Jasmine's getting into the season!
I thought I'd share some of my favorite Christmas songs! :D
Bob Rivers - Twelve Pains of Christmas
The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree
The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Angry husband:
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Man getting over being drunk:
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Exhausted man:
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Nervous wife:
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree
The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Nervous wife's husband:
The Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez!
I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree
The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
Whining kid:
I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!
Charities,
And whataya mean "YOUR in-laws"?!?
Five months of bills!
Oh, making out these cards
Honey, get me a beer, huh?
What, we have no extension cords?!?
And finding a Christmas tree
The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
A tired father:
Finding parking spaces
DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!
Donations!
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers!
Now why the hell are they blinking?!?!?
And finding a Christmas tree
Weird Al - Its Christmas At Ground Zero
It's Christmas at ground zero
There's music in the air
The sleigh bells are ringing and the carolers are singing
While the air raid sirens blare
It's Christmas at ground zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know
That this is not a test
Everywhere the atom bombs are dropping
It's the end of all humanity
No more time for last-minute shopping
It's time to face your final destiny
It's Christmas at ground zero
There's panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
Underneath the mushroom cloud
You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop
Or Jack Frost on your windowsill
But if someone's climbing down your chimney
You better load your gun and shoot to kill
It's Christmas at ground zero
And if the radiation level's okay
I'll go out with you and see all the new
Mutations on New Year's Day
It's Christmas at ground zero
Just seconds left to go
I'll duck and cover with my Yuletide lover
Underneath the mistletoe
It's Christmas at ground zero
Now the missiles are on their way
What a crazy fluke, we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday
What a crazy fluke, we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday!
Bob Rivers - Toy Sack
(Parody of Love Shack by The B-52s)
If you look up in the sky
On the night before Christmas
There’s a big fat guy with a
Toy sack
Toy sack yeah yeah
It’s squeezing down through your fireplace
Christmas Day
A million Barbie dolls packed away
Boxed up in a sack on a sleigh
That jingle bell parka is as big as a whale
They put everything into the toy sack
They shove in a Chrysler
And a TV from Sony
So hurry up and pack that Shetland pony
The toy sack is a magical place
Where Santa puts the presents
Toy sack Baby
This sack’s heavy
Toy sack
Break Santa’s back
Call a chiropractor
Crack Santa’s back
Lugging and tuggin
Huffin and puffin
Reachin’ in the bag
There’s an Easy-Bake Oven
Now back up the chimney
Yeah it’s straining Santa’s jimmies
That sack’s not skinny
But every year he lugs it
Around and around and around and around
Reindeer are hoofin’
There ain’t no time for goofin baby
Elves linin’ up to pack toys for your town
Bag is always movin
Somethin’s in there poopin’ baby
Puppies in the sack
There’s puppies in the sack
The toy sack is a magical place
Where Santa puts the presents
Toy sack baby
Toy sack baby
Have a what
Merry
Christmas
Toy Sack
Santa’s toy sack
Toy Sack
Santa’s Toy Sack
Baby
Have a Merry Christmas
That’s a lot of presents in the Toy Sack
I know the words to this one better than the real song! lmao
Bob Rivers: (Parody of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)
The restroom door said gentlemen
So I just walked inside
I took two steps and realized
I'd been taken for a ride
I heard high voices turned and found
The place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse
What could be worse
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse?
The restroom door said gentlemen
It must have been a gag
As soon as I walked in there
I ran into some old hag
She sprayed me with a can of mace
And smacked me with her bag
I could tell this just wouldn't be my day
What can I say?
It was just turning out to be day
The restroom door said gentlemen
And I would like to find
The crummy little creep who had the nerve
To switch the signs
'Cause I got two black eyes
And one high heel up my behind
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy
Boy oh boy
No I'll never sit with comfort and joy
(Parody of The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire) by Nat King Cole)
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
Hot sauce dripping from their toes
(�Oh! That tickles!�)
Yuletide squirrels fresh filleted by the choir
They poked hot skewers through their nose
(�Ow! Wrong end, ya cowboy!�)
Everybody knows some pepper and a garlic clove
Help to make them seasoned right
Tiny rats with a crisp golden coat
Will really hit the spot tonight
And now when Santa sees his tray
(�Ho ho ho ho ho ho�)
There�ll be some homemade chipmunk jerky for his sleigh
(�Mmmm�Hey, look at that!�)
And every hungry child is gonna spy
To see if chipmunks really sing when they fry
And so I�m brushing on some honey glaze
To keep them crisp and juicy too
Let�s hope they get served many times many ways
Tasty Chipmunks, good food
�On that� Mr. Cole?�
�Yes, sir. Mr. Seville?�
�Would you mind handing me the barbeque sauce? I am starved!�
�Oh! No problem Dave. Hey listen, you best be havin� two of those drumsticks, �cause they�re oh-so tiny and there ain�t much meat upon �em�
�What about animal rights, Dave?�
�Put a sock in it Melvin�
�You know, for years people said you over-rated hamsters were my meal ticket. Now I guess you could just say you�re my meal!�
�That�s a good one, Dave�I always knew you was the funny one in the group!�
�Damn straight!�
And so I'm offering some recipes
From chipmunk pie to chipmunk stew
I�m not really sad that it ended this way
Furry chipmunks screw you
�Did you hear that Melvin? Melvin? Melvin? Mellllviiiiin?"
�Why, I�m sorry Dave, did you want Melvin? There�s plenty of Thagadore left though��
Rosie O'Donnell and Gloria Estefan - Gonna Eat For Christmas
Rosie:
Don't want tinsel, don't want bows
Don't want Rudolph's shiny nose
I'm gonna eat for Christmas
Gloria:
From my diet I will stray
But I'll workout the next day (Oh what a shock!)
Gonna eat for Christmas
Both:
It's a time for giving
Rosie:
Won't you give me mashed potatoes and ham?
Both:
It's a time for sharing
Gloria:
Are you gonna polish off those yams?
Rosie: You mean these?
Gloria: No?
Rosie: Yes I am
Rosie:
I don't say this to be nice
I'll have more black beans and rice
Gonna eat for Christmas
Gloria:
At the family shindig
Gonna be the Christmas pig
Both:
But I'll leave some room
Gloria:
I'm planning quite a buffet
Rosie:
Please don't throw away
Both:
That leftover food
Santa gave us some advice
To be naughty's very nice
Cause when you're stuffed
It'll always feel like
Christmas to you!
Rosie: Oh, that was exhausting, oh we got a break now?
Gloria: Oh, yeah
Rosie: I am so hungry Glo, what'ya got?
Gloria: Put down that sandwich
Rosie: Well, do you have anything...
Gloria: You can't eat now
Rosie: I can eat this now
Gloria: No, there's no time
Rosie: How much time do we have?
Gloria: We're almost going to sing now..
Rosie: Let me just..wait..I can swallow..you take the first part
Gloria: Get her some water for god sake
Rosie: I'll join you, go.
Gloria:
There's a twinkle in my eye
For a piece of pumpkin pie
Gonna eat for Christmas
Rosie:
If I eat one more soufflé
I won't fit in Santa's sleigh
Both:
I'll be filled with gloom
Gloria:
To face the scale the next day
Is no holiday
We'll sing a different tune (you know it)
Gloria:
Take advantage while we may
Rosie:
Let's pig out on Christmas!
Bob Rivers and Richard Simmons - Its the Most Fattening Time Of The Year
It’s the most fattening time of the year
With that pumpkin pie filling
and everyone swilling down eggnog and beer
It’s the most fattening time of the year
It’s the lip smackingest season of all
while your shopping you’re cheating
impulsively eating that junk at the mall
It’s the heav-heaviest season of all
There’ll be turkeys for basting
and stuffing for tasting
and giblets and gravy will flow
there’ll be cookies that mom baked
and leftover fruit cake from a christmas a long time ago
it’s the scale flattening time of the year
while your diet you’re blowing
there’s calories going straight down to your rear
it’s the scale flattening time of the year
there’ll be after meal dosing
and arteries closing
cholesterol levels will grow
it’s too cold to go jogging
to brisk for tobogganing
so pass me a hot buttered roll
It’s the most fattening time of the year
All those gingerbread shingles and
chocolate Chris Kringle’s will tremble in fear
It’s the most fattening time,
it’s the belt loosening time,
it’s the most fattening time of the year
Bob Rivers - Buttcracker Suite
(Parody of Nutcracker Suite)
“Thong March”
Thong
What a delightful gift idea
Thong
Magical shorts that disappear
Buy your loved one this noel
The kind of gift you can’t resell
Because it kind of smells
If someone else has tried it on
Thong
You could be dancing cheek to cheek
Thong
Wiggle the string play hide and seek
Buy your workmate or your boss
The proctologic dental floss
That really works a hair across
His astronomic bum
Thong
“Dance of the Plumber Fairy”
See the repair man go
Tink-a-tink, tink-a-tink, tink-a-tink
Working on the sink
Bending way down low
See the big tool belt go
Slippy-slip, slippy-slip, slippy-slip
Sliding down his hip
Say it isn’t so
See the rear cleavage go
Peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo
Cheekie sneaking through
See ya at so ‘n so
See the plumber
Doesn’t even show
What a bummer
Get a dial tone
Called a number
On the telephone
Hire someone else
“Wedgie Dance”
Lunge!
Spin around and stretch and lunge
And Leap!
Do a kick and shake your buns
And fix those wedgies everyone
Let’s go!
Twirl!
Double dip and somersault
ThenSplit!
Shuffle back and twist and fall
And fix those wedgies
Fix those wedgies
Let’s go people
Fix those wedgies
Cracks are flyin’ just keep pryin’
And pull
Pull hard!
And pull
Pull hard!
And pull
Pull hard those leotards!
“Waltz of the Buttcrackers”
Please just say no to crack
When you spot butt crack attack
You can see a trucker change a tire
Or a cable worker fix a wire
Let him know his bottom line is looking out
Somehow you don’t admire it
So everybody please just say no to crack
Give all those crack backs a sack
If you see a plumber show a breach
Or a tubby hubby on a beach
Sneak right up behind his back and strike a match and drop the burning sulfur right between his cheeks
Because as sure as pants and men surround us
Cracks are all around us
Slacks fall to the ground as
Miles and miles of spoil going up and down
Everybody
Don’t be unbound near a crowd get a grip
Fix your drawers
Every Fall ride along take ‘em back
To the stores
Show some class and hide that massive astronomic butt crack
Get in the truck
Cover the crack
Gimme the thong
Hurry along
Buttcracker’s joys are sweet
This next song I DO NOT know the lyrics to the real song but I know every word to this one. Hah.
All You Need Is Elves
(Parody of All You Need Is Love by The Beatles)
Elves, elves, elves
Elves, elves, elves
Elves, elves, elves
Santa doesn�t shop at Toys �R� Us
Doesn�t have to fight the Christmas rush
He�s never out of stock of even the hardest toys and games
It�s easy
Nothing in his sack he really made
No one gets forgotten Christmas day
So if you wanna know how he gets it done in the knick of time
It�s easy
All you need is elves
That�s us!
All you need is elves
The little people.
All you need is elves, Love
Elves are all you need
Toys �R� Elves
All toys are made by elves.
Elves, elves, elves
There�s nothing we can�t make.
Elves, elves, elves
Do you have any idea how hard it is to make a 64-bit video system out of wood?
Ho, ho, let me tell you, it ain�t easy.
No kidding!
Tell me about it!
All you need is elves
All you need is elves
We�re non-union labor.
All you need is elves, Love
Elves are all you need
Nothing you can know not much is known
Cause no one�s ever caught one in his home
They�re never really seen but that doesn�t mean that they�re make believe
They�re teensy
Hey! Watch where you�re stepping, you big freak!
All you need is elves
All you need is elves
We�re too short for Space Mountain.
All you need is elves, Love
Elves are all you need
Elves are all you need
Elves are all you need
Elves are all you need
Elves are all you need�
He loves you, ho, ho, ho.
He loves you, ho....
Bob Rivers - Twelve Pains of Christmas
The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree
The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Angry husband:
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Man getting over being drunk:
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Exhausted man:
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Nervous wife:
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree
The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Nervous wife's husband:
The Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez!
I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree
The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
Whining kid:
I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!
Charities,
And whataya mean "YOUR in-laws"?!?
Five months of bills!
Oh, making out these cards
Honey, get me a beer, huh?
What, we have no extension cords?!?
And finding a Christmas tree
The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
A tired father:
Finding parking spaces
DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!
Donations!
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers!
Now why the hell are they blinking?!?!?
And finding a Christmas tree
Weird Al - Its Christmas At Ground Zero
It's Christmas at ground zero
There's music in the air
The sleigh bells are ringing and the carolers are singing
While the air raid sirens blare
It's Christmas at ground zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know
That this is not a test
Everywhere the atom bombs are dropping
It's the end of all humanity
No more time for last-minute shopping
It's time to face your final destiny
It's Christmas at ground zero
There's panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
Underneath the mushroom cloud
You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop
Or Jack Frost on your windowsill
But if someone's climbing down your chimney
You better load your gun and shoot to kill
It's Christmas at ground zero
And if the radiation level's okay
I'll go out with you and see all the new
Mutations on New Year's Day
It's Christmas at ground zero
Just seconds left to go
I'll duck and cover with my Yuletide lover
Underneath the mistletoe
It's Christmas at ground zero
Now the missiles are on their way
What a crazy fluke, we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday
What a crazy fluke, we're gonna get nuked
On this jolly holiday!
Bob Rivers - Toy Sack
(Parody of Love Shack by The B-52s)
If you look up in the sky
On the night before Christmas
There’s a big fat guy with a
Toy sack
Toy sack yeah yeah
It’s squeezing down through your fireplace
Christmas Day
A million Barbie dolls packed away
Boxed up in a sack on a sleigh
That jingle bell parka is as big as a whale
They put everything into the toy sack
They shove in a Chrysler
And a TV from Sony
So hurry up and pack that Shetland pony
The toy sack is a magical place
Where Santa puts the presents
Toy sack Baby
This sack’s heavy
Toy sack
Break Santa’s back
Call a chiropractor
Crack Santa’s back
Lugging and tuggin
Huffin and puffin
Reachin’ in the bag
There’s an Easy-Bake Oven
Now back up the chimney
Yeah it’s straining Santa’s jimmies
That sack’s not skinny
But every year he lugs it
Around and around and around and around
Reindeer are hoofin’
There ain’t no time for goofin baby
Elves linin’ up to pack toys for your town
Bag is always movin
Somethin’s in there poopin’ baby
Puppies in the sack
There’s puppies in the sack
The toy sack is a magical place
Where Santa puts the presents
Toy sack baby
Toy sack baby
Have a what
Merry
Christmas
Toy Sack
Santa’s toy sack
Toy Sack
Santa’s Toy Sack
Baby
Have a Merry Christmas
That’s a lot of presents in the Toy Sack
I know the words to this one better than the real song! lmao
Bob Rivers: (Parody of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)
The restroom door said gentlemen
So I just walked inside
I took two steps and realized
I'd been taken for a ride
I heard high voices turned and found
The place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse
What could be worse
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse?
The restroom door said gentlemen
It must have been a gag
As soon as I walked in there
I ran into some old hag
She sprayed me with a can of mace
And smacked me with her bag
I could tell this just wouldn't be my day
What can I say?
It was just turning out to be day
The restroom door said gentlemen
And I would like to find
The crummy little creep who had the nerve
To switch the signs
'Cause I got two black eyes
And one high heel up my behind
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy
Boy oh boy
No I'll never sit with comfort and joy
(Parody of The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire) by Nat King Cole)
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
Hot sauce dripping from their toes
(�Oh! That tickles!�)
Yuletide squirrels fresh filleted by the choir
They poked hot skewers through their nose
(�Ow! Wrong end, ya cowboy!�)
Everybody knows some pepper and a garlic clove
Help to make them seasoned right
Tiny rats with a crisp golden coat
Will really hit the spot tonight
And now when Santa sees his tray
(�Ho ho ho ho ho ho�)
There�ll be some homemade chipmunk jerky for his sleigh
(�Mmmm�Hey, look at that!�)
And every hungry child is gonna spy
To see if chipmunks really sing when they fry
And so I�m brushing on some honey glaze
To keep them crisp and juicy too
Let�s hope they get served many times many ways
Tasty Chipmunks, good food
�On that� Mr. Cole?�
�Yes, sir. Mr. Seville?�
�Would you mind handing me the barbeque sauce? I am starved!�
�Oh! No problem Dave. Hey listen, you best be havin� two of those drumsticks, �cause they�re oh-so tiny and there ain�t much meat upon �em�
�What about animal rights, Dave?�
�Put a sock in it Melvin�
�You know, for years people said you over-rated hamsters were my meal ticket. Now I guess you could just say you�re my meal!�
�That�s a good one, Dave�I always knew you was the funny one in the group!�
�Damn straight!�
And so I'm offering some recipes
From chipmunk pie to chipmunk stew
I�m not really sad that it ended this way
Furry chipmunks screw you
�Did you hear that Melvin? Melvin? Melvin? Mellllviiiiin?"
�Why, I�m sorry Dave, did you want Melvin? There�s plenty of Thagadore left though��
Rosie O'Donnell and Gloria Estefan - Gonna Eat For Christmas
Rosie:
Don't want tinsel, don't want bows
Don't want Rudolph's shiny nose
I'm gonna eat for Christmas
Gloria:
From my diet I will stray
But I'll workout the next day (Oh what a shock!)
Gonna eat for Christmas
Both:
It's a time for giving
Rosie:
Won't you give me mashed potatoes and ham?
Both:
It's a time for sharing
Gloria:
Are you gonna polish off those yams?
Rosie: You mean these?
Gloria: No?
Rosie: Yes I am
Rosie:
I don't say this to be nice
I'll have more black beans and rice
Gonna eat for Christmas
Gloria:
At the family shindig
Gonna be the Christmas pig
Both:
But I'll leave some room
Gloria:
I'm planning quite a buffet
Rosie:
Please don't throw away
Both:
That leftover food
Santa gave us some advice
To be naughty's very nice
Cause when you're stuffed
It'll always feel like
Christmas to you!
Rosie: Oh, that was exhausting, oh we got a break now?
Gloria: Oh, yeah
Rosie: I am so hungry Glo, what'ya got?
Gloria: Put down that sandwich
Rosie: Well, do you have anything...
Gloria: You can't eat now
Rosie: I can eat this now
Gloria: No, there's no time
Rosie: How much time do we have?
Gloria: We're almost going to sing now..
Rosie: Let me just..wait..I can swallow..you take the first part
Gloria: Get her some water for god sake
Rosie: I'll join you, go.
Gloria:
There's a twinkle in my eye
For a piece of pumpkin pie
Gonna eat for Christmas
Rosie:
If I eat one more soufflé
I won't fit in Santa's sleigh
Both:
I'll be filled with gloom
Gloria:
To face the scale the next day
Is no holiday
We'll sing a different tune (you know it)
Gloria:
Take advantage while we may
Rosie:
Let's pig out on Christmas!
Bob Rivers and Richard Simmons - Its the Most Fattening Time Of The Year
It’s the most fattening time of the year
With that pumpkin pie filling
and everyone swilling down eggnog and beer
It’s the most fattening time of the year
It’s the lip smackingest season of all
while your shopping you’re cheating
impulsively eating that junk at the mall
It’s the heav-heaviest season of all
There’ll be turkeys for basting
and stuffing for tasting
and giblets and gravy will flow
there’ll be cookies that mom baked
and leftover fruit cake from a christmas a long time ago
it’s the scale flattening time of the year
while your diet you’re blowing
there’s calories going straight down to your rear
it’s the scale flattening time of the year
there’ll be after meal dosing
and arteries closing
cholesterol levels will grow
it’s too cold to go jogging
to brisk for tobogganing
so pass me a hot buttered roll
It’s the most fattening time of the year
All those gingerbread shingles and
chocolate Chris Kringle’s will tremble in fear
It’s the most fattening time,
it’s the belt loosening time,
it’s the most fattening time of the year
Bob Rivers - Buttcracker Suite
(Parody of Nutcracker Suite)
“Thong March”
Thong
What a delightful gift idea
Thong
Magical shorts that disappear
Buy your loved one this noel
The kind of gift you can’t resell
Because it kind of smells
If someone else has tried it on
Thong
You could be dancing cheek to cheek
Thong
Wiggle the string play hide and seek
Buy your workmate or your boss
The proctologic dental floss
That really works a hair across
His astronomic bum
Thong
“Dance of the Plumber Fairy”
See the repair man go
Tink-a-tink, tink-a-tink, tink-a-tink
Working on the sink
Bending way down low
See the big tool belt go
Slippy-slip, slippy-slip, slippy-slip
Sliding down his hip
Say it isn’t so
See the rear cleavage go
Peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo
Cheekie sneaking through
See ya at so ‘n so
See the plumber
Doesn’t even show
What a bummer
Get a dial tone
Called a number
On the telephone
Hire someone else
“Wedgie Dance”
Lunge!
Spin around and stretch and lunge
And Leap!
Do a kick and shake your buns
And fix those wedgies everyone
Let’s go!
Twirl!
Double dip and somersault
ThenSplit!
Shuffle back and twist and fall
And fix those wedgies
Fix those wedgies
Let’s go people
Fix those wedgies
Cracks are flyin’ just keep pryin’
And pull
Pull hard!
And pull
Pull hard!
And pull
Pull hard those leotards!
“Waltz of the Buttcrackers”
Please just say no to crack
When you spot butt crack attack
You can see a trucker change a tire
Or a cable worker fix a wire
Let him know his bottom line is looking out
Somehow you don’t admire it
So everybody please just say no to crack
Give all those crack backs a sack
If you see a plumber show a breach
Or a tubby hubby on a beach
Sneak right up behind his back and strike a match and drop the burning sulfur right between his cheeks
Because as sure as pants and men surround us
Cracks are all around us
Slacks fall to the ground as
Miles and miles of spoil going up and down
Everybody
Don’t be unbound near a crowd get a grip
Fix your drawers
Every Fall ride along take ‘em back
To the stores
Show some class and hide that massive astronomic butt crack
Get in the truck
Cover the crack
Gimme the thong
Hurry along
Buttcracker’s joys are sweet
This next song I DO NOT know the lyrics to the real song but I know every word to this one. Hah.
All You Need Is Elves
(Parody of All You Need Is Love by The Beatles)
Elves, elves, elves
Elves, elves, elves
Elves, elves, elves
Santa doesn�t shop at Toys �R� Us
Doesn�t have to fight the Christmas rush
He�s never out of stock of even the hardest toys and games
It�s easy
Nothing in his sack he really made
No one gets forgotten Christmas day
So if you wanna know how he gets it done in the knick of time
It�s easy
All you need is elves
That�s us!
All you need is elves
The little people.
All you need is elves, Love
Elves are all you need
Toys �R� Elves
All toys are made by elves.
Elves, elves, elves
There�s nothing we can�t make.
Elves, elves, elves
Do you have any idea how hard it is to make a 64-bit video system out of wood?
Ho, ho, let me tell you, it ain�t easy.
No kidding!
Tell me about it!
All you need is elves
All you need is elves
We�re non-union labor.
All you need is elves, Love
Elves are all you need
Nothing you can know not much is known
Cause no one�s ever caught one in his home
They�re never really seen but that doesn�t mean that they�re make believe
They�re teensy
Hey! Watch where you�re stepping, you big freak!
All you need is elves
All you need is elves
We�re too short for Space Mountain.
All you need is elves, Love
Elves are all you need
Elves are all you need
Elves are all you need
Elves are all you need
Elves are all you need�
He loves you, ho, ho, ho.
He loves you, ho....