annoyed again.
So I got back after spending christmas eve evening and christmas morning with my other family in Neenah and it was nice. It usually is. It's a bright spot most of the time, whenever I visit, for various reasons, but nothing to write home about. I have a persona when I'm there that's easy to play and it isn't normally too taxing to be there. Not more than anywhere else for a large portion of time. The only problem is the bullshit my mom pulls. She starts acting even more needy and desperate and it's pathetic. She already pulls guilt trippy bullshit on me and having her act like I'm abandoning her for them whenever I visit the others. Like, all of a sudden I'm gonna tell her to fuck off just because I spent time with parental/family-ish figures. She'll post things on social media, acting possessive and haughty as fuck, or text me garbage, and it only gets amped up when she feels threatened. Plus, I found out, she's been asking other people if they think I'm gay, behind my back. Seriously. How much bullshit do I have to put up with with her? If she's not focused on herself and what she needs/wants, and not listening to me, she's pulling this shit. I understand that she has her own problems, but I've had to put up with this shit for years, and it's not gotten any better. The benefit of all that experience though, is that I know how to deal with her. I know not to get my hopes up with her. I can't tell her anything, because she doesn't listen, turns it around to herself, or pretends she understands something only to ask about it later, as if we hadn't already discussed it, ie. my lack of interest in dating. I've had so many fucking conversations with her that are just a merry go round of bullshit. Pretty much all my convos with her are. So that's how I know to not expect her to know anything about me, and why I'm not surprised when she pulls the same shit or asks the same questions over and over again. I've told her point blank some things, only to have her twist it and either dodge it or forget it. It's tiring being with her, when I know our relationship is based on bullshit. Another problem is that she thinks having a serious conversation, where I express that I'm not 100% okay with her or with how certain things are going, is an attack and then she tries to run away from it, making me look like an asshole. I don't think that we have a substantial bond in any way, but I have to pretend otherwise. And I also have a duty to her, as my mother, despite how much I feel she doesn't deserve the title.