Fic: Beautifully Wrong (5A/12)

[ilovescarves89]

Media: Fic
Title: Beautifully Wrong 
Author: Luca
Rating: NC-17 (overall and to be safe - most of it stays in PG-13 territory)
Characters: ftm!Blaine, Kurt, Blaine's parents, Cooper, Sebastian, Trent, various ND members, non-major OCs.
Spoilers: Up to 3.22 to be safe. Canon up to 3.05 and largely canon compliant beyond that (with some notable exceptions

Comments

Question

[whitesheepcbd]

Once again, great update. Still really enjoying this story and looking forward to your next post.

There's a question I've been meaning to ask though. And I'll preface this by saying that I know very little about transgender issues, or transitioning, etc.

Having established my ignorance, here's my question. I would assume that anyone who decides to change gender--in this case from female to male--would want to embrace everything about their new gender, including the dating preferences of their new gender. The majority of men are attracted to women, and in spite of increased acceptance toward the gay community, I think that's still what society considers the 'norm'.

So.....in your story you have a girl who feels like and wants to be a boy. And yet, when he starts living as a boy, he wants to date other boys. He's both transgender AND gay. You've addressed his coming out to his parents about being transgender, but not about being attracted to boys. Unless I've forgotten, but all I can remember is the one comment from the younger cousin when she sees the picture of Kurt. ("Oh, you're gay.") So it seems to me that Blaine would have had two coming-outs. Furthermore, I'd expect someone along the way to ask him, 'if you want to date boys, why don't you stay a girl?'

I rambled a bit there, and I hope it wasn't too confusing. I'm just curious about the complex question of a teenager dealing both with being transgender, AND with being attracted to the same gender that they're transitioning to. Hope that makes sense.

Re: Question

[ilovescarves89]

Thank you for your question. I could probably write a small essay on this topic, but I shall try to keep it brief and not get too soapboxy.

A lot of people assume that to be trans you must be straight - i.e. be attracted only to females for ftms and to males for mtfs - which is just not true. Trans people can be just as gay/bi/asexual/what-have-you as cis (non-trans) people. Gender and sexuality are two different things; one is who you want to go to bed with, the other is who you want to go to bed as. Unfortunately some people try to mix the two together when they shouldn't (e.g. the official treatment center in my country, which means that I and many many other transpeople I know can't get help through the official channels). Same goes for gender expression. Not all transmen are butch. Not all transwomen are femme. As far as "embracing everything about their new gender" - well, I for one certainly don't. There are plenty of things about the stereotypical male that I don't embrace or identify with, but then I'm pretty sure that goes for plenty of cis men as well, and it has very little to do with whether or not I'm male. And it makes me really really sad when people think they have to fit into these neat little boxes in order to be accepted. We didn't leave one closet only to be shoved into another.

(I'm sorry if that turned out a little ranty, not ranting at you, just in general - this topic is very close to my heart because this misunderstanding played a significant role in delaying the realization/coming out process for me.)

As far as this story goes - there is more to come on the topic of Blaine's sexuality and gender expression (last mentioned in ch. 4.2 relation to Blaine's relationship with his father), but it isn't where the main conflict comes from (in fact in my head Blaine's realization that I'm gay was utterly undramatic because who cares when being trans is so much "worse"?) so hence the lack of focus.

I hope that was at least somewhat understandable, but if not feel free to ask me to clarify. :)

Re: Question

[whitesheepcbd]

Thank you for answering, and now that I realize how strongly you feel about this topic, I hope I didn't come across as narrow-minded. As I said, I fully admit to being ignorant on this topic and I'm just trying to understand.

You answered my initial question, but if I can ask one more, about the terminology. When the words 'transman' or 'transwoman' are used, do 'man' and 'woman' refer to the gender they started as, or the gender they're transitioning to?

Re: Question

[ilovescarves89]

No worries, the fact that you asked the question at all proves to me that you aren't narrow-minded. You could have said "This is garbage! A person can't possibly be trans AND gay!" - now THAT would have made me frown. xD Generally as long as people are willing to learn, it's all good in my book.

I understand how it could be confusing (I myself was once rather ignorant and confused about these things) but it always always always refers to the gender a person sees themselves as. Trans people are trying to get away from their biological gender, so it would make no sense to refer to themselves in terms of that. FTMs are transmen, MTFs are transwomen.