Oh, I can only be myself..I'm sorry that's hell for you...
On some days, it's okay...But then there are days like yesterday and the one before it..that just take everything you've worked for away. I'm so frustrated with people. Like to the point where I'm dreaming about shit that happens and I wake up and I'm like wow that really didn't happen. For example I had a dream that Gavin actually came online and finally told me where he had been. I wake up and I'm like I know he hasn't been on, I know there will be nothing in my away message...and what do you know, I'm right. Then I think to myself, well at least I was able to sleep. But even when I sleep, I can't escape this uneasiness.
Then I have to think to myself, okay I've done this shit before. I can deal with not talking to him for days and shit. But then I think well yea I've dealt with it, but I shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have to put myself through this shit. And at this point I'm all standing up for myself and shit but then I think well would I rather worry about where he is all the time and then be able to talk to him, or break up and then never be able to talk to him again. And that's the point where I fold and say no I want to be with him and I'll do whatever it takes.
So my New Year's resolution was to be to take no shit from anyone. I'm glad I'm following that so well. But it's him. He's the only one that can make me this way. If it was anyone else, it would have been over so long ago. Like after Rob and I broke up I was like God I will never do that again, I will never let myself feel that way. But love man...it fucking controls you like nothing else. Like I seriously love him so damn much, and that's what it is. This is what makes me go crazy like this.
Like I wish I just could find an understanding of why guys do this. Why do they have to put me through this? Like is it seriously just me? Because I don't know anyone else that deals with this. But then again I don't know anyone else in distance relationships. But with him we say, we just need to hold on until we are together. And it's really not that long from now. I'm going to Jersey in March for a week, and then I'm back FOR GOOD in June. And we're supposed to live together and have these big plans and everything...so I gotta hold on.
But at times like this, it seems impossible to me. I don't know what to do anymore. So if you have advice..GIVE ME YOUR OPINION!
But on a lighter note...I'M GOING TO SEE ASHLEE SIMPSON IN LIKE 6 HOURS. I think that's the only thing that got me through this weekend. It's a good thing I don't drink..cause I'd kill to be drunk right now. I hope Ashlee does some undiscovered...cause I would love to see that one live. I'd have to call the Pickle for that one.
Well I gotta go clean and find clothes.
Wish me luck on meeting her.
Maybe Ashlee could give me some good advice.
"I'm not breathing,
I'm suffocating without you...
Do you feel it too?"
And for good old times...LEND ME
Then I have to think to myself, okay I've done this shit before. I can deal with not talking to him for days and shit. But then I think well yea I've dealt with it, but I shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have to put myself through this shit. And at this point I'm all standing up for myself and shit but then I think well would I rather worry about where he is all the time and then be able to talk to him, or break up and then never be able to talk to him again. And that's the point where I fold and say no I want to be with him and I'll do whatever it takes.
So my New Year's resolution was to be to take no shit from anyone. I'm glad I'm following that so well. But it's him. He's the only one that can make me this way. If it was anyone else, it would have been over so long ago. Like after Rob and I broke up I was like God I will never do that again, I will never let myself feel that way. But love man...it fucking controls you like nothing else. Like I seriously love him so damn much, and that's what it is. This is what makes me go crazy like this.
Like I wish I just could find an understanding of why guys do this. Why do they have to put me through this? Like is it seriously just me? Because I don't know anyone else that deals with this. But then again I don't know anyone else in distance relationships. But with him we say, we just need to hold on until we are together. And it's really not that long from now. I'm going to Jersey in March for a week, and then I'm back FOR GOOD in June. And we're supposed to live together and have these big plans and everything...so I gotta hold on.
But at times like this, it seems impossible to me. I don't know what to do anymore. So if you have advice..GIVE ME YOUR OPINION!
But on a lighter note...I'M GOING TO SEE ASHLEE SIMPSON IN LIKE 6 HOURS. I think that's the only thing that got me through this weekend. It's a good thing I don't drink..cause I'd kill to be drunk right now. I hope Ashlee does some undiscovered...cause I would love to see that one live. I'd have to call the Pickle for that one.
Well I gotta go clean and find clothes.
Wish me luck on meeting her.
Maybe Ashlee could give me some good advice.
"I'm not breathing,
I'm suffocating without you...
Do you feel it too?"
And for good old times...LEND ME