TbF 21
*looks at floor guiltily* It's really been over 2 months since my last update?! I'm so sorry!!!
Title: Touched by Fire
Authour: Beloved
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Note: This fic would never have been continued had it not been for RogueSpike, greensloven, dianehc, bonnysprite and rose_etta, all of whom encouraged me - and all of whom deserve credit for more or less anything good in this, because they have written chunks of it!
They are absolute stars and wonderful people, and I thank God that I know them.
*squishy hugs*
Warning: Angst and self-harm!
Parts 1 & 2: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/270958.html
Parts 3-5: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/271124.html
Parts 6 & 7: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/271594.html
Parts 8 & 9 http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/271770.html
Part 10: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/272186.html
Part 11: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/273084.html
Part 12: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/273233.html
Part 13: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/274497.html
Part 14: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/275341.html
Part 15: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/275959.html
Part 16: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/276824.html
Part 17: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/277866.html
Part 18: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/278039.html
Part 18a: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/278277.html
Part 19: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/279069.html
Part 20: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/280937.html
A little over an hour later, Lex started awake at the round of the telephone. Before even looking for the phone, he checked on Clark, who was curled up beside him, head on Lex’s chest. Lex couldn’t help but smile gently at the slight, glad that his friend seemed at peace, even if only for a moment.
The ringing of the telephone was quick to bring him from his contemplation of Clark, and he grabbed for it; intent on not waking Clark until absolutely necessary.
“Luthor.”
“Hello, Lex?” asked the kind, unmistakable voice of Martha Kent.
Lex inwardly winced at the worry in her voice, feeling awful for causing it when it could have been so easily avoided. “Yes Mrs - Martha. Clark is here - I’m sorry we did not ring to tell you, but Clark was so tired when I picked him up, that he fell right asleep, and I have to admit that I did to.”
Hearing the genuine remorse in Lex’s voice, and smiling slightly at his quickly amended almost slip up, any anger she felt vanished. She was just glad that both of her boys were ok.
“It’s ok Lex. I thought he’d probably be over at the Mansion after seeing Chloe and Pete anyway, but Pete rang to see if Clark was alright…Lex, can you explain to me why my son is throwing up, and I had to hear it from Pete Ross?”
During the time Lex had been on the phone, Clark had started to stir, but however faint the sound, Clark could easily recognise his mother, especially when at her most indignant. In spite of Lex’s attempts to sooth Clark back to sleep, Clark had started to sit up during the phone conversation, and clearly heard his mother’s question.
Clark could see that Lex was unsure what to tell his mother, so Clark just leaned over and plucked the phone out of his hand.
Forcing back a yawn, Clark said sleepily; “Hey Mom. Before you ask - I’m ok right now, but I think we need to have another talk.”
There was a heavy silence - Clark could *hear* his mother worrying, and was swift to attempt to placate her; “Mom, please don’t worry. It’s just gonna be easier for you to see than talk about now. So Lex and I’ll be home in a half hour ok. I love you.”
Hanging up the phone, Clark passed it to Lex with a tentative smile.
“Is that OK? And I know I should have asked you that before I told Mom we’d both be round but..”
Lex cut him off with a reassuring smile. “Of course it’s OK. I said I’d be there for you and I will. Whenever needed - all you have to do is say. OK?”
“OK”
“Right, now that’s settled, you need to eat something.
Regardless of Clark’s protestations, Lex poured a small bowl of soup; which consisted almost entirely of organic Kent vegetables, and that Clark usually loved.
“Clark, I want you to just try and eat this alright? Just a few sips. Please?”
It was the ‘please’ that did it, along with Lex’s own version of Clark’s puppy-dog eyes, Clark caved. With Lex remaining beside him, a claming presence to an alien who still found the very idea of illness, well….alien, Clark started to eat.
Slowly at first, just a few tentative little sips, but when his stomach didn’t recoil at the food entering his body, Clark quickly set to work on the rest.
Taking the glass of orange juice and the napkin Lex proffered, Clark gulped it down and wiped his mouth.
He closed his eyes and just sat for a moment, waiting for his body to rebel against what he had done to it. When nothing happened, he turned to Lex with a smile.
Lex smiled back, glad that Clark had finally managed to eat something and hopefully, keep it down.
Taking the empty bowl and glass, Lex placed them back on the tray before walking into his wardrobe, walking out a few minutes later with two piles of clothes.
“I doubt your clothes will be dry yet, but these should fit you.”
Clark opened his mouth to ask why Lex had clothes (including underwear!) in his size, but decided to just be grateful. It was a question Clark could always ponder the answer to when in the privacy of his own bedroom.
Taking note of what exactly he had been given, Clark’s heart swelled, for even in this (for Lex) small gesture Lex had thought about the affect on Clark. Taking his still-healing wounds into account, everything was of the purest and softest quality; from the pure silk boxers, to the soft black cotton khakis and the snuggly purple cashmere sweater.
Clark grinned at the colour of the sweater, but nevertheless inwardly thanked whatever Higher Being had granted him such a wonderful friend.
After helping Clark with his still-healing wounds, rubbing cream on the burns and assisting in replacing the bandages Clark had taken off to shower, Lex excused himself to change.
When Lex returned, he was pleased to find Clark eating a bread roll, and the sight of him in Lex’s own signature colour gave him a warm feeling in his heart he decided not to question.
Clark himself, nearly choked on what remained of the bread roll at the sight before him; Lex Luthor, in jeans! And not just any jeans, these jeans looked like they had been custom made (which Lex was more than capable of doing), clinging to every curve - especially his buttocks!
Swallowing so as to avoid the possibility of drool, Clark brought his eyes up from his best friend’s ass to his face. The teasing smirk that rested there made Clark smile even as he blushed.
“They suit you Lex”
“Yeah, they do don’t they?” Lex replied, with a waggle of his eyebrows that made Clark giggle. “And they have the added bonus of shocking the hell out of your father when I arrive in what he may deem ‘normal clothes’.”
Walking to the door, Lex turned back to his best friend, still sitting on his bed, and said; “Well come on then Clark. Now you have declared me presentable, we’d best depart for the homestead.”
Accepting Clark’s small smile with one of his own, Lex was totally unsurprised when Clark took his hand as they walked down the stairs and hallway to the door.
As they reached the car, Lex gave the hand holding his a squeeze and looked up at Clark. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be with you the whole time. I promise.”
Clark nodded and squeezed back.
In spite of the fact Clark seemed to be keeping down the food that he had consumed earlier, Lex did not want to take any chances, and drove very carefully down to the Kent Farm; something he was glad about when he saw both Kents sitting on the porch awaiting their arrival.
Lex gracefully stepped out of the vehicle and started to make his way towards the house. However, he had only taken a few steps when he realised that Clark was not following him. Walking around to the passenger side, Lex opened the door and peered down at his best friend; he could see the fear clouding his eyes once more.
Placing a hand on Clark’s shoulder, Lex whispered; “It’s OK to be scared Clark. But just remember that you’re not alone. I’ve always got your back.”
Clark nodded slightly before taking a deep breath and straightening his shoulders, readying himself for the forthcoming confrontation.
Lex could not stop the slight smile at the sight of Clark bracing himself to talk to his parents. Holding out a hand for Clark, to help him out of the car, he was once again totally unsurprised when Clark failed to let go once the door was shut and the car locked.
Lex looked from Clark to the Kents and back again. Raising a pale eyebrow at the brunette beside him, he cocked his head towards the waiting adults and quoted quietly; “Once more unto the breach dear friend, once more.”
Watching their son laughing at whatever Lex had said, swinging their joined hands somewhat childishly as the boys made their way towards them, Martha and Jon were shocked at the transformation. After hearing from Pete earlier, they had been expecting obvious signs of illness; but after only a few hours with Lex, there was a shadow of the boy they had only recently realised had been missing for months.
However, by the time he had reached them, the laughter had faded, and the two adults could see fear and shame on his face, before he ducked his head and veered past them, still with a firm grip of Lex’s hand.
He made his way into the living room, instead of heading towards the kitchen. He needed a different scene from the usual Kent gathering room.
His parents had followed them in and settled across from him and Lex. As usual it was the lone woman that took the first brave step, “Clark, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
It was a testament to how worried his mother was that she skipped directly to grilling him for questions, instead of playing hostess.
Clark opened his mouth and closed it several times, but managed to refrain from turning to Lex to have him explain for him. Finally remembering what he’d told her about showing her being easier, he pulled away from Lex to pull up his sweater and show them.
His ribs got the idea across quite well. His mother’s hurt filled indrawn breath confirmed it.
Martha felt like she was choking on air. She couldn’t get air into her lungs and certainly would have passed out had it not been for the reassuring touch of her husband’s hands on her shoulders. Leaning back and into him, she let her tears fall.
She had wanted to be strong for her family, for her son, and thought she’d done a fairly good job about thus far, but now, this … this was too much. How could she have not seen this? This was her boy?! Her baby! How could she not have seen him wasting away into nothing??!!
A hand, of its own accord, reached out to gently trace the ribs so aggressively poking out. She broke down into sobs the moment her fingers touched.
This was real. Her son was truly this skeleton before her, it wasn’t some nightmare.
Another pair of arms were around her, “Mom, it’s okay. It’ll be okay. Please, Mom, please stop crying. I’ll be fine. I’m going to be okay. Please …” and she heard a wobble in his voice, but it was the following, “I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry for all of this. I’m so sorry for having ever found you” that had her pulling herself under control.
Angrily, she grabbed Clark’s face and stared hard into his eyes. “Never, ever apologize for having found us, for being in our lives. Never!’ Shaking him, “You hear me??!!” Another good shake, and when all he did was nod she shook him again, “Say it, promise me, promise you will never say something like that again, not to anyone but especially not to me” barely keeping a sob in, she finished, “Especially not to me.”
“I promise, Mom. I promise.” Clark was scared at his mother’s reaction but he was also warmed. He knew he was loved, he’d just forgotten along the way just how much that love meant. Holding her close to him, he whispered, over and over again, “I promise.”
Lex was behind him, a hand reassuringly rubbing his back, and his dad was hovering behind his mother. He was surrounded by the people he loved and for the first time in ages he felt their love, even Lex’s, especially Lex’s. Lex who had a personal bubble about a mile wide, who rarely touched, or smiled, or let anything of himself show, had let him into his home, his bed, curled up around him and fed him his affection.
All the warmth from this realization took a bit of a dive at his father’s question, “Why?”
Clark was certain Lex would have decked his dad if the desperation in the quietly asked question wasn’t so evident.
He tried to pull out of his mother’s hold before moving back onto the couch, but she wouldn’t let go, so he took her with him. Lex was to his left and his mom to his right, and his dad sat back down across from them.
Lex leaned into whisper into his ear, “You don’t have to say anything.”
There was a fair bit of menace underlying his words; it looked like Lex wasn’t going to be quick to forgive his dad for his conversational misstep. Smiling in reassurance at his dearest friend, he turned his attention to providing an answer for his dad.
He struggled and after a few false starts, he was able to put words together that he hoped explained things to some extent.
“I can’t eat. I haven’t been able to eat in months. If it isn’t about being caught using my powers it’s about what I’m willing to do to someone who’d put me in a similar position.”
Bowing his head in shame, “I told you with Phalen, Dad, how much I wanted to hurt him. I was ready to kill him.” Looking up to stare into familiar eyes, “I’m so careful, always so careful. I can’t even stand seeing people on TV get hurt, but there I was, my hands around his neck, and I just wanted to crush him. It would have been so easy.”
Clark brought a hand up to his mouth. Bile churned in his stomach at the remembered fury and emotional pain. After a few calming breaths he continued. “It sickened me. I sickened me. Then Jor-El introduced himself and all this talk about conquering, a God amongst men and …” Shaking his head to try and rid himself of the urge to cry, a few stubborn tears slipped past his restraint. “It brought Phalen back, and what I was willing to do and I thought, the darkness, maybe it’s a part of me, that, that moment with Phalen wasn’t an exception but possibly my norm.”
“Clark, honey, you don’t believe that. We don’t believe that.”
His mother’s voice was fierce in her conviction of the steadfastness of his goodness.
“I don’t. I haven’t, not really. But with each meteor freak I’ve had to battle, with each power cropping up, with Jor-El’s constant badgering, the trouble I’m forever bringing home, the lies between Lex and me and all my friends …”
Sighing, breathing, “It’s just been too much, I guess my appetite was affected. I started avoiding the cafeteria during lunch, not wanting to see accusing, angry or disappointed glares, depending on the day and who was there. I couldn’t go to the Torch in fear of Chloe deciding to drop by, and Principal Reynolds refused to let me eat outside, no loitering apparently. Having no where to go, even just to be alone, I volunteered to help in the library during my lunch break, but you’re not allowed to bring food in. So I stopped eating lunch. Then after school things would happen, I’d have a mutant to stop, or I’d have exchanged words with Chloe and Pete, or Lex, and I wouldn’t feel much like eating afterwards.”
He looked at Lex, “Having you find out the truth was the best thing that could have possibly happened. You have no idea how much easier it is to breathe knowing that you know.”
Lex offered him a small smile in return, but it turned to a frown quickly enough. “But Clark, you didn’t eat anything at the Talon, all you did was smell the food and you went running to the bathroom.”
Confused himself, he held up his hands in a ‘heck-if-I-know’ gesture. “It’s been like that for awhile now. When I’m really upset, even smells have me retching.”
“It’s perfectly understandable, Clark. It’s a proven fact that emotional unrest can affects ones mental and physical state. You’ve made yourself sick, not just from the meteor-, sorry, Kryptonite, and your burning, but from the constant state of anxiety you’ve been under. But what concerns me is to the degree of your symptoms.”
Lex, needing to touch, settled his fingers right above Clark’s wrist, and started rubbing circles there. To soothe Clark or him, he didn’t know. He went on.
“Clark. Despite everything, you are still supposed to be invulnerable, you shouldn’t be affected by external cues to this extent, unless you’ve accidentally let too much kryptonite into your blood stream.”
His heart stalled for a second, before it started beating furiously. What if that was the cause? What if Clark had harmed himself too often, that he’d somehow permanently weakened his immune system? What then? How weak had Clark become then? What was he susceptible to now? Was his immune system worse than an average human’s?
“Lex, Lex, calm down!” Clark was waving a hand in front of him while another was wrapped around his shoulders. When had that happened?
“Breathe, Lex. I’m fine.” At his raised eyebrow, questioning the veracity of such a bold statement considering what Clark had just admitted to, the boy acquiesced, “Okay not fine, but I will be. I’m better now. Isn’t that the first step on the road to recovery, admitting you’ve got a problem?”
Cheeky, he wanted to kiss the innocently smirking lips. It was good to see some genuine mirth in the boy who had lit up his world with easy smiles, not so long ago.
“I’ll give you that. But you understand my concerns, right?”
But before he could reply, their little world was broken by the voice of the elder Kent: "Clark, I think it may be time for you to go see Jor-El."
Title: Touched by Fire
Authour: Beloved
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Note: This fic would never have been continued had it not been for RogueSpike, greensloven, dianehc, bonnysprite and rose_etta, all of whom encouraged me - and all of whom deserve credit for more or less anything good in this, because they have written chunks of it!
They are absolute stars and wonderful people, and I thank God that I know them.
*squishy hugs*
Warning: Angst and self-harm!
Parts 1 & 2: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/270958.html
Parts 3-5: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/271124.html
Parts 6 & 7: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/271594.html
Parts 8 & 9 http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/271770.html
Part 10: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/272186.html
Part 11: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/273084.html
Part 12: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/273233.html
Part 13: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/274497.html
Part 14: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/275341.html
Part 15: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/275959.html
Part 16: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/276824.html
Part 17: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/277866.html
Part 18: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/278039.html
Part 18a: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/278277.html
Part 19: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/279069.html
Part 20: http://ilovedoyle.livejournal.com/280937.html
A little over an hour later, Lex started awake at the round of the telephone. Before even looking for the phone, he checked on Clark, who was curled up beside him, head on Lex’s chest. Lex couldn’t help but smile gently at the slight, glad that his friend seemed at peace, even if only for a moment.
The ringing of the telephone was quick to bring him from his contemplation of Clark, and he grabbed for it; intent on not waking Clark until absolutely necessary.
“Luthor.”
“Hello, Lex?” asked the kind, unmistakable voice of Martha Kent.
Lex inwardly winced at the worry in her voice, feeling awful for causing it when it could have been so easily avoided. “Yes Mrs - Martha. Clark is here - I’m sorry we did not ring to tell you, but Clark was so tired when I picked him up, that he fell right asleep, and I have to admit that I did to.”
Hearing the genuine remorse in Lex’s voice, and smiling slightly at his quickly amended almost slip up, any anger she felt vanished. She was just glad that both of her boys were ok.
“It’s ok Lex. I thought he’d probably be over at the Mansion after seeing Chloe and Pete anyway, but Pete rang to see if Clark was alright…Lex, can you explain to me why my son is throwing up, and I had to hear it from Pete Ross?”
During the time Lex had been on the phone, Clark had started to stir, but however faint the sound, Clark could easily recognise his mother, especially when at her most indignant. In spite of Lex’s attempts to sooth Clark back to sleep, Clark had started to sit up during the phone conversation, and clearly heard his mother’s question.
Clark could see that Lex was unsure what to tell his mother, so Clark just leaned over and plucked the phone out of his hand.
Forcing back a yawn, Clark said sleepily; “Hey Mom. Before you ask - I’m ok right now, but I think we need to have another talk.”
There was a heavy silence - Clark could *hear* his mother worrying, and was swift to attempt to placate her; “Mom, please don’t worry. It’s just gonna be easier for you to see than talk about now. So Lex and I’ll be home in a half hour ok. I love you.”
Hanging up the phone, Clark passed it to Lex with a tentative smile.
“Is that OK? And I know I should have asked you that before I told Mom we’d both be round but..”
Lex cut him off with a reassuring smile. “Of course it’s OK. I said I’d be there for you and I will. Whenever needed - all you have to do is say. OK?”
“OK”
“Right, now that’s settled, you need to eat something.
Regardless of Clark’s protestations, Lex poured a small bowl of soup; which consisted almost entirely of organic Kent vegetables, and that Clark usually loved.
“Clark, I want you to just try and eat this alright? Just a few sips. Please?”
It was the ‘please’ that did it, along with Lex’s own version of Clark’s puppy-dog eyes, Clark caved. With Lex remaining beside him, a claming presence to an alien who still found the very idea of illness, well….alien, Clark started to eat.
Slowly at first, just a few tentative little sips, but when his stomach didn’t recoil at the food entering his body, Clark quickly set to work on the rest.
Taking the glass of orange juice and the napkin Lex proffered, Clark gulped it down and wiped his mouth.
He closed his eyes and just sat for a moment, waiting for his body to rebel against what he had done to it. When nothing happened, he turned to Lex with a smile.
Lex smiled back, glad that Clark had finally managed to eat something and hopefully, keep it down.
Taking the empty bowl and glass, Lex placed them back on the tray before walking into his wardrobe, walking out a few minutes later with two piles of clothes.
“I doubt your clothes will be dry yet, but these should fit you.”
Clark opened his mouth to ask why Lex had clothes (including underwear!) in his size, but decided to just be grateful. It was a question Clark could always ponder the answer to when in the privacy of his own bedroom.
Taking note of what exactly he had been given, Clark’s heart swelled, for even in this (for Lex) small gesture Lex had thought about the affect on Clark. Taking his still-healing wounds into account, everything was of the purest and softest quality; from the pure silk boxers, to the soft black cotton khakis and the snuggly purple cashmere sweater.
Clark grinned at the colour of the sweater, but nevertheless inwardly thanked whatever Higher Being had granted him such a wonderful friend.
After helping Clark with his still-healing wounds, rubbing cream on the burns and assisting in replacing the bandages Clark had taken off to shower, Lex excused himself to change.
When Lex returned, he was pleased to find Clark eating a bread roll, and the sight of him in Lex’s own signature colour gave him a warm feeling in his heart he decided not to question.
Clark himself, nearly choked on what remained of the bread roll at the sight before him; Lex Luthor, in jeans! And not just any jeans, these jeans looked like they had been custom made (which Lex was more than capable of doing), clinging to every curve - especially his buttocks!
Swallowing so as to avoid the possibility of drool, Clark brought his eyes up from his best friend’s ass to his face. The teasing smirk that rested there made Clark smile even as he blushed.
“They suit you Lex”
“Yeah, they do don’t they?” Lex replied, with a waggle of his eyebrows that made Clark giggle. “And they have the added bonus of shocking the hell out of your father when I arrive in what he may deem ‘normal clothes’.”
Walking to the door, Lex turned back to his best friend, still sitting on his bed, and said; “Well come on then Clark. Now you have declared me presentable, we’d best depart for the homestead.”
Accepting Clark’s small smile with one of his own, Lex was totally unsurprised when Clark took his hand as they walked down the stairs and hallway to the door.
As they reached the car, Lex gave the hand holding his a squeeze and looked up at Clark. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be with you the whole time. I promise.”
Clark nodded and squeezed back.
In spite of the fact Clark seemed to be keeping down the food that he had consumed earlier, Lex did not want to take any chances, and drove very carefully down to the Kent Farm; something he was glad about when he saw both Kents sitting on the porch awaiting their arrival.
Lex gracefully stepped out of the vehicle and started to make his way towards the house. However, he had only taken a few steps when he realised that Clark was not following him. Walking around to the passenger side, Lex opened the door and peered down at his best friend; he could see the fear clouding his eyes once more.
Placing a hand on Clark’s shoulder, Lex whispered; “It’s OK to be scared Clark. But just remember that you’re not alone. I’ve always got your back.”
Clark nodded slightly before taking a deep breath and straightening his shoulders, readying himself for the forthcoming confrontation.
Lex could not stop the slight smile at the sight of Clark bracing himself to talk to his parents. Holding out a hand for Clark, to help him out of the car, he was once again totally unsurprised when Clark failed to let go once the door was shut and the car locked.
Lex looked from Clark to the Kents and back again. Raising a pale eyebrow at the brunette beside him, he cocked his head towards the waiting adults and quoted quietly; “Once more unto the breach dear friend, once more.”
Watching their son laughing at whatever Lex had said, swinging their joined hands somewhat childishly as the boys made their way towards them, Martha and Jon were shocked at the transformation. After hearing from Pete earlier, they had been expecting obvious signs of illness; but after only a few hours with Lex, there was a shadow of the boy they had only recently realised had been missing for months.
However, by the time he had reached them, the laughter had faded, and the two adults could see fear and shame on his face, before he ducked his head and veered past them, still with a firm grip of Lex’s hand.
He made his way into the living room, instead of heading towards the kitchen. He needed a different scene from the usual Kent gathering room.
His parents had followed them in and settled across from him and Lex. As usual it was the lone woman that took the first brave step, “Clark, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
It was a testament to how worried his mother was that she skipped directly to grilling him for questions, instead of playing hostess.
Clark opened his mouth and closed it several times, but managed to refrain from turning to Lex to have him explain for him. Finally remembering what he’d told her about showing her being easier, he pulled away from Lex to pull up his sweater and show them.
His ribs got the idea across quite well. His mother’s hurt filled indrawn breath confirmed it.
Martha felt like she was choking on air. She couldn’t get air into her lungs and certainly would have passed out had it not been for the reassuring touch of her husband’s hands on her shoulders. Leaning back and into him, she let her tears fall.
She had wanted to be strong for her family, for her son, and thought she’d done a fairly good job about thus far, but now, this … this was too much. How could she have not seen this? This was her boy?! Her baby! How could she not have seen him wasting away into nothing??!!
A hand, of its own accord, reached out to gently trace the ribs so aggressively poking out. She broke down into sobs the moment her fingers touched.
This was real. Her son was truly this skeleton before her, it wasn’t some nightmare.
Another pair of arms were around her, “Mom, it’s okay. It’ll be okay. Please, Mom, please stop crying. I’ll be fine. I’m going to be okay. Please …” and she heard a wobble in his voice, but it was the following, “I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry for all of this. I’m so sorry for having ever found you” that had her pulling herself under control.
Angrily, she grabbed Clark’s face and stared hard into his eyes. “Never, ever apologize for having found us, for being in our lives. Never!’ Shaking him, “You hear me??!!” Another good shake, and when all he did was nod she shook him again, “Say it, promise me, promise you will never say something like that again, not to anyone but especially not to me” barely keeping a sob in, she finished, “Especially not to me.”
“I promise, Mom. I promise.” Clark was scared at his mother’s reaction but he was also warmed. He knew he was loved, he’d just forgotten along the way just how much that love meant. Holding her close to him, he whispered, over and over again, “I promise.”
Lex was behind him, a hand reassuringly rubbing his back, and his dad was hovering behind his mother. He was surrounded by the people he loved and for the first time in ages he felt their love, even Lex’s, especially Lex’s. Lex who had a personal bubble about a mile wide, who rarely touched, or smiled, or let anything of himself show, had let him into his home, his bed, curled up around him and fed him his affection.
All the warmth from this realization took a bit of a dive at his father’s question, “Why?”
Clark was certain Lex would have decked his dad if the desperation in the quietly asked question wasn’t so evident.
He tried to pull out of his mother’s hold before moving back onto the couch, but she wouldn’t let go, so he took her with him. Lex was to his left and his mom to his right, and his dad sat back down across from them.
Lex leaned into whisper into his ear, “You don’t have to say anything.”
There was a fair bit of menace underlying his words; it looked like Lex wasn’t going to be quick to forgive his dad for his conversational misstep. Smiling in reassurance at his dearest friend, he turned his attention to providing an answer for his dad.
He struggled and after a few false starts, he was able to put words together that he hoped explained things to some extent.
“I can’t eat. I haven’t been able to eat in months. If it isn’t about being caught using my powers it’s about what I’m willing to do to someone who’d put me in a similar position.”
Bowing his head in shame, “I told you with Phalen, Dad, how much I wanted to hurt him. I was ready to kill him.” Looking up to stare into familiar eyes, “I’m so careful, always so careful. I can’t even stand seeing people on TV get hurt, but there I was, my hands around his neck, and I just wanted to crush him. It would have been so easy.”
Clark brought a hand up to his mouth. Bile churned in his stomach at the remembered fury and emotional pain. After a few calming breaths he continued. “It sickened me. I sickened me. Then Jor-El introduced himself and all this talk about conquering, a God amongst men and …” Shaking his head to try and rid himself of the urge to cry, a few stubborn tears slipped past his restraint. “It brought Phalen back, and what I was willing to do and I thought, the darkness, maybe it’s a part of me, that, that moment with Phalen wasn’t an exception but possibly my norm.”
“Clark, honey, you don’t believe that. We don’t believe that.”
His mother’s voice was fierce in her conviction of the steadfastness of his goodness.
“I don’t. I haven’t, not really. But with each meteor freak I’ve had to battle, with each power cropping up, with Jor-El’s constant badgering, the trouble I’m forever bringing home, the lies between Lex and me and all my friends …”
Sighing, breathing, “It’s just been too much, I guess my appetite was affected. I started avoiding the cafeteria during lunch, not wanting to see accusing, angry or disappointed glares, depending on the day and who was there. I couldn’t go to the Torch in fear of Chloe deciding to drop by, and Principal Reynolds refused to let me eat outside, no loitering apparently. Having no where to go, even just to be alone, I volunteered to help in the library during my lunch break, but you’re not allowed to bring food in. So I stopped eating lunch. Then after school things would happen, I’d have a mutant to stop, or I’d have exchanged words with Chloe and Pete, or Lex, and I wouldn’t feel much like eating afterwards.”
He looked at Lex, “Having you find out the truth was the best thing that could have possibly happened. You have no idea how much easier it is to breathe knowing that you know.”
Lex offered him a small smile in return, but it turned to a frown quickly enough. “But Clark, you didn’t eat anything at the Talon, all you did was smell the food and you went running to the bathroom.”
Confused himself, he held up his hands in a ‘heck-if-I-know’ gesture. “It’s been like that for awhile now. When I’m really upset, even smells have me retching.”
“It’s perfectly understandable, Clark. It’s a proven fact that emotional unrest can affects ones mental and physical state. You’ve made yourself sick, not just from the meteor-, sorry, Kryptonite, and your burning, but from the constant state of anxiety you’ve been under. But what concerns me is to the degree of your symptoms.”
Lex, needing to touch, settled his fingers right above Clark’s wrist, and started rubbing circles there. To soothe Clark or him, he didn’t know. He went on.
“Clark. Despite everything, you are still supposed to be invulnerable, you shouldn’t be affected by external cues to this extent, unless you’ve accidentally let too much kryptonite into your blood stream.”
His heart stalled for a second, before it started beating furiously. What if that was the cause? What if Clark had harmed himself too often, that he’d somehow permanently weakened his immune system? What then? How weak had Clark become then? What was he susceptible to now? Was his immune system worse than an average human’s?
“Lex, Lex, calm down!” Clark was waving a hand in front of him while another was wrapped around his shoulders. When had that happened?
“Breathe, Lex. I’m fine.” At his raised eyebrow, questioning the veracity of such a bold statement considering what Clark had just admitted to, the boy acquiesced, “Okay not fine, but I will be. I’m better now. Isn’t that the first step on the road to recovery, admitting you’ve got a problem?”
Cheeky, he wanted to kiss the innocently smirking lips. It was good to see some genuine mirth in the boy who had lit up his world with easy smiles, not so long ago.
“I’ll give you that. But you understand my concerns, right?”
But before he could reply, their little world was broken by the voice of the elder Kent: "Clark, I think it may be time for you to go see Jor-El."