine without him.
“Are you certain you can’t come?”, Sam inquires for what feels like the 50th time two days before the thing. But Blaine just shakes his head. “No, I told you, it’s my grandmother, she isn’t feeling well.”
“I thought you said it was your aunt?”
“Y- Yeah, she, too. Both of them. Major bout of the flu. And Grandma is old so..” He trails off, waves his hand, and looks away.
“Sure, bro.” Sam claps an awkward hand on Blaine’s shoulder and resumes his training.
Over the holiday break, there are enough parties and get-togethers at different houses that he can still skirt around any awkward run-ins with the boy he broke up with not even three months earlier. It’s not like he thinks it wasn’t the right thing to do. He knows it was. Kurt doesn’t need his silly little high school boyfriend tying him down to a place Kurt despises. He also doesn’t need him while he is running around New York, experiencing life to the fullest. Kurt doesn’t need him, period.
He feels justified when he is sitting next to Rachel in Tina’s room where he was just supposed to spend a quiet afternoon with his glee club co-captain, when Rachel suddenly showed up to invite them to her annual holiday fête the following day, which they accepted politely. Rachel wouldn’t be Rachel though if she didn’t at once start talking about her accomplishments.
“Oh, yes, life in New York is just grand! But you’ve seen it, Blaine, when you visited. Do you remember that little café we went to...”
Blaine tunes out, tries to ignore what Rachel is rattling off next to him, nodding from time to time, and draws his legs up, wrapping his arms around them. Until he hears a name that will probably always make his heart flutter.
“... and Kurt! His new boyfriend is ah-mah-zing!” Rachel says in this kind of really annoying accent. “He brings him flowers to his office every day, he serenades him, and oh my god,” she nearly hyperventilates, “he is tall, with broad shoulders, and the most handsome face. A bit like that Olympian we were crushing on last summer. Well, he is on the university’s rowing team after all,” she smiles the sweetest smile expectantly up at Blaine, who presses his lips tightly together, trying to drag up the corners of his mouth with all his might.
Tina next to him is secretly reaching for his hand, squeezing it in her much smaller one. She is also shuffling closer to him, almost wrapping him up in her arms. Blaine wants to kiss her for sensing his discomfort and calming him effectively with her presence. He doesn’t know what he would do without her. He makes a mental note to remember to tell her more often how much he appreciates her friendship.
“Well,” Tina now pipes up behind him, “I am certainly glad, Kurt is moving on as well. Blaine here has had quite a few of wonderful dates already. He only has to choose which one of the cute boys he wants to-”
“Tina,” Blaine interjects more sharply than he intended to, “don’t-” He isn’t sure how to continue. He looks at his hands that are still clasped around his legs, tries to continue. “That’s not quite true, actually. There- there hasn’t been anyone since.” He pauses, forces himself to look up at Rachel’s ear at least, if not her eyes. “But I’m happy for Kurt.” He nods slowly, taking a long breath, wets his lips.
The room feels too stuffy all of a sudden, his heart too heavy. Rachel reminds him too much of that heartbreaking fall evening in New York. “I should go,” he turns to Tina, quickly grabbing his things, smoothing down his pants. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asks, and is out of the door before either woman can say anything.
“See you at my house tomorrow, Blaine!” he hears Rachel shout from Tina’s window and turns to see her waving at him. He waves back and vanishes in his car, driving slowly away from Tina’s house.
It has been less than three months since they broke up. More accurately, it has been 79 days, 6 hours, and, he checks his watch, 47 minutes. Blaine is happy for Kurt. This is, after all, what he wanted for him when he broke up with Kurt. It’s just.. well, he didn’t think that Kurt would have found that Prince Charming quite as quickly. Then again, this is Kurt, who, as far as Blaine is concerned, is a Prince Charming in his own right and deserves all the fucking best.
As he is trudging through the snow to get from his car to his house, Blaine’s heart starts racing. He looks up to his window and is reminded of lazy hours spent in his room at this time last year, gentle lips exploring his body, and he shivers.
Blaine aches with longing for those days. He wishes it would still be him walking hand in hand with Kurt, still him that Kurt whispers sweet nothings to over coffee, still him that Kurt is fucking gently into, drawing him closer into his arms, while the sun sets on Lima. But there’s a new guy who has all of that and more with Kurt.
Kurt is no longer his, never will be again. And it kills Blaine that Kurt could move on so fast from what they had.
There are tears that apparently want to be shed, but he’s refusing to cry. He has cried enough about losing Kurt. This was his decision. His very own solution to the heartbreak that was sure to descend on him with Kurt in New York. His heart broke nonetheless and Blaine thinks that this might be actually worse than if he had just tried making long distance work. He has a feeling though that Kurt would have noticed Blaine’s shortcomings sooner or later and would have dumped him anyway.
He races to his room and buries himself underneath a heap of blankets, falling asleep to some radio talk show on current events.
When Blaine wakes up eight hours later, his mind is at once alert with the things that he has to get through today. There is the holiday party, functioning as a New Directions reunion at Rachel’s dads’ house. So, he’ll have to endure an endless stream of How are you, dude? and possibly also a lot of explaining as to why he and Kurt have split. Former and current members of New Directions aren’t exactly known for their tact.
But that isn’t what is stressing him out the most. He has a well prepared set of answers to those questions. However, he doesn’t feel prepared at all to be in Kurt’s presence again.
Blaine rubs his eyes and drags himself out of bed. When he comes back from the bathroom, he stands for what feels like forever in front of his wardrobe. He doesn’t know what to wear to Rachel’s shingding. Ruffling through his hair doesn’t help at all. It will just make his hair look frizzier. “Hm,” he ponders several options. He could go with his dark jeans and a maroon sweater. But that outfit and Rachel’s house stir up unwelcome memories. He could go with his new- no, he shakes his head at himself. Why is he even doing this? There’s nobody there he wants to impress. He hasn’t really paid attention to his outfits these past 79 days. So why should he start again now? Blaine pulls out his dark blue skinny jeans, a white and red striped shirt and his dark grey cardigan. This will do. He’ll still look less unkempt than most boys in attendance. Well, all but one. He is sure that Kurt will look his most radiant.
He scrunches up his face. Again, Kurt is at the top of his mind. Blaine swears to himself that he well get through this afternoon at Rachel’s with as few scars as possible and stop drowning in self-pity starting January 1.
Blaine doesn’t eat breakfast, can’t really will himself to swallow anything with how his stomach is in knots, but he drowns two cups of coffee. After that, he showers for twenty minutes. Limbs loose, feeling a bit drowsy, he attempts to shave, but cuts himself on the second drag down his neck. “Fuck,” he swears and scrambles for a band-aid. His cut stings a bit when he let’s water run over it, but it helps him clear his head. Putting the band-aid over the cut, he wishes he cut just put a band-aid over his heart so as to not seem to broken this afternoon or splutter out things he’d better bury deep inside himself. He doesn’t want to make more of a fool of himself as he’ll probably do anyway. No need to remind Kurt why it was good for them to part.
He wonders if Kurt’s new boyfriend will be there, too. His heart feels heavy at the thought and he finds himself praying to whatever deity will choose to listen to him, that Prince Charming won’t make an appearance. Blaine thinks that he can maybe deal with this as long as that new man in Kurt’s life is merely a thing of Rachel’s stories. He’d rather not see a picture or the man himself - although his brain is playing tricks on him, coming up with all of ridiculously attractive men holding Kurt’s hand and- no. He has to stop doing that, for his own benefit.
A couple of hours later, after getting dressed and gelling his hair, after an impromptu sing-off with himself and after another two cups of coffee, he is standing in front of Rachel Berry’s house, debating whether or not to ring the doorbell. His hands are still in his coat, and he’s drawing another steadying breath, when there’s a hand on his shoulder. Blaine lets out a little scream and turns around to find Tina and Mike laughing behind him. He really hadn’t heard them approach over the thoughts running through his mind.
Mike scoops him up in a hug. Blaine has missed Mike these past few months. Tina comes around to hug him from the other side, turning them effectively into a perfect hugging pile, and mumbles something into his scarf that he can’t quite make out.
“Sorry?” Blaine asks her, turning his head a little.
“Are you ready to face the ex?” She is trying to joke him out of his nervousness, he knows. Tina is exceptionally good at that kind of thing.
So he decides to play along. “Yes, ma’am, razor cut and heart all patched up with band-aid. Maybe I should put on some war paint though. What do you think?”
“Meh, your gelmet will do. And hiding will be difficult with or without war paint. No need to disguise your handsome face, my friend.” She smiles warmly at him and pats his cheeck.
“Let’s go inside, guys, I’m freezing,” Mike interjects and moves to knock on the door, which opens before he can even touch it. “Whoa, okay. Hi, there, Rachel Berry!” he laughs, as a radiant Rachel is revealed and ushers them inside. They hang up their coats and proceed after Rachel into the basement.
The party is already in full bloom as they descend the stairs and Blaine finds himself smiling at the memory of a rather disastrous night that had ended up for him with a sleep-over in Kurt’s bed. Oh, fuck this, he scolds himself. No more wading the waters of what has been. When he makes contact with the last step, a set of arms is already flung around his neck and he finds Santana hugging him. She must clearly be inebriated already or she wouldn’t be squeezing him as much as she is, mumbling about how much she had been looking forward to seeing her favorite hobbit again.
“You’re looking good, Blainers,” Santana says quietly. “I was worried, you know? So tell me, what the fuck happened to you and Hummel over there?”, she nods into the far corner where Blaine comes face to face with a set of blue-green eyes much earlier than he thought. He smiles tightly at Kurt and waves awkwardly. Kurt waves back, and turns back to his conversation with Mercedes.
Blaine’s whole body is humming. He desperately wants to go over, hold Kurt in his arms and bury his face in his neck. Kurt’s profile looks even more distinguished to him now. But that’s what Blaine had already expected to happen.
Blaine sighs, looks back to Santana, proceeding to free himself. “I told you, we broke up.” His voice catches a bit.
“Yeah, but why? You never told me why.”
“It- look, Santana, I’d rather not discuss this here. Let’s catch up over coffee some time? My treat?”
“Hm, yes, good. Let’s do that.” She squeezes him one more time, before she’s off to hug Mike and Tina.
The rest of the following two hours is spent mingling with New Directions members, old and new, always making sure that he doesn’t stray too close to Kurt. Who looks dashing, by the way, in his simple charcoal pants, white shirt, red cardigan. Hair swooped up in a perfect curve. Blaine, of course, doesn’t openly stare at him. But he manages to sneak a glance here and there.
When he finds it more and more difficult to hold up his part in a conversation with Mr Shue about possible songs for Regionals, he excuses himself to the restroom.
Blaine, with another glance at Kurt, sneaks up the stairs and quickly vanishes into the restroom. He locks the door, and scoots down to sit on the floor. Blaine can feel his heart racing, damn those last two cups of coffee. Damn not eating at all all day long. Damn- no. He can’t blame this on Kurt. It’s all him and his anxiety now. Blaine lies down, puts a hand over his belly and breathes in counting slowly to four. He can feel his hand rise with the air filling him up. He breathes out again.
1
2
3
4
He repeats the exercise three times as advised by Mrs Schuester a couple of weeks ago when his nerves got the better of him shortly before Sectionals.
He feels calmer already. But with the calm comes the realization that he has been a coward today. He hasn’t manned up (but he only ever could with Kurt by his side, so..) to at least say a proper hello to Kurt, or to congratulate him on finding someone new. He closes his eyes for a moment and resolves to do just that. He will walk out of that bathroom and be pleasant and polite to Kurt. They used to be friends. He should be able to do this. Yes, he will be able to do this in a dignified manner.
When Puck starts pounding against the door, Blaine quickly stands up, flushes the toilet to keep up appearances and washes his hands. One last look into the mirror and he is out of the bathroom and almost floating down the staircase. Which is why he almost collides with Kurt mid-staircase. He manages to hold onto the banister and puts a steadying grip on Kurt’s arm. And just like that his heart is back in his throat, pounding as if to jump right out. He drops Kurt’s arm when he is sure that he won’t fall down the stairs.
With his heart practically on his tongue, he rushes out “Kurt!” in greeting, “hi, hi, how are you?”, and hopes his smile doesn’t resemble a carnival clown’s. Blaine breathes and waits.
“Blaine,” Kurt acknowledges him, and Blaine wants to die with hearing his name rolling off that tongue again. “I’m.. well. Thank you. You?” He asks all quiet and composed and, oh, Blaine wants to bang his head against the wall next to them. He is too close, much too close. Blaine takes a step up the stairs which puts him at a weird angle in relation to Kurt.
“Oh, you, know, boring high school stories, same old, same old. It’s nothing you’d want to hear about,” he squeezes the words out, making a kind of half step back down one stair. “I.. Kurt- I just-” Blaine can’t get out what he wants to say. He clenches his hand releases it again, breathes deeply in, squares his jaw. He is ready. He can do this. “Kurt, Rachel has told me about your new b-boyfriend. Congratulations! That’s amazing!” He’s being too bright, too loud, too cheerful, he knows that; can deduct it from how Kurt is looking at him with pity. Blaine clears his throat. “You deserve nothing but the best,” he adds much calmer, tries another smile. But he can’t take the look in Kurt’s eyes, doesn’t know how to deal with the sudden quiet. “I’m glad you could move on.” Blaine nods, as if to put more emphasis on his words.
But then, with another look at Kurt’s face, eyebrows raised, eyes boring into him, bottom lip drawn in, the band-aid on his heart rips, making the stupid thing drop to the bottom of his belly. He can’t be out of there fast enough. Blaine turns around and dashes back up the stairs, manages to grab his coat from the hanger and is out of the house in a matter of seconds.
“Well, that went well,” he mumbles and kicks a forgotten ball in the snow. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. You idiot,” he scolds himself, as he walks swiftly down the street. “At least he can gladly say he escaped a relationship with a maniac-”
“I won’t,” a soft voice behind him says.
Blaine wheels around. And there he is: Kurt. Pristine pea coat, wrapping his scarf around his beautiful neck.
“You forgot your scarf.” Kurt says and makes a step forward. But instead of handing it to him, he gets that much closer, making Blaine breathe in the scent of his soap and aftershave, and carefully wraps the scarf around Blaine’s neck. “There,” he says as he lets his hands glide down Blaine’s shoulders.
“Thank you,” Blaine whispers, muffled even more by the snow on the ground, and the snowflakes falling gently around them. He drops his head, doesn’t dare look up.
“Are you leaving already?” Kurt asks, tilting his head a little, trying to catch Blaine’s eye. “I had hoped we could catch up, maybe.” He looks at him expectantly, a little smile playing around his mouth.
Blaine doesn’t even know how to respond to that. “Kurt, I’m not sure this is a good i-” he stops himself, tries again. “I’m not sure I can handle being around you yet,” he whispers. “I am so glad you’re doing well, but I am far from that.” His voice breaks a little at that, but he still raises his head, and is surprised by the warmth in Kurt’s eyes.
“Blaine,” Kurt starts, and Blaine is surprised when Kurt’s strong hand clasps around his own. “Blaine, there is no new boyfriend. I haven’t even looked at anyone since- well, you know. I couldn’t.” Kurt breathes out and Blaine realizes that Kurt seems kind of nervous, too.
“No?”
“No.” Kurt shakes his head.
“No Prince Charming then,” Blaine smiles.
“Well, that has yet to be determined,” Kurt answers with a wink.
Blaine can’t stop the smile from getting bigger. “Would you like to have coffee with me? Now?”
“I would love to,” Kurt smiles and squeezes Blaine’s hand.
“Alright,” Blaine says, and starts walking into the direction of where he thinks the nearest coffee shop is. His heart beats wildly, but not because he is sick to his stomach with anxiety. It’s- Kurt stops and Blaine is pulled back. He finds himself within an inch of Kurt’s face. “I’ve missed you so much,” Kurt whispers, cradling Blaine’s cheek with his other hand. “We’ve been so stupid.”
And then his lips are on Blaine’s, a gentle press at first. Blaine reaches out to draw Kurt closer by his waist. His surprised “oh” lets Blaine deepen the kiss, his tongue tasting the sweetness of Kurt’s mouth that he has missed so, so much. With just one kiss he feels whole again. He can’t keep from smiling into the kiss.
As the snowflakes keep falling, they don’t care about what’s around them. This is just them. KurtandBlaine again.
~Fin~
Summary: Blaine breaks up with Kurt in October. This is what happens when he sees him again two days before Christmas.
Characters: Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, New Directions, MOC
Rating: PG-13 (barely)
Word Count: 3,500
Warnings: Spoilers for what apparently happens in season 4. Fluff. A bit of angst.
Beta: The lovely collidingminds.
They don’t run into each other at Mr. Shue’s wedding. Blaine has a sudden case of family emergency and he is very, very sorry, but he makes sure that Sam knows the lyrics to all of Blaine’s lines for the big number at the reception; makes sure that the New Directions will shine without him.
“Are you certain you can’t come?”, Sam inquires for what feels like the 50th time two days before the thing. But Blaine just shakes his head. “No, I told you, it’s my grandmother, she isn’t feeling well.”
“I thought you said it was your aunt?”
“Y- Yeah, she, too. Both of them. Major bout of the flu. And Grandma is old so..” He trails off, waves his hand, and looks away.
“Sure, bro.” Sam claps an awkward hand on Blaine’s shoulder and resumes his training.
Over the holiday break, there are enough parties and get-togethers at different houses that he can still skirt around any awkward run-ins with the boy he broke up with not even three months earlier. It’s not like he thinks it wasn’t the right thing to do. He knows it was. Kurt doesn’t need his silly little high school boyfriend tying him down to a place Kurt despises. He also doesn’t need him while he is running around New York, experiencing life to the fullest. Kurt doesn’t need him, period.
He feels justified when he is sitting next to Rachel in Tina’s room where he was just supposed to spend a quiet afternoon with his glee club co-captain, when Rachel suddenly showed up to invite them to her annual holiday fête the following day, which they accepted politely. Rachel wouldn’t be Rachel though if she didn’t at once start talking about her accomplishments.
“Oh, yes, life in New York is just grand! But you’ve seen it, Blaine, when you visited. Do you remember that little café we went to...”
Blaine tunes out, tries to ignore what Rachel is rattling off next to him, nodding from time to time, and draws his legs up, wrapping his arms around them. Until he hears a name that will probably always make his heart flutter.
“... and Kurt! His new boyfriend is ah-mah-zing!” Rachel says in this kind of really annoying accent. “He brings him flowers to his office every day, he serenades him, and oh my god,” she nearly hyperventilates, “he is tall, with broad shoulders, and the most handsome face. A bit like that Olympian we were crushing on last summer. Well, he is on the university’s rowing team after all,” she smiles the sweetest smile expectantly up at Blaine, who presses his lips tightly together, trying to drag up the corners of his mouth with all his might.
Tina next to him is secretly reaching for his hand, squeezing it in her much smaller one. She is also shuffling closer to him, almost wrapping him up in her arms. Blaine wants to kiss her for sensing his discomfort and calming him effectively with her presence. He doesn’t know what he would do without her. He makes a mental note to remember to tell her more often how much he appreciates her friendship.
“Well,” Tina now pipes up behind him, “I am certainly glad, Kurt is moving on as well. Blaine here has had quite a few of wonderful dates already. He only has to choose which one of the cute boys he wants to-”
“Tina,” Blaine interjects more sharply than he intended to, “don’t-” He isn’t sure how to continue. He looks at his hands that are still clasped around his legs, tries to continue. “That’s not quite true, actually. There- there hasn’t been anyone since.” He pauses, forces himself to look up at Rachel’s ear at least, if not her eyes. “But I’m happy for Kurt.” He nods slowly, taking a long breath, wets his lips.
The room feels too stuffy all of a sudden, his heart too heavy. Rachel reminds him too much of that heartbreaking fall evening in New York. “I should go,” he turns to Tina, quickly grabbing his things, smoothing down his pants. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asks, and is out of the door before either woman can say anything.
“See you at my house tomorrow, Blaine!” he hears Rachel shout from Tina’s window and turns to see her waving at him. He waves back and vanishes in his car, driving slowly away from Tina’s house.
It has been less than three months since they broke up. More accurately, it has been 79 days, 6 hours, and, he checks his watch, 47 minutes. Blaine is happy for Kurt. This is, after all, what he wanted for him when he broke up with Kurt. It’s just.. well, he didn’t think that Kurt would have found that Prince Charming quite as quickly. Then again, this is Kurt, who, as far as Blaine is concerned, is a Prince Charming in his own right and deserves all the fucking best.
As he is trudging through the snow to get from his car to his house, Blaine’s heart starts racing. He looks up to his window and is reminded of lazy hours spent in his room at this time last year, gentle lips exploring his body, and he shivers.
Blaine aches with longing for those days. He wishes it would still be him walking hand in hand with Kurt, still him that Kurt whispers sweet nothings to over coffee, still him that Kurt is fucking gently into, drawing him closer into his arms, while the sun sets on Lima. But there’s a new guy who has all of that and more with Kurt.
Kurt is no longer his, never will be again. And it kills Blaine that Kurt could move on so fast from what they had.
There are tears that apparently want to be shed, but he’s refusing to cry. He has cried enough about losing Kurt. This was his decision. His very own solution to the heartbreak that was sure to descend on him with Kurt in New York. His heart broke nonetheless and Blaine thinks that this might be actually worse than if he had just tried making long distance work. He has a feeling though that Kurt would have noticed Blaine’s shortcomings sooner or later and would have dumped him anyway.
He races to his room and buries himself underneath a heap of blankets, falling asleep to some radio talk show on current events.
When Blaine wakes up eight hours later, his mind is at once alert with the things that he has to get through today. There is the holiday party, functioning as a New Directions reunion at Rachel’s dads’ house. So, he’ll have to endure an endless stream of How are you, dude? and possibly also a lot of explaining as to why he and Kurt have split. Former and current members of New Directions aren’t exactly known for their tact.
But that isn’t what is stressing him out the most. He has a well prepared set of answers to those questions. However, he doesn’t feel prepared at all to be in Kurt’s presence again.
Blaine rubs his eyes and drags himself out of bed. When he comes back from the bathroom, he stands for what feels like forever in front of his wardrobe. He doesn’t know what to wear to Rachel’s shingding. Ruffling through his hair doesn’t help at all. It will just make his hair look frizzier. “Hm,” he ponders several options. He could go with his dark jeans and a maroon sweater. But that outfit and Rachel’s house stir up unwelcome memories. He could go with his new- no, he shakes his head at himself. Why is he even doing this? There’s nobody there he wants to impress. He hasn’t really paid attention to his outfits these past 79 days. So why should he start again now? Blaine pulls out his dark blue skinny jeans, a white and red striped shirt and his dark grey cardigan. This will do. He’ll still look less unkempt than most boys in attendance. Well, all but one. He is sure that Kurt will look his most radiant.
He scrunches up his face. Again, Kurt is at the top of his mind. Blaine swears to himself that he well get through this afternoon at Rachel’s with as few scars as possible and stop drowning in self-pity starting January 1.
Blaine doesn’t eat breakfast, can’t really will himself to swallow anything with how his stomach is in knots, but he drowns two cups of coffee. After that, he showers for twenty minutes. Limbs loose, feeling a bit drowsy, he attempts to shave, but cuts himself on the second drag down his neck. “Fuck,” he swears and scrambles for a band-aid. His cut stings a bit when he let’s water run over it, but it helps him clear his head. Putting the band-aid over the cut, he wishes he cut just put a band-aid over his heart so as to not seem to broken this afternoon or splutter out things he’d better bury deep inside himself. He doesn’t want to make more of a fool of himself as he’ll probably do anyway. No need to remind Kurt why it was good for them to part.
He wonders if Kurt’s new boyfriend will be there, too. His heart feels heavy at the thought and he finds himself praying to whatever deity will choose to listen to him, that Prince Charming won’t make an appearance. Blaine thinks that he can maybe deal with this as long as that new man in Kurt’s life is merely a thing of Rachel’s stories. He’d rather not see a picture or the man himself - although his brain is playing tricks on him, coming up with all of ridiculously attractive men holding Kurt’s hand and- no. He has to stop doing that, for his own benefit.
A couple of hours later, after getting dressed and gelling his hair, after an impromptu sing-off with himself and after another two cups of coffee, he is standing in front of Rachel Berry’s house, debating whether or not to ring the doorbell. His hands are still in his coat, and he’s drawing another steadying breath, when there’s a hand on his shoulder. Blaine lets out a little scream and turns around to find Tina and Mike laughing behind him. He really hadn’t heard them approach over the thoughts running through his mind.
Mike scoops him up in a hug. Blaine has missed Mike these past few months. Tina comes around to hug him from the other side, turning them effectively into a perfect hugging pile, and mumbles something into his scarf that he can’t quite make out.
“Sorry?” Blaine asks her, turning his head a little.
“Are you ready to face the ex?” She is trying to joke him out of his nervousness, he knows. Tina is exceptionally good at that kind of thing.
So he decides to play along. “Yes, ma’am, razor cut and heart all patched up with band-aid. Maybe I should put on some war paint though. What do you think?”
“Meh, your gelmet will do. And hiding will be difficult with or without war paint. No need to disguise your handsome face, my friend.” She smiles warmly at him and pats his cheeck.
“Let’s go inside, guys, I’m freezing,” Mike interjects and moves to knock on the door, which opens before he can even touch it. “Whoa, okay. Hi, there, Rachel Berry!” he laughs, as a radiant Rachel is revealed and ushers them inside. They hang up their coats and proceed after Rachel into the basement.
The party is already in full bloom as they descend the stairs and Blaine finds himself smiling at the memory of a rather disastrous night that had ended up for him with a sleep-over in Kurt’s bed. Oh, fuck this, he scolds himself. No more wading the waters of what has been. When he makes contact with the last step, a set of arms is already flung around his neck and he finds Santana hugging him. She must clearly be inebriated already or she wouldn’t be squeezing him as much as she is, mumbling about how much she had been looking forward to seeing her favorite hobbit again.
“You’re looking good, Blainers,” Santana says quietly. “I was worried, you know? So tell me, what the fuck happened to you and Hummel over there?”, she nods into the far corner where Blaine comes face to face with a set of blue-green eyes much earlier than he thought. He smiles tightly at Kurt and waves awkwardly. Kurt waves back, and turns back to his conversation with Mercedes.
Blaine’s whole body is humming. He desperately wants to go over, hold Kurt in his arms and bury his face in his neck. Kurt’s profile looks even more distinguished to him now. But that’s what Blaine had already expected to happen.
Blaine sighs, looks back to Santana, proceeding to free himself. “I told you, we broke up.” His voice catches a bit.
“Yeah, but why? You never told me why.”
“It- look, Santana, I’d rather not discuss this here. Let’s catch up over coffee some time? My treat?”
“Hm, yes, good. Let’s do that.” She squeezes him one more time, before she’s off to hug Mike and Tina.
The rest of the following two hours is spent mingling with New Directions members, old and new, always making sure that he doesn’t stray too close to Kurt. Who looks dashing, by the way, in his simple charcoal pants, white shirt, red cardigan. Hair swooped up in a perfect curve. Blaine, of course, doesn’t openly stare at him. But he manages to sneak a glance here and there.
When he finds it more and more difficult to hold up his part in a conversation with Mr Shue about possible songs for Regionals, he excuses himself to the restroom.
Blaine, with another glance at Kurt, sneaks up the stairs and quickly vanishes into the restroom. He locks the door, and scoots down to sit on the floor. Blaine can feel his heart racing, damn those last two cups of coffee. Damn not eating at all all day long. Damn- no. He can’t blame this on Kurt. It’s all him and his anxiety now. Blaine lies down, puts a hand over his belly and breathes in counting slowly to four. He can feel his hand rise with the air filling him up. He breathes out again.
1
2
3
4
He repeats the exercise three times as advised by Mrs Schuester a couple of weeks ago when his nerves got the better of him shortly before Sectionals.
He feels calmer already. But with the calm comes the realization that he has been a coward today. He hasn’t manned up (but he only ever could with Kurt by his side, so..) to at least say a proper hello to Kurt, or to congratulate him on finding someone new. He closes his eyes for a moment and resolves to do just that. He will walk out of that bathroom and be pleasant and polite to Kurt. They used to be friends. He should be able to do this. Yes, he will be able to do this in a dignified manner.
When Puck starts pounding against the door, Blaine quickly stands up, flushes the toilet to keep up appearances and washes his hands. One last look into the mirror and he is out of the bathroom and almost floating down the staircase. Which is why he almost collides with Kurt mid-staircase. He manages to hold onto the banister and puts a steadying grip on Kurt’s arm. And just like that his heart is back in his throat, pounding as if to jump right out. He drops Kurt’s arm when he is sure that he won’t fall down the stairs.
With his heart practically on his tongue, he rushes out “Kurt!” in greeting, “hi, hi, how are you?”, and hopes his smile doesn’t resemble a carnival clown’s. Blaine breathes and waits.
“Blaine,” Kurt acknowledges him, and Blaine wants to die with hearing his name rolling off that tongue again. “I’m.. well. Thank you. You?” He asks all quiet and composed and, oh, Blaine wants to bang his head against the wall next to them. He is too close, much too close. Blaine takes a step up the stairs which puts him at a weird angle in relation to Kurt.
“Oh, you, know, boring high school stories, same old, same old. It’s nothing you’d want to hear about,” he squeezes the words out, making a kind of half step back down one stair. “I.. Kurt- I just-” Blaine can’t get out what he wants to say. He clenches his hand releases it again, breathes deeply in, squares his jaw. He is ready. He can do this. “Kurt, Rachel has told me about your new b-boyfriend. Congratulations! That’s amazing!” He’s being too bright, too loud, too cheerful, he knows that; can deduct it from how Kurt is looking at him with pity. Blaine clears his throat. “You deserve nothing but the best,” he adds much calmer, tries another smile. But he can’t take the look in Kurt’s eyes, doesn’t know how to deal with the sudden quiet. “I’m glad you could move on.” Blaine nods, as if to put more emphasis on his words.
But then, with another look at Kurt’s face, eyebrows raised, eyes boring into him, bottom lip drawn in, the band-aid on his heart rips, making the stupid thing drop to the bottom of his belly. He can’t be out of there fast enough. Blaine turns around and dashes back up the stairs, manages to grab his coat from the hanger and is out of the house in a matter of seconds.
“Well, that went well,” he mumbles and kicks a forgotten ball in the snow. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. You idiot,” he scolds himself, as he walks swiftly down the street. “At least he can gladly say he escaped a relationship with a maniac-”
“I won’t,” a soft voice behind him says.
Blaine wheels around. And there he is: Kurt. Pristine pea coat, wrapping his scarf around his beautiful neck.
“You forgot your scarf.” Kurt says and makes a step forward. But instead of handing it to him, he gets that much closer, making Blaine breathe in the scent of his soap and aftershave, and carefully wraps the scarf around Blaine’s neck. “There,” he says as he lets his hands glide down Blaine’s shoulders.
“Thank you,” Blaine whispers, muffled even more by the snow on the ground, and the snowflakes falling gently around them. He drops his head, doesn’t dare look up.
“Are you leaving already?” Kurt asks, tilting his head a little, trying to catch Blaine’s eye. “I had hoped we could catch up, maybe.” He looks at him expectantly, a little smile playing around his mouth.
Blaine doesn’t even know how to respond to that. “Kurt, I’m not sure this is a good i-” he stops himself, tries again. “I’m not sure I can handle being around you yet,” he whispers. “I am so glad you’re doing well, but I am far from that.” His voice breaks a little at that, but he still raises his head, and is surprised by the warmth in Kurt’s eyes.
“Blaine,” Kurt starts, and Blaine is surprised when Kurt’s strong hand clasps around his own. “Blaine, there is no new boyfriend. I haven’t even looked at anyone since- well, you know. I couldn’t.” Kurt breathes out and Blaine realizes that Kurt seems kind of nervous, too.
“No?”
“No.” Kurt shakes his head.
“No Prince Charming then,” Blaine smiles.
“Well, that has yet to be determined,” Kurt answers with a wink.
Blaine can’t stop the smile from getting bigger. “Would you like to have coffee with me? Now?”
“I would love to,” Kurt smiles and squeezes Blaine’s hand.
“Alright,” Blaine says, and starts walking into the direction of where he thinks the nearest coffee shop is. His heart beats wildly, but not because he is sick to his stomach with anxiety. It’s- Kurt stops and Blaine is pulled back. He finds himself within an inch of Kurt’s face. “I’ve missed you so much,” Kurt whispers, cradling Blaine’s cheek with his other hand. “We’ve been so stupid.”
And then his lips are on Blaine’s, a gentle press at first. Blaine reaches out to draw Kurt closer by his waist. His surprised “oh” lets Blaine deepen the kiss, his tongue tasting the sweetness of Kurt’s mouth that he has missed so, so much. With just one kiss he feels whole again. He can’t keep from smiling into the kiss.
As the snowflakes keep falling, they don’t care about what’s around them. This is just them. KurtandBlaine again.
~Fin~