So is this therapy working?
I hate watching people I know die slowly inside. I hate it more when I actually like them and care for them, but can't do jackshit because my intentions are misunderstood. There is a way to actually be a friend without wanting to secretly fuck someone, you know. There's more to life than ones own selfish desires or needs. I am not going to say I'm above all that, because that is why I cry and hurt myself, but I feel this amazing peace that the people around me don't seem to have. Except for one, because she's amazing. But, I digress. I've actually been able to move past what I want or need from someone else and let them do their own thing without placing unreasonable expectations on them. Just because you feel something or want something doesn't mean you should get it or deserve it. It just means you feel. If that was true, this world's human race would be even more gluttinous than it already is. There is being true to yourself and considering yourself right or deserving. That is just selfishness that people hope will make them feel better. And I fucking hate it. I've looked straight in love's eyes and told it that I didn't need it, which killed me and my arm, and not regretted it. Maybe I'm just jealous because I feel like I have nothing, but I wouldn't change it, because I know, that what's truly best for others, is what motivates my thinking process when it comes to decisions regarding others. But why can't others do that? It's really NOT that fucking hard.