My stummy!
Ugh. My stomache hurts. I went out to eat with my grandparents and my aunt. I ate so much. But when dont i?? haha. yeah. Im gonna watch movie wit my sister and mary. my dad left earlier. hes gonna be gone fer 5 days. he went to the UP fer some job i guess. I dk. o well, sometimes its nice without him. he can get pretty....ugh. thats all im gonna say.
Omg, i can not stop thinking about gymnastics. and its really weird. like, everyone always tells me that if they had the money they would get me back in it. its so nice. i mean, even rachael told me yesterday that in a few months she was gonna start paying fer me. i told her i wouldnt let her, cuz its not like she can afford it, but i mean its way too nice. but i guess george is gonna get me back fer like, really cheap. but my stepmom told me that i was gonna have to work my ass off! But i am definately willing to do it. i find myself thinking about it everyday. okay, this is all that goes through my head:
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
I think u get the point. But then i second guess myself and say, o well, maybe u would never make it anywayz. that u would be just wasting ur money.
I mean thats whats so upsetting. Cuz each day i pull farthur and farthur away from my dreams. its killing me. i just break down and cry sometimes. even when its a happy time. i dont know. its like slowly dieing. ur just getting pulled in half more and more. ever second that goes by hurts more. and if u think about it, it just kills u harder and faster. (though that sounds gross) its actually what its like. there is nothing worse than to have ur dreams taken away from you and stomped on. and what sux even more is that u dont want to do anything else. how can u plan on the future when ur stuck on something that u cant do?? I never think of anything else that im good at, that i like. i may be good at wrestling, but i dont like it. the one thing u like and ur good at and u have a future with gets crushed. and u never go back. everyday i get weaker. everyday is a day that i could have worked closer to my dream. u cant quit 2 in three years and make it to the olympics when ur still young enough. yeah, u guessed it. this is my second time quitting. the second time i have to go through the pain. the second time i cant be happy. behind these smiles everyday, im being tortured. i fool people so bad. this is the first time that i admit that yes i am somewhat depressed.
seeing my best friend depressed.
worrying about your mother
realizing that u went 4 years in court, ended up where u didnt want to be, fought to be where u wanted, and in the end you ended up with the enemy. four fuckin years i wasted, being depressed, hearing lies. and then all the lies were true. i wasnt in reality.
the things i wanted to hear were the truth to me. until the lies i herd came true.
im becoming confused
i dont know what to do anymore
when things seem to become right finally, i realized what hell i went through
the one chance of getting what i wanted seems to fade away.
what if i told you that all that was a poem from a story?
Omg, i can not stop thinking about gymnastics. and its really weird. like, everyone always tells me that if they had the money they would get me back in it. its so nice. i mean, even rachael told me yesterday that in a few months she was gonna start paying fer me. i told her i wouldnt let her, cuz its not like she can afford it, but i mean its way too nice. but i guess george is gonna get me back fer like, really cheap. but my stepmom told me that i was gonna have to work my ass off! But i am definately willing to do it. i find myself thinking about it everyday. okay, this is all that goes through my head:
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
i luv gymnastics
I think u get the point. But then i second guess myself and say, o well, maybe u would never make it anywayz. that u would be just wasting ur money.
I mean thats whats so upsetting. Cuz each day i pull farthur and farthur away from my dreams. its killing me. i just break down and cry sometimes. even when its a happy time. i dont know. its like slowly dieing. ur just getting pulled in half more and more. ever second that goes by hurts more. and if u think about it, it just kills u harder and faster. (though that sounds gross) its actually what its like. there is nothing worse than to have ur dreams taken away from you and stomped on. and what sux even more is that u dont want to do anything else. how can u plan on the future when ur stuck on something that u cant do?? I never think of anything else that im good at, that i like. i may be good at wrestling, but i dont like it. the one thing u like and ur good at and u have a future with gets crushed. and u never go back. everyday i get weaker. everyday is a day that i could have worked closer to my dream. u cant quit 2 in three years and make it to the olympics when ur still young enough. yeah, u guessed it. this is my second time quitting. the second time i have to go through the pain. the second time i cant be happy. behind these smiles everyday, im being tortured. i fool people so bad. this is the first time that i admit that yes i am somewhat depressed.
seeing my best friend depressed.
worrying about your mother
realizing that u went 4 years in court, ended up where u didnt want to be, fought to be where u wanted, and in the end you ended up with the enemy. four fuckin years i wasted, being depressed, hearing lies. and then all the lies were true. i wasnt in reality.
the things i wanted to hear were the truth to me. until the lies i herd came true.
im becoming confused
i dont know what to do anymore
when things seem to become right finally, i realized what hell i went through
the one chance of getting what i wanted seems to fade away.
what if i told you that all that was a poem from a story?