(no subject)
last night was a mix of one of the weirdest, scariest, but most thought provoking nights i've ever had.
went out with my sister, her boy, and one of her other friends, bobby. yes, the dreaded bobby. we went downtown and terrorized people with bobby's car [he has a PA system as well as a dixie horn...so it's kinda fun. hah]. we stopped to get some food, and my sister the pyro was setting anything flammable ablaze with chris' lighter. i do not think the friendly staff found this as amusing as she did.
so we drive around a little bit, back towards bobby's house. all of a sudden, the mood in the car changes from happy to chillingly somber. i was sitting in the passenger seat and bobby was driving, and i could feel the tension building as the speedometer went up. he looked over at me with a crazedand dull look in his eyes, and says, "hey guys. let's have some fun. WHO WANTS TO HAVE SOME FUN?!". he holds the stare for a minute and turns his eyes back onto the poorly lit street. i could feel the strain on the engine as he pushed his foot down further on the gas. seventy....seventy five....eighty. he looked back over at me with an almost sad demeanor and said, this time more quietly, "this is fun, right???".
i told him to slow down. he was getting close to highway 74, which is a mountain road that leads up to anza. it's scary enough driving it during the day, but during night it's about tenfold worse. there is no lighting, except for the sometimes blinding headlights of oncoming drivers in the left lane. the road is highly curved and at times hard to navigate. i ask him again to go slower, to which he responds, "I AM GOING SLOW." he keeps both the windows down. so we drive around, hugging turns and screeching out on already faulty brakes, until we get to vista point. it was like a movie...one of the cheesy ones that everyone has seen. no one said a thing the entire time he was driving. bobby stops the car and gets out. without a word. i sit in the passenger seat for about five minutes, collecting myself and my stomach [i think i left it at the bottom of the mountain?]. i open the door and step out, happy to be on solid ground. i walk over to where bobby is sitting, perched on a rock overlooking the edge. i sit down next to him, and aubrey and chris follow suit.
"you can see the whole city from up here" he says coldy. detatched.
and that's when it started. i just started talking to him. something compelled me to talk to him. about everything. i found out where he was born, where he grew up, what his family is like. everything. he drove down that mountain, this time at 40 thank goodness, and we stopped at a little park a block or two away from his house. he sat down under the swingset and i sat down next to him. aubrey and chris disappeared. so i just talked to him.
i am amazed by how much more you can comprehend a person's actions after you know their background. it's just fascinating to me that every person has such a story behind them. nature vs nurture. do these people know that they have such an impact on shaping what a person is to become? sometimes i doubt they do.
after talking to him for about three hours, i felt guilty for judging him the way i did, even though what he did was inexcusable. i felt guilty for listening to other people judge him. i think what it comes down to is nobody really knows this guy. he just does strange things and puts himself out to be judged, but all it really is is a defense mechanism. and apparently it has worked extremely well on keeping him from having social relationships.
but i think all he really needed was someone to talk to.
went out with my sister, her boy, and one of her other friends, bobby. yes, the dreaded bobby. we went downtown and terrorized people with bobby's car [he has a PA system as well as a dixie horn...so it's kinda fun. hah]. we stopped to get some food, and my sister the pyro was setting anything flammable ablaze with chris' lighter. i do not think the friendly staff found this as amusing as she did.
so we drive around a little bit, back towards bobby's house. all of a sudden, the mood in the car changes from happy to chillingly somber. i was sitting in the passenger seat and bobby was driving, and i could feel the tension building as the speedometer went up. he looked over at me with a crazedand dull look in his eyes, and says, "hey guys. let's have some fun. WHO WANTS TO HAVE SOME FUN?!". he holds the stare for a minute and turns his eyes back onto the poorly lit street. i could feel the strain on the engine as he pushed his foot down further on the gas. seventy....seventy five....eighty. he looked back over at me with an almost sad demeanor and said, this time more quietly, "this is fun, right???".
i told him to slow down. he was getting close to highway 74, which is a mountain road that leads up to anza. it's scary enough driving it during the day, but during night it's about tenfold worse. there is no lighting, except for the sometimes blinding headlights of oncoming drivers in the left lane. the road is highly curved and at times hard to navigate. i ask him again to go slower, to which he responds, "I AM GOING SLOW." he keeps both the windows down. so we drive around, hugging turns and screeching out on already faulty brakes, until we get to vista point. it was like a movie...one of the cheesy ones that everyone has seen. no one said a thing the entire time he was driving. bobby stops the car and gets out. without a word. i sit in the passenger seat for about five minutes, collecting myself and my stomach [i think i left it at the bottom of the mountain?]. i open the door and step out, happy to be on solid ground. i walk over to where bobby is sitting, perched on a rock overlooking the edge. i sit down next to him, and aubrey and chris follow suit.
"you can see the whole city from up here" he says coldy. detatched.
and that's when it started. i just started talking to him. something compelled me to talk to him. about everything. i found out where he was born, where he grew up, what his family is like. everything. he drove down that mountain, this time at 40 thank goodness, and we stopped at a little park a block or two away from his house. he sat down under the swingset and i sat down next to him. aubrey and chris disappeared. so i just talked to him.
i am amazed by how much more you can comprehend a person's actions after you know their background. it's just fascinating to me that every person has such a story behind them. nature vs nurture. do these people know that they have such an impact on shaping what a person is to become? sometimes i doubt they do.
after talking to him for about three hours, i felt guilty for judging him the way i did, even though what he did was inexcusable. i felt guilty for listening to other people judge him. i think what it comes down to is nobody really knows this guy. he just does strange things and puts himself out to be judged, but all it really is is a defense mechanism. and apparently it has worked extremely well on keeping him from having social relationships.
but i think all he really needed was someone to talk to.